Prayer of St Francis

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me bring your love,
Where there is injury your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt true faith in you.

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness, only light,
And where there's sadness, ever joy.

O Master grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we are born to eternal life.

The Prayer of St Francis is my all time favourite hymn. It was the first hymn and prayer I taught my children. For many years, it was the thanksgiving hymn of my prayers. However, over time with more and more upbeat Christian praise and worship songs, somehow I have not listened or sang it for a while. I always choose this hymn for special occasion and as I sang it yesterday, it brought to mind why I did not choose it as my final hymn in my prepared funeral mass booklet. This is the prayer that brings me much serenity and how can I depart this world without it accompanying me to eternity.

Given today political upheaval and unrest in so many parts of the world, contemplation of the Prayer of St Francis seems to be even more relevant than ever. How can we make ourselves a channel of God’s peace with the tragedy of current world calamities ringing in our ears? Look at suicide bombers in Jakarta, Pakistan, Middle East… victims of genocide and civil wars… where is the peace?

"Where there is hatred, let me bring your love." Is this possible when terrorism is sweeping across nations? Do world leaders, religious leaders, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims have an obligation to change the perception? Can we talk about harmony when one of today's greatest conflicts is between unity and diversity? Can we love without prejudice regardless of race, language or religion? Without love, we are all antagonists in our own way, fragmented by diversity and hatred. Even love within a family is difficult these days, siblings’ rivalry, fights over material stuff, false accusation, hateful words… where is the love? I certainly can't feel the love tonight!

"Where there is injury, your pardon Lord." I can imagine how awfully painful it must be for a mother to see her child injured, maimed, killed, and clinging on to faith, forgive the perpetrator. I can imagine the pain and suffering of parents, children, spouses who see their loved ones destroyed before their very eyes. How do we forgive terrorism, murder and rape? Can we pray for suicide bombers, pedophiles, gangsters? Can we truly forgive the clergy, leaders, teachers, doctors, law enforcers, parents, siblings, even children who hurt us more than help us?

"Where there is doubt, true faith in you." Most of us are like doubting Thomas… even with Jesus by our side, doubt will always be part of us until we have experience the tangible love of God. Only then can our faith and hope prevail. Well, at least I can say in confidence, there is no doubt, God provides and He knows.

"Where there is despair in life, let me bring hope." Intrinsically, we are filled with hope if we have not been totally crushed by others. Can we stay strong when peace and love don’t compromise? Can we give a helping hand when bread and butter is an issue for us? When we can't even take care of ourselves, can we take care of others? Looking for hope in a hopeless world, trying to find love in these hateful times. Yes, we have a reason for living, we have a purpose and we must have hope in the midst of this hopelessness world. Oh, well....

"Where there is darkness, only light." The darkness of ignorance, the darkness of hatred, the darkness of prejudice, the darkness of jealousy. Oh God, why is it so difficult when it only takes a spark to get the fire burning… pass it on, pass it on… so that others may see the light at the end of the tunnel. Goodness will prevail and I pray that I will always be able to bring love, kindness, compassion, joy and laughter to light up the lives of others.

“Where there is sadness, ever joy." Our lives are but grains of sand in the seashore of eternity. I have come across many people whose lives are filled with sadness and pain. Sometimes these sorrowful lives seem interminably long. Perhaps sadness can be overcome by the compassion, patience, fortitude and sacrifices if we genuinely love humanity and know what it means to understand and console. While I may be surrounded daily by people who are filled with enthusiasm and sincerity to love God and His people, I hope they are truly motivated by selfless and not selfish purpose. Perhaps these people may one day be like St Francis, able to eliminate sadness and bring joy.

“O Master grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul”. When we open our arms to welcome the needy, give a hug to heal a pain, lend a listening ear, visit the sick, pray for others, wipe their tears, we are unknowingly doing the work of St Francis. If we recognize the dignity of animals and refuse to wear them around our neck, we are doing the work of St Francis. When we go where God leads, we are following the path of St Francis and now is the time for us to do our part, as St Francis said before he breathe his last.

The really extraordinary conclusion about the exhortations in St. Francis' Prayer is that there is no limit to what we can do physically and intellectually to make this world a better place... for you and me and the entire human race. All of us have the capacity to nurture ourselves in simple and ordinary ways to carry a spirit of love, unity, peace and reconciliation into all our relationships making them extraordinary in a special way. With each person we meet, we should look beyond the surface, beyond the external qualities that seem to divide us so that we can reach to the core of each person and show them God’s unconditional love. The real challenge behind this prayer is that it speaks of humanity’s highest ideals. It seems too complicated and overwhelming for most of us but complexity and difficulty do not excuse use from carrying and giving out our own individual efforts. This is it... when healing takes place. I hope the Prayer of St Francis will always be a part of my life till the day I die.

Emotions

I browsed through the point power handout given to the priests at the annual retreat today and I can’t help but to add my two cents worth on ‘Emotions’. Human beings have the basic emotional needs that are expressed as feelings of acceptance, respect and importance but all differs in the strength of need depending very much on our self confidence. Some need to be affirmed frequently, some need more freedom and greater understanding while others may need more security and social connections.

