Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

Yesterday I was involved in the Elderly CARE project organized by CADC. By sheer chance, we met up with a few elderly folks from way back when we were volunteers at Nazareth Centre. After many years with them, building up trust, relationship and bond, the elderly activities was terminated and taken over by another NGO. We moved on to serve in other voluntary areas such as battered women, children and youth. Since then, many of the elderly had died but occasionally we still visit the handful left and those who went on to live in nursing home.

Time passes so quickly, that it seems like only not too long ago that I visited this particular family. The husband suffered from a stroke and the wife was the caregiver. They had a son who was then a medium, drug addict and mentally unsound. I remembered how fearful I was then whenever I visit them because the old man was physically handicapped and the old lady was fragile. Their son would always hide at a corner and peeped at me and I often wondered what would happen if he attack me but that did not stop me from visiting them. One day, he spoke to me and talked about how Christianity has changed his life. He was a living testimony on how God works in our life. He found a job and all seem well… a life changing experience that was extremely encouraging. I felt very happy for them and that was the few last times I saw them before my other commitments took over and there were lesser and lesser time for the elderly visit.

Yesterday I was told that the wife had committed suicide 5 years ago, jumping from their 13th floor flat. The husband is now in an unknown nursing home while the son is back to drug and serving a 7 years jail term. As I looked back to those days, I knew the tiring endless demands and stress the wife was facing but never did I expect that she would reach a point of actual burnout emotionally and physically that took her life.

It was sad thinking of them and wondering if I could have done more. Unfortunately although epidemiologic data can help to identify those at risk of suicide, it remains impossible to predict suicidal tendency in any individuals. No one who has never been under those heartbreaking circumstances cannot explain and convince the suffering that there is a precious ray of light in the midst of the dark night. When the going gets tough and the tough gets going, one can literally be overwhelmed to the point of total despair seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Some things are easier said than done and many things are just not comprehensible at the human level.

Faith, hope and love

FAITH is believing in your heart that good can overcome evil, that the sun can shine in a rainstorm and there is rainbow after the rain. Faith is believing in something you can't see or hear, something deep inside that is difficult to fathom. Faith is trusting in God and yourself enough to know that no matter how things turn out, you will make the best of them. Through faith, we grasp God; promises. Faith allows you to know in your heart before you see with your eyes. "For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

HOPE is not closing your eyes to the difficulties, sufferings or failures in life. It is trusting in a future that is filled with God's promises. To look forward to with confidence that God knows what is best for you. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

LOVE is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Faith, hope and love, the greatest of these is love. "Greater love than no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

We who carry the name of Christ

Alexander the Great, one of the greatest military generals who ever lived, conquered almost the entire world with his vast army. One night during a campaign, he couldn't sleep and left his tent to walk around the campgrounds.

As he was walking, he came across a soldier asleep on guard duty - a serious offence. The penalty for falling asleep on guard duty was, in some cases, instant death; the commanding officer sometimes poured kerosene on the sleeping soldier and lit it.

The soldier began to wake up as Alexander the Great approached him. Recognizing who was standing in front of him, the young man feared for his life.

"Do you know what the penalty is for falling asleep on guard duty?" Alexander the Great asked the soldier.

"Yes, Sir," the soldier responded in a quivering voice.

"Soldier, what's your name?" demanded Alexander the Great.

"Alexander, Sir" he whispered.

Alexander the Great repeated the question: "What is your name?"

"My name is Alexander, Sir," the soldier repeated.

A third time and more loudly, Alexander the Great asked, "What is your name?"

A third time, the soldier meekly said, "My name is Alexander, Sir."

Alexander the Great then looked the young soldier straight in the eye. "Soldier," he said with intensity, "either change your name or change your conduct."

We who carry the name of Christ and call ourselves Christian must live up to the name.

It is a simple story, easy to relate to but difficult to live up to. sigh......

Love & Eschatology

Mitch Albom, author of the Five People You Meet in Heaven wrote about Eschatology in such simple yet profound manner. What would heaven be like if it is a place where some of the people we impact on earth explain our life when we meet them in heaven? Is it likely that we will be proud of what we have accomplished in life or regret for the many things that we have done that have a domino heartbreaking effect on others whom we do not know?

Albom’s book gives an insight to how we may unintentionally affect others’ lives during our lifetime and those encounters will also include accountability for the life we live on earth. We won’t know who will be the first five people we meet in Heaven. Hence, it is imperative that our existence touches lives… love we freely impart, gratitude we always remember and understanding we cheerfully tender. We must always remember that the measure of our love is what we are willing to give it up for… the willingness to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect others than the needs of self. If we cannot sacrifice simple pleasure, don’t EVER or EVEN talk about LOVE for we have fail miserably as Christian for St John said “Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”. John 15:13

What did Jesus say?

