Will there be miracles?

Yahti is born on 23rd May 2009... like every other child, she is a little bundle full of unlimited potentials. We cannot see it but this tiny little tot presumably carries in herself the power to think and speak, choose and decide, see and learn and eventually become a mature human being.

But unfortunately, she was diagnosed at birth to be suffering from severe Glutaric Aciduria type 1 (GA1), an inherited rare, autosomal recessive metabolic disorder in which the body is unable to process certain proteins properly and Macrocephaly, a genetic condition that may be due to an enlarged brain or big head, water in the brain, bone overgrowth and other conditions. GA1 is dominated by dystonia, feeding problems, seizures and reduced life expectancy. Excessive levels of these amino acids and their intermediate breakdown products can accumulate and cause damage to the brain, particularly the basal ganglia, which are regions that help control movement. The most important factors determining life expectancy are the degree of mental retardation, mobility and the ability to feed.

Treatment may include intravenous fluids, bicarbonate and carnitine to keep her alive. Death usually occurs at childhood and the median age is 6 years. If left untreated, acute deterioration results in sudden death. However, the medication and supplements to keep Yahti alive is far beyond what her parents can afford. Is her life less precious than that of others born to rich and influential parents? There are many red tapes in order for her parents to get subsided medical treatment for their child… How sad it is that both parents are ignorant of the severity of her condition and decide not to give her the required supplements because of the high cost.

There is only that much we as volunteers can do… to do our best; give our utmost and let God do the rest. While I hope I am NOT a woman of little faith, it does take more than absolute trust in God… not only looking through the eyes of faith but through the eyes of God cos what she needs is a miracle. Sure, miracles still happen… moments when we are given unfailing strength to carry our cross or an unexplainable profound insight or a new experience of faith, hope and love… yes, anything, just about anything that shows the tangible love, compassion and mercy of God.

I hope I remember to bring my umbrella when I pray for rain for there will be miracles if we believe…

Watch your tongue

The tongue is one of the most powerful human faculties that God has given to mankind for the words we speak can do a great deal of good and also a lot of harm. “Man is able to tame all beasts but no one has been able to tame the tongue (James 3:6-7)”.

When we speak about our neighbour, do we remember not to judge but to speak in a spirit of love and thanksgiving? Can we truly stop judging, condemning, criticizing, belittling, despising others? When Michael Jackson passed on, many mourned while equally many showed no compassion. People make fun of his wacko ways, his “crimes” etc. But how much do they know about him, his character, the circumstances of his life, his problems, his virtues and his transgressions etc and yet it is so easy to point a finger and condemned him to hell. Precisely because we know so little of others… how then can we be so judgmental, unforgiving and negative? Yes, some of them may be crooks, murderers, and thieves… but did it occur to you “what would have become of you, if you had been in their shoes?” We must bear in mind that only God can be his final judge because only God knows all the circumstances of his life.

The tongue has a great power to build up as well as to destroy, to create good and also evil. If we use our tongue well, it will always bear fruit since every word or deed, no matter how small is like a seed that falls on the ground and will eventually bear its fruit and then others may experience its wonderful effect. Yes, it only takes a spark to get the fire burning… either to give light or to create total devastation.

When death comes knocking

If there is one thing we can be certain of in life, it is death. It is not death per se that most people are afraid of, after all once you are dead, you won't know and feel anything about it. What is frightening to people is the process of dying and another potentially frightening event is the death of a loved one which is certainly very sad and painful.

The causes of death range widely from terminal illness, sudden death, accidental etc. Whatever the cause, the outcome is the same. A loved one is no longer with us. When death touches us, it is multi-faceted and there is no right or wrong answer.

Yesterday, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died one after another. Today, it’s someone else and tomorrow is may be you and I. Death will come to take us away and there is no escape death comes every day. We can choose how we want to live but we cannot choose how and when we want to die. So, don’t bother running away cos death will find you whether you like it or not.

Life is not eternal and death will come when our responsibilities on this earth are completed. We may not know when but the end will definitely come. Young or old, be ready to die and accept death with total submission and gratitude to God for a life well-spent. Live wisely and authentically, love sincerely and whole-heartedly, give without expectation, be grateful for everything good and bad, so that when we die, there will be no regrets for some of the little things in life that we often take for granted until it is too late.