The primary emotions that Fr McQuire has pointed out are: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation. I would not classify fear, sadness, disgust and anger as primary emotion as they are more often, secondary emotion. A primary emotion is what we feel initially and a secondary emotion is what it leads to. Of course, it may be a norm for some people to primarily burst into anger right from the beginning. Thus, for such people then anger is a primary emotion while some of us only feel anger after being provoked, insulted, cheated etc.

When emotional needs are not met, most people, children and adults alike act out their frustration in various ways which are typically seen as misconduct in children and displacement in adults. Therefore it is important to be aware of our emotional needs as a first step to helping and changing ourselves for the better since no aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our existence than emotions.

Emotions are what make life worth living or sometimes ending. Hence, some great philosophers such as Aristotle and Plato had concluded several theories of emotion on how it triggers bodily changes and behaviour. Emotions are literally our feelings in the context of cognition but it is the physical sensation that makes them really different. It is therefore of utmost importance to bear in mind that emotions affect and are part of our disposition, judgment and decisions. The seven deadly sins and the seven virtues are all emotions… emotions of wanting (greed, envy, love), emotions of not wanting (fear, shame), emotions of having (happiness, guilt, pride), emotions of not having (sadness, anger).

An acceptable philosophical theory of emotions must account for at least nine characteristics: (1) emotions are typically conscious phenomena (2) emotions involve more pervasive bodily manifestations than our consciousness (3) emotions vary in intensity, valence, type and range of intentional objects, etc (4) emotions are reputed to be antagonists of rationality (5) emotions play a crucial role in the regulation of social life (6) emotions protect us from overly slavish devotion to narrow conceptions of rationality (7) emotions play an indispensable role in our quality of life (8) emotions define our priorities.

Emotions (feelings) alert us when our natural human need is not being met. For example, when we feel lonely, our need for connection with other people is unmet. When we feel afraid, our need for safety is unmet. When we feel rejected, it is our need for acceptance which is unmet. Emotions help us communicate with others. Our facial expressions can convey a wide range of emotions and give out both positive and negative vibes. The better we can identify our emotions, the easier it will be to determine what is needed to be happy. Our emotions are perhaps the greatest potential source of uniting the human species. Clearly, religions, cultural and political beliefs have not united man but have in some ways, tragically and even fatally divided mankind. Emotions, on the other hand, are universal as it creates in us empathy, compassion and forgiveness etc. As the saying goes… beliefs divide us and emotions unite us.

Research in emotion has shown that it has an intense impact on our outlook in life as shown in Gardner’s theory on emotional intelligence which involves the abilities of self awareness, managing emotions, motivation, empathy and social relationships. It’s time we monitor our emotions and use them to guide our thinking and actions in order to act wisely and operate effectively in life. Otherwise, we may all have to sing to the tune of Bee Gees‘ Emotions… “It’s over and done but the heartache lives on inside…… in the word of a broken heart, it’s just emotions.... taking me over, tied up in sorrows, lost in my soul…..” How sad..... heartache, sorrow, lost soul... list just goes on and on.

Why mystery matters

What will become of mystery if we have all the answers to every question? What will come about spiritual experiences, coincidences and chance encounters? When everything is explained, doesn’t life become somehow mundane, expected and earth-bound? Surely we should leave some room for mystery instead of trying to explain everything from how our minds work to the question of God? Isn’t it the incomprehensible that keeps us curious about life, learning and our surrounding? Kierkegaard was right when he said that “life is not a problem to be solved, rather a mystery to be lived”. Not knowing what tomorrow may bring give a sense of intrinsic mystery to the human mind to seek for answers regarding evolution, heritage, survival and moving us forward to use our intelligence and imagination.

Although we live in a world where there is great emphasis for scientific explanation, theories, answers and logic, mystery persists as a reminder to enjoy an unknowable journey that requires us to walk and see with the eyes of faith. Mystery defies reason and allow for the unexpected, wonders at rainbows and butterflies, casting ourselves into mysterious waters where we know we belong to being part of something greater than ourselves, where trust and intuition of a supreme power keeps our minds open and our lives interesting and reminding us that we are not masters of our destiny.

Even when our deepest emotion can be reduced to an empirical account of neuroscience, we will still live in mystery, fantastic rather than forensic. It dispels the arrogance that we know where we are heading and what lays ahead so that we will be more willing to walk in the dark knowing that somewhere out there, God is watching us and holding our hands. What a wonderful sight it be may…

How your era defines you

Very often, we hear parents say that our children are very unlike our generation. So, how different are they from our cohort? Our current historical cycle began just after World War II where the era of the Baby Boomers started from 1946 to 1964, then Generation X (1965 - 1987) and finally the Millennials (1988 to 2005).