Did Jesus say feed my sheep or slaughter my sheep?
Did Jesus say love your neighbour or persecute your neighbour?
Did Jesus say when you give alms, your left hand must not know what your right is doing or to parade your uprightness in public?
Did Jesus say not to observe the splinter in your brother's eye or to notice the great log in his eye but not your own?
Did Jesus say treat others as you would like them to treat you or to treat others like trash?
Did Jesus say not to forgive or to bear every grudges?
Did Jesus say to gossip and make false accusation or to speak the truth?
Did Jesus say to condemn and throw the first stone or not to judge?
Did Jesus say eye for eye and tooth for tooth or go two miles even if anyone requires you to go one mile?
Did Jesus say love only those who love you or that love know no boundary?
Did Jesus say to give someone a snake when he asks for a fish or to give like the poor widow?
Did Jesus say to break and harm others or to save and heal them?
No wonder He says many prophets and upright people longed to see what we see but never saw it ; to hear what we hear and never heard it. How pathetic that will be...

Didn't Jesus say we must love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul,with all our mind and with all our strength?
Didn't Jesus say we must love our neighbour and enemy as ourselves?
Didn't Jesus say be compassionate just as our Heavenly Father is compassionate?
Didn't Jesus say those who honour Him with lip service while their hearts are far, their reverence is worthless and their teaching are nothing?
Didn't Jesus say the ones who love money and pass themselves off as upright in people's sight is loathsome in the sight of God?
Didn't Jesus say make a tree sound and its fruit will be sound, make a tree rotten and its fruit will be rotten?
Didn't Jesus say good people draw good things from their store of goodness, bad people draw bad things from their store of badness?
Didn't Jesus say do not judge and you will not be judged; do not condemn and you will not be condemned; forgive and you will be forgiven?
Didn't Jesus say mercy is what pleases Him not sacrifice?
Didn't Jesus say have pity on your fellow-servant just as He had pity on us?
Didn't Jesus say the words of the mouth flow out of what fills the heart?
Didn't Jesus say if your eye is diseased, your whole body will be in darkness?
Oh.... how awful to have a wicked heart and what darkness that will be!

Love it was...

Love it was that made us and it was love that saved us
Love was God's plan when He made man God's divine nature is love
Born of God's love we must love Him
That's why He made us to love Him
But only when we love all men can we partake of God's love (2)
Love is a wonderful thing joy in hearts it will bring
where there is love there is God and where there is God there is love
Christ said love must be the sign
By which men will know You for mine
A new commandment to You I give
Each other love as I did.

All that Jesus accomplished during His earthly life is because of God’s infinite love for man. God is love and man, being created in His image should reflect that divine love. Love unites and secures everything and when all else dissipates; only love will truly remain. But it is love that is so regretfully lacking in our times especially in our church. Consciousness, if there is any left has desensitize our spiritual needs leading to “spiritual paralysis”. Hatred, misconceptions and prejudices have impeded the revelation of love between people, probably more so among the clergy.

Pastors who have faith and hope but no love are but nothing. Even if they faithfully perform all pastoral responsibilities, serve long vigils, pray day and night, keep fasts and observe days of obligation… alas, without love but somewhat embracing hatred, resentment, pride, egotism etc, their efforts are for nothing. They may even profess to the one true faith, the Nicene Creed but if love is lacking, any efforts to propagate that faith sound like the ravings of fanatics and perhaps psychotic as well. Love does not openly flaunt itself in the church, shopping mall, offices as does vice. Love is recognized only by the fruit it bears. It is reveal in patience and tolerance towards others. Love cannot be deceived for it is from within and it is certainly not hypocritical.

Jesus tells us, "Freely you have received, freely give." All of us have received love freely and abundantly from God. Real, unconditional, faithful love! But did we freely give? If we are willing to love others only when it will be given back to us, what merit is there? If we are willing to love others only when they treat us well, we are not capable of loving unconditionally. In fact, if love is conditional, it is not love at all! Worst still is when one’s excessive love for self suppresses the love for others.

The church is more than any building or a piece of property. The church is more than just preaching and sacraments. The church is more than traditions and hierarchy. Essentially at its core, the church is about love. If love is lacking, the church is lacking. If love is not the heart of the church, then it is not a church per se. It is just a building with its entire fake beautiful liturgy because if Christians proclaim a gospel that they don’t bother to live out, if they do not show any more love than the rest of society, then why should anyone bother to take the church or the clergy seriously? I wonder when will be the time for the church to give love freely and fulfill the law of Christ…. maybe until the cow comes home! Sigh…………

Putting God to the test

Scripture said do not put our God to the test and that God will not push us or let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. We have heard this quote from time to time and probably said it many times as well. However, life has shown that God has allowed us to go through experiences that are more than what we can bear or handle on our own.

In the book of Job, he endured a great deal of suffering and grief so much so that his wife told him to curse God and die. Although as Christian, we may with the sovereignty of God, go through difficult and painful circumstances, but what if we are face with such enormous pain that even the grace of God is not sufficient for us? What happen to the promise of God that “Never will I forsake you” (Heb 13:5-6) and “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest” (Matt 11:28). Can we truly lean on Him and let Him carry our burdens with complete trust and faith?