To live is to die and to die is to live. He who die before he dies does not die when he dies.

What are you really looking for in life?

Once you look deeper, beyond your desire for a bigger house or a fancier car, you will most likely discover that what you're truly searching for is not more "stuff," but more happiness, more joy, more peace. It may seem some people are born with enjoyment for life programmed into their hardwiring, whereas for others finding happiness seems an elusive goal. But, like any programming, yours can be changed.

If you haven't taken the time to explore what brings joy to your life on a regular basis, you may realize you don't even know what brings you happiness anymore. If that's the case, try out different things, including some you've never done before. The answers just might surprise you.....

Be grateful. Incorporate a daily gratitude session where you identify something you are grateful for. You can express your gratitude in any number of ways: silently say "thank you," call or email the person you want to thank, or devise your own gratitude ritual. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future.

Take time to savor life. Cut down the rushing from one thing to the next – delegate or say no – to reduce your number of appointments and daily tasks. Stop gossiping. Be selective about the information you expose yourself to. It can have an incredible impact on your level of personal happiness.

Laugh now! When you're in the middle of a mess, look around you and realize the absurdity of the moment. Remind yourself that a year from now, no one will care, and you'll probably be laughing about it anyway, so why wait? Laugh about it now! One of the major causes of stress is worrying about things that are out of your control. Learn to recognize these things and if you can truly do nothing about them, then just let them go. Take time to laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in. Laughter is a powerful, positive medicine and the calmer and more peaceful you can take things, the happier your life will be.

Wish the best for others and mean it. It is so easy to be jealous and petty and forget to celebrate the good fortune of your coworkers, friends and family. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.

Get involved. Be a volunteer. Be yourself. You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you. Don't compare yourself to other people be it at work or in your personal life. Build friendship. Surround yourself with friends who are positive, encouraging, and helpful. We all need this continuing, positive encouragement to make solid positive progress in life.

Happiness is important for so many reasons, beyond the obvious fact that most people would prefer to be happy rather than not. There is little doubt about the powerful effects positive emotions can have on your physical health and well-being. If you can become happier, you will help build a better world. If you can improve your ability to address stresses and negative emotions, you're more likely to be able to do the things that no one would claim are trivial. Building positive emotions through humour is one of the most natural things you can do to bring joy to your work, and broaden your view of this world in which we live. Happiness isn't so much something you strive for but a spontaneous natural result of pursuing your God-given mission in life -- and following a natural lifestyle that allows your body to function at its highest possible level.

Sorry but no apology

Why is it so hard to acknowledge one’s wrongdoing? It seems that humans are "hard wired" to apologize. Half-hearted and disingenuous apologies are usually worse than not apologizing at all. It not only insults the recipient but makes it more unbearable as it’s like rubbing salt in the wound. An ineffective apology is not acknowledging the offence or expressing remorse.

The word "sorry" has a wonderful unique meaning… "pain at heart, distress, sad, full of grief or sorrow". These days, it is so easily tossed around that we probably need a new word to make an apology seem genuine. Often people say "sorry if I hurt you", "sorry for any offence my words might have caused you" or "sorry for hurting you because...". It is the words "if and any" that really ruin these apologies. One should be sorry that he/she offended someone, not due to "if or any". The whole purpose of apologizing is that someone has been hurt. Don’t try to minimize it as if something might or might not be out there. If one is sincerely sorry, then it is only right to take responsibility for what happened; explain how and why it happened; assure that it will not happen again and offer appropriate reparation. A sincere apology has the power to heal humiliations, free the mind from guilt, remove the desire for vengeance and mend relationship. Ultimately, every apology requires the offender’s attitudes and commitments to authentic honesty, generosity, humility, commitment, and courage. I hope that apologies will someday be applied to all humanity interactions sincerely.

Today will be memory too

Memory plays a central role in our pains, grief, joys and self actualization but they are not simply dependent on the events of our lives, but even more so, in the ways we remember these events. The events of our lives are probably less significant than the form they stay in our memory.

A French writer-politician once said "one day, it will be realized that men are distinguishable from one another as much by the forms their memories take as by their characters. People remember a similar illness, accident, success or surprise in very different ways and the way we remember these events will affect our self-confidence and directions more than the actual event itself."

