Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Sorry but no apology

Why is it so hard to acknowledge one’s wrongdoing? It seems that humans are "hard wired" to apologize. Half-hearted and disingenuous apologies are usually worse than not apologizing at all. It not only insults the recipient but makes it more unbearable as it’s like rubbing salt in the wound. An ineffective apology is not acknowledging the offence or expressing remorse.

The word "sorry" has a wonderful unique meaning… "pain at heart, distress, sad, full of grief or sorrow". These days, it is so easily tossed around that we probably need a new word to make an apology seem genuine. Often people say "sorry if I hurt you", "sorry for any offence my words might have caused you" or "sorry for hurting you because...". It is the words "if and any" that really ruin these apologies. One should be sorry that he/she offended someone, not due to "if or any". The whole purpose of apologizing is that someone has been hurt. Don’t try to minimize it as if something might or might not be out there. If one is sincerely sorry, then it is only right to take responsibility for what happened; explain how and why it happened; assure that it will not happen again and offer appropriate reparation. A sincere apology has the power to heal humiliations, free the mind from guilt, remove the desire for vengeance and mend relationship. Ultimately, every apology requires the offender’s attitudes and commitments to authentic honesty, generosity, humility, commitment, and courage. I hope that apologies will someday be applied to all humanity interactions sincerely.

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