When we are push to the end of the world, what hope is there for us? Since God is Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, He is well above all scientific theories and surely He is still able to allow my heart to continue beating even when my potassium level drops to a dangerous 2.2 mg/dl.

I do not doubt in the greatness of God but I simply cannot carry my cross anymore. Since I suffers from hypokalmia, perhaps it’s time God affirms His supremacy that even if my current potassium level at 2.7mg/dl drops to 2.2mg/dl while I go without medication, supplement and food, He is able to keep me alive! God, I surrender my life to you… It’s all yours now.

1 Corinthians 10:13

How true is it when scripture (1 Corinthians 10:13) says God will not put you to test beyond what you can bear. Some believe that if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger but that may not be applicable to everyone. Some are driven to take the plunge! Well, one may conclude that those who choose to die did not pray hard and trust God enough. Take the analogy of a toothache. If you are experiencing severe toothache, can you be bother with what is happening beyond you. You will be in such intense pain that you cannot think logically.

I do not agreed with 1 Corinthians 10:13 because life does take us painfully to the threshold of extreme unbearable pain where we fall broken and dejected. Of course there is no dispute that some will manage to pass agonizingly through that wall of fire emerging stronger and more capable but then again how many? Oh God, please know that not everyone of us is called Job.

The day Patsy died

Patsy went missing after lunch on 3rd August 2009. Yesterday morning, I was told she was found dead in a drain in the neighbourhood and the authority came, put her in a black garbage bag and took her away. I went round the neighbourhood (all dressed up as there was a funeral mass to attend in the afternoon) checking through every black garbage bag hoping to find my dead dog until I came to a house and the owner came out and wondered what I was looking for in his trash. He told me the dog has been taken away…

I called up AVA, incineration plants and by the time I contacted NEA, I was already in tears. Thanks God they managed to locate Patsy and even arranged to deliver her back even though I offered to go and pick her up. I went from tearing to weeping to crying and it must have shock the seminarians to see my expression of grief. Many asked why I did not cry when the two priests died but was absolutely distraught over a dog. Perhaps I took the opportunity to cry my heart out after months of emotional scuffle. Someone offered to give me his German Shepherd, his name is King. I like German Shepherd (man and dog alike, I like only intelligent ones) but no other dogs can replace Patsy, my Queen.

Patsy is not just a dog, she is my companion. She stayed with me in my office all day, walked with me to lunch; hide under my table when it rained. In her younger days, she ran after my car when I come and go. She never barks, never get angry, always loving always there for me.

I came back in the evening to see her before burial. No one dare open the bag, blood was oozing out. I tore it open but there were many layers and I have no strength to lift it up. I told the guys to do it as I wanted to see her for a last time. I could see how frightened they were… of a dead dog, blood, whatever! We said a prayer and buried her. I stayed behind to tidy her grave… the Archbishop came to the garden and asked if I am grieving over the dog… yes I am grieving not just over Patsy but many, many other issues as well.

This morning, no one dare to come into the office. They knew I am in a foul mood. When Patsy went missing, I told the staff and seminarians to go to the four corners of the earth to find her… every room, drains, neighbourhood even the jungle out there… must find her as she was very old and sickly of late but they did not . Yes, it hurts to see her suffering but it’s certainly unimaginable that she died in a dreadful way… alone in a drain or worst still end up in the incineration plant like a piece of trash!

What really matters most in life? Human life or human rights

What really matters most or rather more in life? Everyone knows that human life is precious. So, is it more valuable than anything else? What matters more… human life or human rights? Is life more valuable than the standard upon which a democracy is founded? Compromising human rights for human life and vice verse… Is protecting democracy more important than protecting human life? Why do some people give up their lives fighting for democracy?

Matters of life and death are often the conflicting points of view in dealing with what matters most. Our stances may change significantly when issues such as abortion, capital punishment, euthanasia, animal experiment, human torture becomes our accountability. The atypical thing is that most of these controversies are concerned mainly with the visible consequences.

Much of these disputes such as abortion are about whether or not it is consider murder, whether a fetus is a human being, when it is viable, and if the woman should have the choice to end her pregnancy. Those supporting capital punishment argue that society is justified in taking the life of a murderer. Hence if a woman aborts her child, is she not a murderer and the gynecologist not the accomplice? The opponents believe that justice should not involve revenge or capital punishment. Then again, what is justice to the victims?

In deciding euthanasia in both its active and passive forms, should extreme measures be taken to keep a vegetating body alive? Should an intensely suffering human being be allowed to end his life if he wishes to do so? Can doctors make such a decision? Can doctors decide that certain human beings are of less value such as the handicap, infirmity, elderly etc and therefore it was not unethical to experiment on and to “kill” them? Incidentally, most serial killers in the world happened to be doctors. Even the Hippocratic Oath, formulated in the Declaration of Geneva in 1948 is no longer part of the teaching and of the graduating ceremony of the Medical Schools in most universities.