There is a different psychology to each generation as our perspective is never the same as that of our parents or our children. A revolutionary theory suggests that the period of our birth shapes our sense of identity, world view, personal background and circumstances. We tend to have opposing views from the shadow generation that is one removed from us. Each generation‘s values are shaped by the parenting styles which are much influenced by their time. Generational theory reveals that society repeatedly oscillates between over and under protection of our children. This can be seen after WWII, as society was rebuilding itself, its instinct was to nurture the children but as time passed, the agenda changed. From the late 60s to the mid-80s, society focused on adults and contemporary politics such as civil rights, feminism and nuclear proliferation. As these issues moved on, the shift returned to the needs of the child. Since the 90s, the Millennials started to worry most about children health, safety, comfort and protection. Presently, they wrestle for gay rights, racial discriminations and rights, rights and more "God-given" rights...

The Baby Boomers grew up as post-crisis children who are not afraid of hardship. They were very independent as their parents had to work hard to rebuild their lives after WWII. They are also the most creative of all generation with original, idealistic and value-driven voices. Generation X grew up pretty much unprotected and many were marginalized and alienated as young adults. They are politically apathetic, resilient, resourceful and tolerant of uncertainty. The Millennials grew up loved, protected and regarded as special.

Generation X and the Millennials are a whole lot more worldly than the Baby Boomers but that does not make them any smarter or better to handle challenges. Boomers were taught to work our way up to the top. There were lots of opportunities then but everything had a price i.e. to work hard as there is no such thing as a free lunch. We did not dare talk much about hardships and sacrifice as we were growing up in the 60s. Our parents had the exclusive rights as they had lived through the Great Depression where their independence and freedom had been threatened by a war that required significant sacrifices from everyone. But they did not think of themselves as victims but rather strived to provide a better life for their children.

Apparently, it is not so with Generation X and the Millennials as they were taught that it is part of their parents and government’s responsibility to provide a free lunch. They wanted a BMW by the time they were in their mid 20s. They expect the government to provide for their needs. Today, they are beginning to demand “round the clock day care service”. In another decade, they probably consider it as a right to drop off their kids at day care for kids-free weekend! Today, it is a sacrifice when the cable TV, internet or mobile network go off… while the Baby Boomers considered it very fortunate to own a black and white TV set or a telephone line during their time.

Society has become too diverse and complicated without a national goal and role models; hence it is harder for a generation of young people to have any direction. As kids we all made up nicknames for the most strict and demanding teachers but the Baby Boomers would never think of talking back to our teachers and in fact deep inside us, we respected them for what they had taught is even if we did not agree with their methods. We were taught filial piety and to respect our elders. Of course, they also lived up to their part of the bargain too.

Today, many children show no respect to their teachers or elders and speaking their mind is considered a virtue… a courage to hold opposing views. Many parents have to become friends with our kids in order to be able to speak and think in their jargon. We are afraid that disciplining them will close off communication. But by allowing our children to become our friends, we lose the stature that is essential in any structured society. We fail to impart moral values, virtues and survival intuitions. We fail miserably and the day will come when these young peoples cannot differentiate what is wrong and what is right, what is good and what is bad. Yes, society changes with every era, but is it for the better? I wonder… I am glad that I am part of the Baby Boomers and I kept my bargain as a role model parent to my children... I survived and yes, we Baby Boomers are the champions!

Mourning the death of a 30-years friendship

I am mourning the death of a friendship. J is still alive but our friendship died. We met when we were 15 years old... grow up and older together. It's hard to believe that an email could kill a friendship but it did. I really did not meant for it to end this way and my email was to foster better understanding but her sms was filled with anger and hurting words. I though we could agree to disagree but it was easier to hate than love. If Michael Jackson's death could be so personal to many of us, surely the death of our friendship is even more tragic. Many can identity the lost of MJ because he was part of our growing years and his death signify the ending of a certain part of our youth. What more with J, we had fun, we had sun, we had season in the sun... many precious memories of our youth and friendship. Sigh... once, there were four, now only three left....

Will there be miracles?

Yahti is born on 23rd May 2009... like every other child, she is a little bundle full of unlimited potentials. We cannot see it but this tiny little tot presumably carries in herself the power to think and speak, choose and decide, see and learn and eventually become a mature human being.

But unfortunately, she was diagnosed at birth to be suffering from severe Glutaric Aciduria type 1 (GA1), an inherited rare, autosomal recessive metabolic disorder in which the body is unable to process certain proteins properly and Macrocephaly, a genetic condition that may be due to an enlarged brain or big head, water in the brain, bone overgrowth and other conditions. GA1 is dominated by dystonia, feeding problems, seizures and reduced life expectancy. Excessive levels of these amino acids and their intermediate breakdown products can accumulate and cause damage to the brain, particularly the basal ganglia, which are regions that help control movement. The most important factors determining life expectancy are the degree of mental retardation, mobility and the ability to feed.