Philosophy defines ethics as what is good for the individual and society and establishes the nature of duties that people owe themselves and one another. Though law often embodies ethical principals, law and ethics are far from co-extensive. Many acts that would be widely condemned as unethical are not prohibited by law such as lying or betraying. While the Hippocratic code was founded to ensure that medicine would remain true to its purpose of healing and promoting health but not death, nonetheless it has undermined the Universal Declaration of Human Rights of the anti-life laws in many countries. How about the lives of animals? Do we have the right to make animals suffer to prove a hypothesis?

Perhaps abortion is not just a matter of killing bodies from the fear of unwanted pregnancies; is it not denying oneself and the unborn self the opportunity of working out ties that have been made in the past? Could we actually be increasing our burdens by assuming that we will never undergo the consequences of previous and present thoughts and actions? Again, what guarantee do we have that ending the life of a criminal's body will end the life of the other aspects of his being? The criminal tendencies of his thought-life may very well continue to influence others who are sensitive to them.

In the case of euthanasia, our hearts may go out to the needless pain and suffering of a person who is beyond recovery. The key point is who knows what an entity needs? Suppose we are here to learn and grow, materially and spiritually. By having a person leave his body before his time, we may be taking something he needs away from him. On the other hand, by keeping the body perfunctorily "alive," are we trying to give him something he does not need? If we were to approach all these issues with the law of cause and effect in mind, we might realize that in many cases both abortion and euthanasia are only postponing certain effects and not eliminating the problem. Is this really in the best interests of the people concerned?

Nothing can happen to one without affecting all the others. Causes and effects influence us not only on the physical plane, but also on the astral, psyche, mental, intuitional and spiritual levels. The greatest mistake we can make is to think that we can do anything as it only concerns ourselves. In truth, we are connected in so many intricate ways that our actions have a domino effect across the board. By focusing our attention on only material causes and visible effects, we are missing a great deal and may very well make things worse. Most people would agree that physical causes have physical effects, especially since they can see the immediate consequences. Yet by the same reasoning, non-material causes should have effects on non-material levels, even though they are invisible. We have lots more to deal with the outcome of a diversity of the invisible as it affects much more than our visible selves. What matters is not only matter but it shapes our thoughts and acts accordingly.

There is a lot of suffering in this world at so many different levels but how can suffering be a catalyst for transforming our lives. Painful experiences can make us question the way we have been living. They are a wake-up call. There is a moment of clarity where you know what is important to you especially when you know your time on earth is limited for the view from the edge of life is a lot clearer than most of us have. They make people think more deeply about things and ask themselves “What is important? What really matters? How do I want to spend my days and What matters?" These questions can change our lives and the lives of people around us. Nobody is ever going to said, "If I die, I'm going to miss my BMW" What really matters is who you have touched on your way through life, who has touched you and cared deeply, and what you are leaving behind as your legacy in the hearts and lives of those around you. There is meaning in everything we do. Most of us live far more meaningful lives than we know. Only a sense of meaning can satisfy whatever emptiness in us. At the end of life, when people look back to see what matter, it will not be what they bought and what they owned. It is about what they reaching out and helping others. It is all about the love they gave and received… one heart at a time.

What matters most in life is different for each and every one of us. We all have our own unique and individual priorities, priorities that define us for who we are and what we stand for. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what. Life is not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.

Prayer of St Francis

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me bring your love,
Where there is injury your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt true faith in you.

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness, only light,
And where there's sadness, ever joy.

O Master grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we are born to eternal life.

The Prayer of St Francis is my all time favourite hymn. It was the first hymn and prayer I taught my children. For many years, it was the thanksgiving hymn of my prayers. However, over time with more and more upbeat Christian praise and worship songs, somehow I have not listened or sang it for a while. I always choose this hymn for special occasion and as I sang it yesterday, it brought to mind why I did not choose it as my final hymn in my prepared funeral mass booklet. This is the prayer that brings me much serenity and how can I depart this world without it accompanying me to eternity.

Given today political upheaval and unrest in so many parts of the world, contemplation of the Prayer of St Francis seems to be even more relevant than ever. How can we make ourselves a channel of God’s peace with the tragedy of current world calamities ringing in our ears? Look at suicide bombers in Jakarta, Pakistan, Middle East… victims of genocide and civil wars… where is the peace?

"Where there is hatred, let me bring your love." Is this possible when terrorism is sweeping across nations? Do world leaders, religious leaders, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims have an obligation to change the perception? Can we talk about harmony when one of today's greatest conflicts is between unity and diversity? Can we love without prejudice regardless of race, language or religion? Without love, we are all antagonists in our own way, fragmented by diversity and hatred. Even love within a family is difficult these days, siblings’ rivalry, fights over material stuff, false accusation, hateful words… where is the love? I certainly can't feel the love tonight!

"Where there is injury, your pardon Lord." I can imagine how awfully painful it must be for a mother to see her child injured, maimed, killed, and clinging on to faith, forgive the perpetrator. I can imagine the pain and suffering of parents, children, spouses who see their loved ones destroyed before their very eyes. How do we forgive terrorism, murder and rape? Can we pray for suicide bombers, pedophiles, gangsters? Can we truly forgive the clergy, leaders, teachers, doctors, law enforcers, parents, siblings, even children who hurt us more than help us?

"Where there is doubt, true faith in you." Most of us are like doubting Thomas… even with Jesus by our side, doubt will always be part of us until we have experience the tangible love of God. Only then can our faith and hope prevail. Well, at least I can say in confidence, there is no doubt, God provides and He knows.

"Where there is despair in life, let me bring hope." Intrinsically, we are filled with hope if we have not been totally crushed by others. Can we stay strong when peace and love don’t compromise? Can we give a helping hand when bread and butter is an issue for us? When we can't even take care of ourselves, can we take care of others? Looking for hope in a hopeless world, trying to find love in these hateful times. Yes, we have a reason for living, we have a purpose and we must have hope in the midst of this hopelessness world. Oh, well....

"Where there is darkness, only light." The darkness of ignorance, the darkness of hatred, the darkness of prejudice, the darkness of jealousy. Oh God, why is it so difficult when it only takes a spark to get the fire burning… pass it on, pass it on… so that others may see the light at the end of the tunnel. Goodness will prevail and I pray that I will always be able to bring love, kindness, compassion, joy and laughter to light up the lives of others.

“Where there is sadness, ever joy." Our lives are but grains of sand in the seashore of eternity. I have come across many people whose lives are filled with sadness and pain. Sometimes these sorrowful lives seem interminably long. Perhaps sadness can be overcome by the compassion, patience, fortitude and sacrifices if we genuinely love humanity and know what it means to understand and console. While I may be surrounded daily by people who are filled with enthusiasm and sincerity to love God and His people, I hope they are truly motivated by selfless and not selfish purpose. Perhaps these people may one day be like St Francis, able to eliminate sadness and bring joy.

“O Master grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul”. When we open our arms to welcome the needy, give a hug to heal a pain, lend a listening ear, visit the sick, pray for others, wipe their tears, we are unknowingly doing the work of St Francis. If we recognize the dignity of animals and refuse to wear them around our neck, we are doing the work of St Francis. When we go where God leads, we are following the path of St Francis and now is the time for us to do our part, as St Francis said before he breathe his last.

The really extraordinary conclusion about the exhortations in St. Francis' Prayer is that there is no limit to what we can do physically and intellectually to make this world a better place... for you and me and the entire human race. All of us have the capacity to nurture ourselves in simple and ordinary ways to carry a spirit of love, unity, peace and reconciliation into all our relationships making them extraordinary in a special way. With each person we meet, we should look beyond the surface, beyond the external qualities that seem to divide us so that we can reach to the core of each person and show them God’s unconditional love. The real challenge behind this prayer is that it speaks of humanity’s highest ideals. It seems too complicated and overwhelming for most of us but complexity and difficulty do not excuse use from carrying and giving out our own individual efforts. This is it... when healing takes place. I hope the Prayer of St Francis will always be a part of my life till the day I die.

Emotions

I browsed through the point power handout given to the priests at the annual retreat today and I can’t help but to add my two cents worth on ‘Emotions’. Human beings have the basic emotional needs that are expressed as feelings of acceptance, respect and importance but all differs in the strength of need depending very much on our self confidence. Some need to be affirmed frequently, some need more freedom and greater understanding while others may need more security and social connections.

The primary emotions that Fr McQuire has pointed out are: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation. I would not classify fear, sadness, disgust and anger as primary emotion as they are more often, secondary emotion. A primary emotion is what we feel initially and a secondary emotion is what it leads to. Of course, it may be a norm for some people to primarily burst into anger right from the beginning. Thus, for such people then anger is a primary emotion while some of us only feel anger after being provoked, insulted, cheated etc.

When emotional needs are not met, most people, children and adults alike act out their frustration in various ways which are typically seen as misconduct in children and displacement in adults. Therefore it is important to be aware of our emotional needs as a first step to helping and changing ourselves for the better since no aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our existence than emotions.

Emotions are what make life worth living or sometimes ending. Hence, some great philosophers such as Aristotle and Plato had concluded several theories of emotion on how it triggers bodily changes and behaviour. Emotions are literally our feelings in the context of cognition but it is the physical sensation that makes them really different. It is therefore of utmost importance to bear in mind that emotions affect and are part of our disposition, judgment and decisions. The seven deadly sins and the seven virtues are all emotions… emotions of wanting (greed, envy, love), emotions of not wanting (fear, shame), emotions of having (happiness, guilt, pride), emotions of not having (sadness, anger).

An acceptable philosophical theory of emotions must account for at least nine characteristics: (1) emotions are typically conscious phenomena (2) emotions involve more pervasive bodily manifestations than our consciousness (3) emotions vary in intensity, valence, type and range of intentional objects, etc (4) emotions are reputed to be antagonists of rationality (5) emotions play a crucial role in the regulation of social life (6) emotions protect us from overly slavish devotion to narrow conceptions of rationality (7) emotions play an indispensable role in our quality of life (8) emotions define our priorities.