Treatment may include intravenous fluids, bicarbonate and carnitine to keep her alive. Death usually occurs at childhood and the median age is 6 years. If left untreated, acute deterioration results in sudden death. However, the medication and supplements to keep Yahti alive is far beyond what her parents can afford. Is her life less precious than that of others born to rich and influential parents? There are many red tapes in order for her parents to get subsided medical treatment for their child… How sad it is that both parents are ignorant of the severity of her condition and decide not to give her the required supplements because of the high cost.

There is only that much we as volunteers can do… to do our best; give our utmost and let God do the rest. While I hope I am NOT a woman of little faith, it does take more than absolute trust in God… not only looking through the eyes of faith but through the eyes of God cos what she needs is a miracle. Sure, miracles still happen… moments when we are given unfailing strength to carry our cross or an unexplainable profound insight or a new experience of faith, hope and love… yes, anything, just about anything that shows the tangible love, compassion and mercy of God.

I hope I remember to bring my umbrella when I pray for rain for there will be miracles if we believe…

Watch your tongue

The tongue is one of the most powerful human faculties that God has given to mankind for the words we speak can do a great deal of good and also a lot of harm. “Man is able to tame all beasts but no one has been able to tame the tongue (James 3:6-7)”.

When we speak about our neighbour, do we remember not to judge but to speak in a spirit of love and thanksgiving? Can we truly stop judging, condemning, criticizing, belittling, despising others? When Michael Jackson passed on, many mourned while equally many showed no compassion. People make fun of his wacko ways, his “crimes” etc. But how much do they know about him, his character, the circumstances of his life, his problems, his virtues and his transgressions etc and yet it is so easy to point a finger and condemned him to hell. Precisely because we know so little of others… how then can we be so judgmental, unforgiving and negative? Yes, some of them may be crooks, murderers, and thieves… but did it occur to you “what would have become of you, if you had been in their shoes?” We must bear in mind that only God can be his final judge because only God knows all the circumstances of his life.

The tongue has a great power to build up as well as to destroy, to create good and also evil. If we use our tongue well, it will always bear fruit since every word or deed, no matter how small is like a seed that falls on the ground and will eventually bear its fruit and then others may experience its wonderful effect. Yes, it only takes a spark to get the fire burning… either to give light or to create total devastation.

When death comes knocking

If there is one thing we can be certain of in life, it is death. It is not death per se that most people are afraid of, after all once you are dead, you won't know and feel anything about it. What is frightening to people is the process of dying and another potentially frightening event is the death of a loved one which is certainly very sad and painful.

The causes of death range widely from terminal illness, sudden death, accidental etc. Whatever the cause, the outcome is the same. A loved one is no longer with us. When death touches us, it is multi-faceted and there is no right or wrong answer.

Yesterday, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died one after another. Today, it’s someone else and tomorrow is may be you and I. Death will come to take us away and there is no escape death comes every day. We can choose how we want to live but we cannot choose how and when we want to die. So, don’t bother running away cos death will find you whether you like it or not.

Life is not eternal and death will come when our responsibilities on this earth are completed. We may not know when but the end will definitely come. Young or old, be ready to die and accept death with total submission and gratitude to God for a life well-spent. Live wisely and authentically, love sincerely and whole-heartedly, give without expectation, be grateful for everything good and bad, so that when we die, there will be no regrets for some of the little things in life that we often take for granted until it is too late.

To live is to die and to die is to live. He who die before he dies does not die when he dies.

What are you really looking for in life?

Once you look deeper, beyond your desire for a bigger house or a fancier car, you will most likely discover that what you're truly searching for is not more "stuff," but more happiness, more joy, more peace. It may seem some people are born with enjoyment for life programmed into their hardwiring, whereas for others finding happiness seems an elusive goal. But, like any programming, yours can be changed.

If you haven't taken the time to explore what brings joy to your life on a regular basis, you may realize you don't even know what brings you happiness anymore. If that's the case, try out different things, including some you've never done before. The answers just might surprise you.....

Be grateful. Incorporate a daily gratitude session where you identify something you are grateful for. You can express your gratitude in any number of ways: silently say "thank you," call or email the person you want to thank, or devise your own gratitude ritual. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future.

Take time to savor life. Cut down the rushing from one thing to the next – delegate or say no – to reduce your number of appointments and daily tasks. Stop gossiping. Be selective about the information you expose yourself to. It can have an incredible impact on your level of personal happiness.

Laugh now! When you're in the middle of a mess, look around you and realize the absurdity of the moment. Remind yourself that a year from now, no one will care, and you'll probably be laughing about it anyway, so why wait? Laugh about it now! One of the major causes of stress is worrying about things that are out of your control. Learn to recognize these things and if you can truly do nothing about them, then just let them go. Take time to laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in. Laughter is a powerful, positive medicine and the calmer and more peaceful you can take things, the happier your life will be.

Wish the best for others and mean it. It is so easy to be jealous and petty and forget to celebrate the good fortune of your coworkers, friends and family. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.

Get involved. Be a volunteer. Be yourself. You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you. Don't compare yourself to other people be it at work or in your personal life. Build friendship. Surround yourself with friends who are positive, encouraging, and helpful. We all need this continuing, positive encouragement to make solid positive progress in life.

Happiness is important for so many reasons, beyond the obvious fact that most people would prefer to be happy rather than not. There is little doubt about the powerful effects positive emotions can have on your physical health and well-being. If you can become happier, you will help build a better world. If you can improve your ability to address stresses and negative emotions, you're more likely to be able to do the things that no one would claim are trivial. Building positive emotions through humour is one of the most natural things you can do to bring joy to your work, and broaden your view of this world in which we live. Happiness isn't so much something you strive for but a spontaneous natural result of pursuing your God-given mission in life -- and following a natural lifestyle that allows your body to function at its highest possible level.

Sorry but no apology

Why is it so hard to acknowledge one’s wrongdoing? It seems that humans are "hard wired" to apologize. Half-hearted and disingenuous apologies are usually worse than not apologizing at all. It not only insults the recipient but makes it more unbearable as it’s like rubbing salt in the wound. An ineffective apology is not acknowledging the offence or expressing remorse.

The word "sorry" has a wonderful unique meaning… "pain at heart, distress, sad, full of grief or sorrow". These days, it is so easily tossed around that we probably need a new word to make an apology seem genuine. Often people say "sorry if I hurt you", "sorry for any offence my words might have caused you" or "sorry for hurting you because...". It is the words "if and any" that really ruin these apologies. One should be sorry that he/she offended someone, not due to "if or any". The whole purpose of apologizing is that someone has been hurt. Don’t try to minimize it as if something might or might not be out there. If one is sincerely sorry, then it is only right to take responsibility for what happened; explain how and why it happened; assure that it will not happen again and offer appropriate reparation. A sincere apology has the power to heal humiliations, free the mind from guilt, remove the desire for vengeance and mend relationship. Ultimately, every apology requires the offender’s attitudes and commitments to authentic honesty, generosity, humility, commitment, and courage. I hope that apologies will someday be applied to all humanity interactions sincerely.

Today will be memory too

Memory plays a central role in our pains, grief, joys and self actualization but they are not simply dependent on the events of our lives, but even more so, in the ways we remember these events. The events of our lives are probably less significant than the form they stay in our memory.

A French writer-politician once said "one day, it will be realized that men are distinguishable from one another as much by the forms their memories take as by their characters. People remember a similar illness, accident, success or surprise in very different ways and the way we remember these events will affect our self-confidence and directions more than the actual event itself."

It is not surprising then that most of our emotions are closely related to our memory. Remorse is a biting memory, guilt is an accusing memory, gratitude is a joyful memory. Such emotions deeply influence the way we integrate past events into our being and perceive the world with our memories. It is our memories that help us to see and understand new impressions and give them a place in our life experiences.

Our first and most spontaneous response to our undesirable memories is to forget them. When something painful has happened, we just want to forget it and act as if it did not happen. We want to forget the pains of the past and live as if they did not really happen.Alas, but that is just impossible. We can forgive but we can't forget because God gives us a brain with all its cognitive abilities and memory.

The cause of sadness in a person's life is an unhealed memory - a hidden resentment, a suppressed guilt, an unconfessed sin and a painful past. Precisely because these bad memories are often deeply embedded in our long term memory, they hurt even more deadly. By cutting off our past, we paralyze our future and by forgetting the evil behind us, we evoke the evil in front of us. Indeed, he who forgets the past is doomed to repeat it.

Spiritual healing does not primarily means to take away our pains but to reveal that our pains are part of a greater pain, that our sorrows are part of a greater sorrow, that our experience is part of the great experience of God and to accept our past hurts as part of God's will and providence. Prayers are marvellous healing opportunity to cast all our cares onto God and to trust Him in everything. But can we do it effectively, moving forward in life in such a way that all our desires, thoughts and actions are constantly guided by Him?

God provides, He understands... these words sustain me so that I can continue to live my life in pride and courage, giving unlimited love and exploring the limitless potential of being in the midst of what I have gone through. I know that I am still constantly falling into self-defeating emotion and behaviour but I am certain that I will rise again, not in my time but in God's time and this reminder helps to ground and guide the present undercurrent of my life now, difficult as it may be.

Reminiscing those good old days when I listened to Barbra Streisand's "Memory", stayed up all night, drinking and talking about how one day I would... blah blah blah. Perhaps now is not a good time to remember unless it is something beautiful for the memory I have now is too painful even for anyone to want to remember but as Streisand goes..."All alone in the moonlight... life was beautiful then, I remember the time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again...... I must wait for the sunrise, I must think of a new life and I mustn't give in. When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too and a new day will begin."

Love is so painful

It is easy to talk about love and mostly it is beyond what we expect or desire. Love is awesome yet awful since God's love transcends the human definition of love to a point that is metaphorically hard for us to comprehend. Theologically, there is no need for Jesus to be crucified for our salvation and redemption of our sins. The primary symbol of God’s love is the crucifixion that provides a prominent and visual statement about love. 