Emotions (feelings) alert us when our natural human need is not being met. For example, when we feel lonely, our need for connection with other people is unmet. When we feel afraid, our need for safety is unmet. When we feel rejected, it is our need for acceptance which is unmet. Emotions help us communicate with others. Our facial expressions can convey a wide range of emotions and give out both positive and negative vibes. The better we can identify our emotions, the easier it will be to determine what is needed to be happy. Our emotions are perhaps the greatest potential source of uniting the human species. Clearly, religions, cultural and political beliefs have not united man but have in some ways, tragically and even fatally divided mankind. Emotions, on the other hand, are universal as it creates in us empathy, compassion and forgiveness etc. As the saying goes… beliefs divide us and emotions unite us.

Research in emotion has shown that it has an intense impact on our outlook in life as shown in Gardner’s theory on emotional intelligence which involves the abilities of self awareness, managing emotions, motivation, empathy and social relationships. It’s time we monitor our emotions and use them to guide our thinking and actions in order to act wisely and operate effectively in life. Otherwise, we may all have to sing to the tune of Bee Gees‘ Emotions… “It’s over and done but the heartache lives on inside…… in the word of a broken heart, it’s just emotions.... taking me over, tied up in sorrows, lost in my soul…..” How sad..... heartache, sorrow, lost soul... list just goes on and on.

Why mystery matters

What will become of mystery if we have all the answers to every question? What will come about spiritual experiences, coincidences and chance encounters? When everything is explained, doesn’t life become somehow mundane, expected and earth-bound? Surely we should leave some room for mystery instead of trying to explain everything from how our minds work to the question of God? Isn’t it the incomprehensible that keeps us curious about life, learning and our surrounding? Kierkegaard was right when he said that “life is not a problem to be solved, rather a mystery to be lived”. Not knowing what tomorrow may bring give a sense of intrinsic mystery to the human mind to seek for answers regarding evolution, heritage, survival and moving us forward to use our intelligence and imagination.

Although we live in a world where there is great emphasis for scientific explanation, theories, answers and logic, mystery persists as a reminder to enjoy an unknowable journey that requires us to walk and see with the eyes of faith. Mystery defies reason and allow for the unexpected, wonders at rainbows and butterflies, casting ourselves into mysterious waters where we know we belong to being part of something greater than ourselves, where trust and intuition of a supreme power keeps our minds open and our lives interesting and reminding us that we are not masters of our destiny.

Even when our deepest emotion can be reduced to an empirical account of neuroscience, we will still live in mystery, fantastic rather than forensic. It dispels the arrogance that we know where we are heading and what lays ahead so that we will be more willing to walk in the dark knowing that somewhere out there, God is watching us and holding our hands. What a wonderful sight it be may…

How your era defines you

Very often, we hear parents say that our children are very unlike our generation. So, how different are they from our cohort? Our current historical cycle began just after World War II where the era of the Baby Boomers started from 1946 to 1964, then Generation X (1965 - 1987) and finally the Millennials (1988 to 2005).

There is a different psychology to each generation as our perspective is never the same as that of our parents or our children. A revolutionary theory suggests that the period of our birth shapes our sense of identity, world view, personal background and circumstances. We tend to have opposing views from the shadow generation that is one removed from us. Each generation‘s values are shaped by the parenting styles which are much influenced by their time. Generational theory reveals that society repeatedly oscillates between over and under protection of our children. This can be seen after WWII, as society was rebuilding itself, its instinct was to nurture the children but as time passed, the agenda changed. From the late 60s to the mid-80s, society focused on adults and contemporary politics such as civil rights, feminism and nuclear proliferation. As these issues moved on, the shift returned to the needs of the child. Since the 90s, the Millennials started to worry most about children health, safety, comfort and protection. Presently, they wrestle for gay rights, racial discriminations and rights, rights and more "God-given" rights...

The Baby Boomers grew up as post-crisis children who are not afraid of hardship. They were very independent as their parents had to work hard to rebuild their lives after WWII. They are also the most creative of all generation with original, idealistic and value-driven voices. Generation X grew up pretty much unprotected and many were marginalized and alienated as young adults. They are politically apathetic, resilient, resourceful and tolerant of uncertainty. The Millennials grew up loved, protected and regarded as special.

Generation X and the Millennials are a whole lot more worldly than the Baby Boomers but that does not make them any smarter or better to handle challenges. Boomers were taught to work our way up to the top. There were lots of opportunities then but everything had a price i.e. to work hard as there is no such thing as a free lunch. We did not dare talk much about hardships and sacrifice as we were growing up in the 60s. Our parents had the exclusive rights as they had lived through the Great Depression where their independence and freedom had been threatened by a war that required significant sacrifices from everyone. But they did not think of themselves as victims but rather strived to provide a better life for their children.