Agape love entails lots of pain and suffering. I have encountered many form of love in life - people love me for my generosity, love me for my company etc etc but they are only superficial love. I realised that one never really love another unless their love brings pain and suffering. Jesus died on the cross to show us what unfailing love is all about, not because He has to in order that we may have salvation. His crucifixion is a sign of loving unconditionally and He suffered intense pain to carry that agape love to Calvary. Love goes beyond oneself. It’s the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Today, I finally know why there is no end to my suffering…that’s because I have not reached Calvary yet.

Looking at arrogrance from another perspective

Arrogance and self-confidence are different but yet they are related and subjective judgment. Arrogance has a negative annotation as it gives an impression of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or presumptuous claims. It fosters a negative-minded culture, not to mention the animosity it breeds. People tend to create arbitrary rules and complexities to satisfy some sort of exertion of social judgment by making arrogance a legacy of tyranny and character flaw. 

Two factors are assumed to induce impressions of arrogance in reaction to others' accounts for success: the dimensions underlying the cause for success and the perceived desirability of the cause. Weiner's attribution theory has become a major research paradigm of social psychology. It was proposed that circumstances ascribing success to internal, stable, uncontrollable, and desirable causes represent positive given qualities of a person such as intelligence and beauty can lead to perceptions of arrogance and lack of modesty. 

While seemingly only a few people act arrogantly, it could be considered a human trait, at least potentially. We also know we are not hard-wired to conduct ourselves in a certain way but are capable of making choices. While a peacock may seem arrogant, in the animal kingdom that would have a neutral value whether a peacock actually was or not. Arrogance is a relative matters. It is neither saintly nor neutral. Isn’t sin also relative matter? Arrogance isn’t exactly murder, plunder… or even illegal. So what is the problem then, if any?

Some humans are seemingly predisposed to be arrogant but only under the right conditions, or, more specifically, given the chance to express it without fear of retaliation. Everyone's decisions and opinions are based on their background of information, life, experience, knowledge, status, position etc. The limitations have been formed and different opinions are coming up accordingly. Hence, self-confidence and arrogance are supported by one's background and when these people really trust themselves and believe that what they are saying and doing is a great and scarcity power indeed. It is difficult to have self-confidence if people do not have a good understanding about themselves as it needs successful history and logical analysis to support their confidence. Arrogant is confidence + judgment + courage. I believe that arrogance is positive if it can drive you to a right direction. Arrogant people stand up for what they believe in and are not afraid to speak their mind. They tend to be very extroverted and stand out in the world without the need to broadcast the common achievements of life. Real arrogance, when applied properly, gives the impression of perceived sense of superiority, wealth, and achievement without discussing it. It simply exudes.

Although many distinguish arrogance as a camouflage for low self esteem, it is absolutely ridiculous to put the two traits together. Arrogance is too “high and mighty” to be associated with this negative low self image as it exaggerated responses to defeats or disappointments, inability and reluctant to express own ideas and lacks belief in self. How can arrogance and low self esteem integrate when there is much difference between passivity and action, failure and success? Research shows that people with high self confidence and high intelligence suffer loss in self esteem are often confined to one domain such as academic achievement where they feel they have fail to live up to their own academic expectations. These people remain high achiever in their other areas of strength. Psychiatrists often perceive that arrogant people behave the way they do in order to mask their insecurities, self-consciousness and low self-esteem. Their reasons being there is an inherent fear of rejection which forces them to cover up their feelings and adopt oppressive mannerisms so that nobody can afford to ignore them. On the contrary, it is high self esteem that is more correlated to self confidence and arrogance as it defines practice of living consciously, of self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposefulness and of integrity.If in the face of discomfitting fear, a conscience cannot trust itself  and has a guiding principle of preferring blindness to sight, then this person cannot experiences self-respect if his action betrays consciousness, knowledge, conviction and operates without integrity. People can be inspired, stimulated or coached to live more consciously, practice greater self-acceptance, operate more self-responsibly, function more self-assertively, live more purposefully, and bring a higher level of personal integrity but the task of generating and sustaining these practices falls on each of us alone but not everyone can live up to this calling.

The purpose of being arrogant is to "tone down" or silence your critics, dreamers, armchair socialists and diehard cynics. Being arrogant does not necessary mean being rude and forgetting one's basic etiquette around others. Manners serve as the means by which you maintain your aloofness and keep others distant in a socially acceptable way. The right blend of arrogance and humbleness is considered to be irresistible. Many great leaders gain much respect although they are outrageously arrogant. Only one leader has the guts "to get out of his grave to get things going even when he is six feet underground". There’s what arrogance is about, doing things that no one else dare to. Is there anything negative about arrogance then? In a nutshell, not everyone has the high caliber to be arrogant.

Looking at death

Today we are and tomorrow we are gone. When we are taken out of sight, soon we pass out of mind as well. Hence, we ought to master ourselves in every act and thought as if we were to die today. If we have a good conscience, we would not fear death so much, If you are not prepared today, how will you be ready tomorrow? Tomorrow is an uncertainty and how do you know if tomorrow ever come?

What good is it to live long when we improve so little. A long life that does not make us a e better person often adds to our problems. Would that we could spend even one day well in this world?Many people are afraid to die but yet make no attempts to change their lives.

Blessed is the person who always has the hour of death before his eyes and who is daily prepared to die. Always be ready and live authentically so that death may never find you unprepared. Many people die suddenly and unexpectedly for no one knows when that final hour will come. When that final hour does come, you will begin to think quite differently about all your part life and you will be exceedingly sorry that you were so heartless, unkind and remiss.

How happy and wise is that person who strives now to be in life what he wished to be found in death. He will die happily if has lived for God and not for himself with a burning desire to advance in virtue, love of discipline, spirit of penance, self denial and the strength to bear any hardhip for the love of God. Strive to live in such a way that in the hour of death, you may rejoice rather than fear.

Be AWARE of what is happening to this world

Is religious belief central to a vigorous and affluent society? George Washington warned “never to indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion”. Even Hitler knew that secular schools could never be tolerated because a morality that is not founded on religion is built “on thin air”. Thus, I wondered why some people cannot understand that without a moral backbone based on religion, society will suffer. Morality is absolutely a necessary function of social interactions and human communities.

With or without religion, few people have a tremendous capacity for empathy. Sympathy, yes but not empathy. No one knows of the pain that they might cause others unless their hearts have been pierced by a sword as well. Society is simply retarded at disapproving immoral behaviour and teachings. The savanna effect is threatening our capability to agape love, altruism and compassion. It is no longer an issue of difference, but of intolerance, when secularism insist on doing things their way like promoting homosexuality, approval of premarital sex, and worst of all that “anal sex can be healthy or neutral if practised with consent and with a condoms”. Unless a parent himself is a homosexual, would he encourage his son to enjoy anal sex without shame and indignity? Alas, we must be AWARE that pushing such values into our society is nothing but a total disregard of the integrity of other human beings. Can we then conclude that having pedophiles roaming the street without fears is nothing astonishing since they have such an awful awesome or awesome awful secular philosophy backing them up?

Of course the claim that morality must be dependent on religious belief may be just an empirical hypothesis. I am sure that both the atheist and agnostic would agree that morality based on positive choice is preferable to one based on fear but it must be founded on firm principles framed independently that guarantee and value the right kind of freedom and commitment. After so many centuries of natural selection of genes, moral behaviour is still unable to ensure community survival. Throughout history, people allowed illogical and immoral actions due to the misuse and misinterpretation of scriptures, doctrines, dogmas and philosophy. Morality is necessarily based upon what we value. Unless we value something, it makes no sense to say that there is a moral requirement that we defend it or prohibit harm from coming to it.

It is a fact that religion has been used to commit atrocities but it has also been used to preserve societies. When secularism fails, religion comes in and rescues society. Religion is a society thing, a communal thing, and whatever the religion, it preserves life. If a secular government fails to protect its people and maintain stability, religious is the one holding people together. Undeniably, religious teachings are not infalliable but it does provide a good fundamental viewpoint.

There was a time when most nations and communities were ethnically, culturally, and religiously homogenous. This allowed them to rely upon common religious principles and traditions when crafting public laws and public moral requirements. There are always variations between the moral values held by individuals and the values required of an entire community, yet what moral values are legitimate to impose on a community defined by religious pluralism? It would be wrong to single out any one religion’s morality to elevate above all the other faiths. At best we could pick those values which all have in common; even better would be to exercise the right moral values based upon reason rather than any religions’ scriptures and traditions.

Perhaps this is the moment to inculcate awareness of ethics of principled conviction so that people will act ethically and the ethics of responsibility so that they understand the consequences of their decisions and actions, not just their high-minded substandard principles. The Hippocratic Oath is a good example based on the outcome orientated ethics of responsibility and it should serve as a foundation for other principles that define good morals. But then again, how many doctors have also forgotten the Hippocratic Oath... Moral or no moral, we shall answer to God and ourselves one day.

Swine Flu

Death is inevitable. While premature death is a misfortune, we should view it from a more positive perspective that we are not immortal and cannot continue to be who we are now and remain meaningfully attached to life forever. Perhaps it is more acceptable to die at an advanced age when people who live long enough not to be grounded down by life as they have attained many of their aspirations. Premature death can be terrible in the sense that it comes when we still have many interests and desires that propel us forward in life.

The recent global warning that swine flu is threatening to bloom into a pandemic is causing widespread fear. Anticipating death can be a dreadful to the extent that it upsets and unsettles people. Pandemics can cause high levels of mortality with the Spanish flu responsible for over 50 millions death. The Asian flu infected 45 millions people and killed 70,000 and the Hong Kong flu afflicted 50 millions and caused 33,000 deaths.