Apparently, it is not so with Generation X and the Millennials as they were taught that it is part of their parents and government’s responsibility to provide a free lunch. They wanted a BMW by the time they were in their mid 20s. They expect the government to provide for their needs. Today, they are beginning to demand “round the clock day care service”. In another decade, they probably consider it as a right to drop off their kids at day care for kids-free weekend! Today, it is a sacrifice when the cable TV, internet or mobile network go off… while the Baby Boomers considered it very fortunate to own a black and white TV set or a telephone line during their time.

Society has become too diverse and complicated without a national goal and role models; hence it is harder for a generation of young people to have any direction. As kids we all made up nicknames for the most strict and demanding teachers but the Baby Boomers would never think of talking back to our teachers and in fact deep inside us, we respected them for what they had taught is even if we did not agree with their methods. We were taught filial piety and to respect our elders. Of course, they also lived up to their part of the bargain too.

Today, many children show no respect to their teachers or elders and speaking their mind is considered a virtue… a courage to hold opposing views. Many parents have to become friends with our kids in order to be able to speak and think in their jargon. We are afraid that disciplining them will close off communication. But by allowing our children to become our friends, we lose the stature that is essential in any structured society. We fail to impart moral values, virtues and survival intuitions. We fail miserably and the day will come when these young peoples cannot differentiate what is wrong and what is right, what is good and what is bad. Yes, society changes with every era, but is it for the better? I wonder… I am glad that I am part of the Baby Boomers and I kept my bargain as a role model parent to my children... I survived and yes, we Baby Boomers are the champions!

Mourning the death of a 30-years friendship

I am mourning the death of a friendship. J is still alive but our friendship died. We met when we were 15 years old... grow up and older together. It's hard to believe that an email could kill a friendship but it did. I really did not meant for it to end this way and my email was to foster better understanding but her sms was filled with anger and hurting words. I though we could agree to disagree but it was easier to hate than love. If Michael Jackson's death could be so personal to many of us, surely the death of our friendship is even more tragic. Many can identity the lost of MJ because he was part of our growing years and his death signify the ending of a certain part of our youth. What more with J, we had fun, we had sun, we had season in the sun... many precious memories of our youth and friendship. Sigh... once, there were four, now only three left....

Will there be miracles?

Yahti is born on 23rd May 2009... like every other child, she is a little bundle full of unlimited potentials. We cannot see it but this tiny little tot presumably carries in herself the power to think and speak, choose and decide, see and learn and eventually become a mature human being.

But unfortunately, she was diagnosed at birth to be suffering from severe Glutaric Aciduria type 1 (GA1), an inherited rare, autosomal recessive metabolic disorder in which the body is unable to process certain proteins properly and Macrocephaly, a genetic condition that may be due to an enlarged brain or big head, water in the brain, bone overgrowth and other conditions. GA1 is dominated by dystonia, feeding problems, seizures and reduced life expectancy. Excessive levels of these amino acids and their intermediate breakdown products can accumulate and cause damage to the brain, particularly the basal ganglia, which are regions that help control movement. The most important factors determining life expectancy are the degree of mental retardation, mobility and the ability to feed.

Treatment may include intravenous fluids, bicarbonate and carnitine to keep her alive. Death usually occurs at childhood and the median age is 6 years. If left untreated, acute deterioration results in sudden death. However, the medication and supplements to keep Yahti alive is far beyond what her parents can afford. Is her life less precious than that of others born to rich and influential parents? There are many red tapes in order for her parents to get subsided medical treatment for their child… How sad it is that both parents are ignorant of the severity of her condition and decide not to give her the required supplements because of the high cost.

There is only that much we as volunteers can do… to do our best; give our utmost and let God do the rest. While I hope I am NOT a woman of little faith, it does take more than absolute trust in God… not only looking through the eyes of faith but through the eyes of God cos what she needs is a miracle. Sure, miracles still happen… moments when we are given unfailing strength to carry our cross or an unexplainable profound insight or a new experience of faith, hope and love… yes, anything, just about anything that shows the tangible love, compassion and mercy of God.

I hope I remember to bring my umbrella when I pray for rain for there will be miracles if we believe…

Watch your tongue

The tongue is one of the most powerful human faculties that God has given to mankind for the words we speak can do a great deal of good and also a lot of harm. “Man is able to tame all beasts but no one has been able to tame the tongue (James 3:6-7)”.

When we speak about our neighbour, do we remember not to judge but to speak in a spirit of love and thanksgiving? Can we truly stop judging, condemning, criticizing, belittling, despising others? When Michael Jackson passed on, many mourned while equally many showed no compassion. People make fun of his wacko ways, his “crimes” etc. But how much do they know about him, his character, the circumstances of his life, his problems, his virtues and his transgressions etc and yet it is so easy to point a finger and condemned him to hell. Precisely because we know so little of others… how then can we be so judgmental, unforgiving and negative? Yes, some of them may be crooks, murderers, and thieves… but did it occur to you “what would have become of you, if you had been in their shoes?” We must bear in mind that only God can be his final judge because only God knows all the circumstances of his life.

The tongue has a great power to build up as well as to destroy, to create good and also evil. If we use our tongue well, it will always bear fruit since every word or deed, no matter how small is like a seed that falls on the ground and will eventually bear its fruit and then others may experience its wonderful effect. Yes, it only takes a spark to get the fire burning… either to give light or to create total devastation.

When death comes knocking

If there is one thing we can be certain of in life, it is death. It is not death per se that most people are afraid of, after all once you are dead, you won't know and feel anything about it. What is frightening to people is the process of dying and another potentially frightening event is the death of a loved one which is certainly very sad and painful.

The causes of death range widely from terminal illness, sudden death, accidental etc. Whatever the cause, the outcome is the same. A loved one is no longer with us. When death touches us, it is multi-faceted and there is no right or wrong answer.

Yesterday, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died one after another. Today, it’s someone else and tomorrow is may be you and I. Death will come to take us away and there is no escape death comes every day. We can choose how we want to live but we cannot choose how and when we want to die. So, don’t bother running away cos death will find you whether you like it or not.

Life is not eternal and death will come when our responsibilities on this earth are completed. We may not know when but the end will definitely come. Young or old, be ready to die and accept death with total submission and gratitude to God for a life well-spent. Live wisely and authentically, love sincerely and whole-heartedly, give without expectation, be grateful for everything good and bad, so that when we die, there will be no regrets for some of the little things in life that we often take for granted until it is too late.

To live is to die and to die is to live. He who die before he dies does not die when he dies.

What are you really looking for in life?

Once you look deeper, beyond your desire for a bigger house or a fancier car, you will most likely discover that what you're truly searching for is not more "stuff," but more happiness, more joy, more peace. It may seem some people are born with enjoyment for life programmed into their hardwiring, whereas for others finding happiness seems an elusive goal. But, like any programming, yours can be changed.

If you haven't taken the time to explore what brings joy to your life on a regular basis, you may realize you don't even know what brings you happiness anymore. If that's the case, try out different things, including some you've never done before. The answers just might surprise you.....

Be grateful. Incorporate a daily gratitude session where you identify something you are grateful for. You can express your gratitude in any number of ways: silently say "thank you," call or email the person you want to thank, or devise your own gratitude ritual. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future.

Take time to savor life. Cut down the rushing from one thing to the next – delegate or say no – to reduce your number of appointments and daily tasks. Stop gossiping. Be selective about the information you expose yourself to. It can have an incredible impact on your level of personal happiness.

Laugh now! When you're in the middle of a mess, look around you and realize the absurdity of the moment. Remind yourself that a year from now, no one will care, and you'll probably be laughing about it anyway, so why wait? Laugh about it now! One of the major causes of stress is worrying about things that are out of your control. Learn to recognize these things and if you can truly do nothing about them, then just let them go. Take time to laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in. Laughter is a powerful, positive medicine and the calmer and more peaceful you can take things, the happier your life will be.

Wish the best for others and mean it. It is so easy to be jealous and petty and forget to celebrate the good fortune of your coworkers, friends and family. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.

Get involved. Be a volunteer. Be yourself. You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you. Don't compare yourself to other people be it at work or in your personal life. Build friendship. Surround yourself with friends who are positive, encouraging, and helpful. We all need this continuing, positive encouragement to make solid positive progress in life.

Happiness is important for so many reasons, beyond the obvious fact that most people would prefer to be happy rather than not. There is little doubt about the powerful effects positive emotions can have on your physical health and well-being. If you can become happier, you will help build a better world. If you can improve your ability to address stresses and negative emotions, you're more likely to be able to do the things that no one would claim are trivial. Building positive emotions through humour is one of the most natural things you can do to bring joy to your work, and broaden your view of this world in which we live. Happiness isn't so much something you strive for but a spontaneous natural result of pursuing your God-given mission in life -- and following a natural lifestyle that allows your body to function at its highest possible level.

Sorry but no apology

Why is it so hard to acknowledge one’s wrongdoing? It seems that humans are "hard wired" to apologize. Half-hearted and disingenuous apologies are usually worse than not apologizing at all. It not only insults the recipient but makes it more unbearable as it’s like rubbing salt in the wound. An ineffective apology is not acknowledging the offence or expressing remorse.

The word "sorry" has a wonderful unique meaning… "pain at heart, distress, sad, full of grief or sorrow". These days, it is so easily tossed around that we probably need a new word to make an apology seem genuine. Often people say "sorry if I hurt you", "sorry for any offence my words might have caused you" or "sorry for hurting you because...". It is the words "if and any" that really ruin these apologies. One should be sorry that he/she offended someone, not due to "if or any". The whole purpose of apologizing is that someone has been hurt. Don’t try to minimize it as if something might or might not be out there. If one is sincerely sorry, then it is only right to take responsibility for what happened; explain how and why it happened; assure that it will not happen again and offer appropriate reparation. A sincere apology has the power to heal humiliations, free the mind from guilt, remove the desire for vengeance and mend relationship. Ultimately, every apology requires the offender’s attitudes and commitments to authentic honesty, generosity, humility, commitment, and courage. I hope that apologies will someday be applied to all humanity interactions sincerely.