WHO has declared a Phase 5 outbreak, the 2nd highest on its threat scale indicating that a pandemic could be imminent. Health Minister Khaw said it is only a matter of time before someone with swine flu entered Singapore. Hey, who is playing God here? Have we reached a pandemic level yet? The figures of suspected cases and death are far from a pandemic. What puzzle me is that medical researchers should be well aware of the mutation of flu virus and contingency plans for a possible global pandemic should have been in order long before the swine flu begins its battle. Although it is prudent to be cautious, but unnecessary step up measures only create more panic and achieve nothing but a waste of manpower, time and funds. So, what has been achieved so far… jitters over swine flu worldwide.

Medical researchers have also acknowledged that the swine virus can be easily beaten if treated properly and quickly. Unfortunately, Mexico lacks the capacity to identify the virus and the health care system is not efficient enough to control it. Don’t panic. Everyone has to die one day and we cannot choose when and how we want to die… peacefully in our sleep, by accident, suicide, illness or killed by Sars, mad cow disease, bird flu or swine flu. Que sera sera.

Disappointment is part of life

All of us have to face disappointment at one time of another. That is one sure pledge and simple fact of life. Not everything is always going to go smoothly in our life. How we handle disappointment says a lot about who we are and who we want to be. The true measure of an unbeaten person is one who handles that disappointment with grace and dignity. The last thing you want or need is constant focus on someone or something that has upset you. Disappointment may truly have thrown us a huge blow but still we have to move on so that it will not drag us down and lowers our self confidence. It's easy to get caught in a rut after getting hit with disappointment, pain and regret.

Am I upset about my life? You bet. Have I learnt a lesson? Sure have. Will I remember it? Sure will. After venting my frustration I need to move on too, otherwise my attention will be focused on stuff that only brings more frustration and sadness.

Having an attitude of gratitude always puts me in a better place. By the time I get through thinking of all the great people, experiences and blessings I am grateful for, I usually can’t remember what had made me so disappointed in the first place but of course that takes time too. Does time heal everything? Yes and no. Life is certainly ambiguous to begin with.

Suspect X

I rarely watch movies especially onboard a flight. Most of the time, I fall asleep even before flight take off or when plane is on the runway. However, on my flight back from Tokyo recently, I had a peep at the movie my friend was watching when the stewardess woke me up for meal.

I found the plot of “Suspect X” intriguing and intricate. It presents the equation question and answer upfront while taking time in divulging the process that happens in a philosophical explanation of a simple murder made complicated. In mathematic equation questions, one is often required to solve x or when the answer for x is given, one would be required to explain the steps in solving the equation. The answer was simple and yet when one approaches the question with a certain viewpoint; it would be hard to figure it out. It definitely tests one’s astuteness that unsolvable questions need to be looked at from a different non conventional perspective. The vigor of “Suspect X” lies in the intellectual one-upmanship between the genius Mathematician Tetsuya Ishigami and the brilliant Physicist, Manabu Yukawa while unrevealing the “why” and “how” of the murder. It marks the beginning of an antagonistic battle of wills between the two very intelligent men to outwit one another.


This movie also underlines the issue of social isolation that is so common in Japan. This seclusion often leads one to commit suicide as a way out of their misery. In order to understand why the Japanese are often seem as reserved and untrusting, it has to go back to the root of 2nd world war. Their ambiguity towards life is the aftermath effect of the atrocity and cruelty as aggressor of the war. Isolation in itself is a very painful and stressful in and of itself. It produces physiological changes, which if prolonged, can produce serious morbidity or mortality and even highly brilliant person cannot escape its grasp as in the case of Ishigami.

Beside the crime solving, it also attempted to present an equation on love and the perplexed question of whether the mystery of love could be solved. One must have the ability to notice the fundamental meanings of unconventional love. For those who are able to read between the lines, they would be able to see a touching presentation of unrequited and altruistic love.
It is a lovely blend of murder mystery and the mysteries and concept of love.

A fool for God

Love is a great thing… it carries every burden unencumbered. It spurs us on to do great things without expecting any momentary gain. Nothing is sweeter than love, nothing stronger, nothing more sublime, nothing more expansive, nothing more joyful, nothing more abundant. Yet, because of love, I suffered and get hurt. While I am not looking for gratitude or earthly rewards, I can’t help feeling the pain when others bite the very hand that feeds them.

How enormous is human frailty in doing things that should not and how can one not embrace love and gratitude in a reciprocal manner? Many said I never learnt my lesson … once bitten twice shy, twice bitten never try. Oh well, but I rather be a fool for God than an advocate for the devil. Can love really change the world? Can love really change everything? Can you feel the love? I hope so.

Be grateful

Most times, it is so easy to forget to express the appreciation that we should feel for the little day to day things that happen in our lives, the many overlooked blessings we receive from God and the importance of expressing thankfulness for the things, so many of us often take for granted.

Sincere gratitude empowers us to focus on the positive aspects of life and develops into greater awareness and appreciation of little blessings that make up an awesome experience and gratitude is always the sweet memory of the heart. Do bear in mind that silent gratitude doesn’t mean very much to anyone at all. Therefore, be grateful always and express it!