It is not surprising then that most of our emotions are closely related to our memory. Remorse is a biting memory, guilt is an accusing memory, gratitude is a joyful memory. Such emotions deeply influence the way we integrate past events into our being and perceive the world with our memories. It is our memories that help us to see and understand new impressions and give them a place in our life experiences.

Our first and most spontaneous response to our undesirable memories is to forget them. When something painful has happened, we just want to forget it and act as if it did not happen. We want to forget the pains of the past and live as if they did not really happen.Alas, but that is just impossible. We can forgive but we can't forget because God gives us a brain with all its cognitive abilities and memory.

The cause of sadness in a person's life is an unhealed memory - a hidden resentment, a suppressed guilt, an unconfessed sin and a painful past. Precisely because these bad memories are often deeply embedded in our long term memory, they hurt even more deadly. By cutting off our past, we paralyze our future and by forgetting the evil behind us, we evoke the evil in front of us. Indeed, he who forgets the past is doomed to repeat it.

Spiritual healing does not primarily means to take away our pains but to reveal that our pains are part of a greater pain, that our sorrows are part of a greater sorrow, that our experience is part of the great experience of God and to accept our past hurts as part of God's will and providence. Prayers are marvellous healing opportunity to cast all our cares onto God and to trust Him in everything. But can we do it effectively, moving forward in life in such a way that all our desires, thoughts and actions are constantly guided by Him?

God provides, He understands... these words sustain me so that I can continue to live my life in pride and courage, giving unlimited love and exploring the limitless potential of being in the midst of what I have gone through. I know that I am still constantly falling into self-defeating emotion and behaviour but I am certain that I will rise again, not in my time but in God's time and this reminder helps to ground and guide the present undercurrent of my life now, difficult as it may be.

Reminiscing those good old days when I listened to Barbra Streisand's "Memory", stayed up all night, drinking and talking about how one day I would... blah blah blah. Perhaps now is not a good time to remember unless it is something beautiful for the memory I have now is too painful even for anyone to want to remember but as Streisand goes..."All alone in the moonlight... life was beautiful then, I remember the time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again...... I must wait for the sunrise, I must think of a new life and I mustn't give in. When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too and a new day will begin."

Love is so painful

It is easy to talk about love and mostly it is beyond what we expect or desire. Love is awesome yet awful since God's love transcends the human definition of love to a point that is metaphorically hard for us to comprehend. Theologically, there is no need for Jesus to be crucified for our salvation and redemption of our sins. The primary symbol of God’s love is the crucifixion that provides a prominent and visual statement about love. 

Agape love entails lots of pain and suffering. I have encountered many form of love in life - people love me for my generosity, love me for my company etc etc but they are only superficial love. I realised that one never really love another unless their love brings pain and suffering. Jesus died on the cross to show us what unfailing love is all about, not because He has to in order that we may have salvation. His crucifixion is a sign of loving unconditionally and He suffered intense pain to carry that agape love to Calvary. Love goes beyond oneself. It’s the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Today, I finally know why there is no end to my suffering…that’s because I have not reached Calvary yet.

Looking at arrogrance from another perspective

Arrogance and self-confidence are different but yet they are related and subjective judgment. Arrogance has a negative annotation as it gives an impression of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or presumptuous claims. It fosters a negative-minded culture, not to mention the animosity it breeds. People tend to create arbitrary rules and complexities to satisfy some sort of exertion of social judgment by making arrogance a legacy of tyranny and character flaw. 

Two factors are assumed to induce impressions of arrogance in reaction to others' accounts for success: the dimensions underlying the cause for success and the perceived desirability of the cause. Weiner's attribution theory has become a major research paradigm of social psychology. It was proposed that circumstances ascribing success to internal, stable, uncontrollable, and desirable causes represent positive given qualities of a person such as intelligence and beauty can lead to perceptions of arrogance and lack of modesty. 

While seemingly only a few people act arrogantly, it could be considered a human trait, at least potentially. We also know we are not hard-wired to conduct ourselves in a certain way but are capable of making choices. While a peacock may seem arrogant, in the animal kingdom that would have a neutral value whether a peacock actually was or not. Arrogance is a relative matters. It is neither saintly nor neutral. Isn’t sin also relative matter? Arrogance isn’t exactly murder, plunder… or even illegal. So what is the problem then, if any?

Some humans are seemingly predisposed to be arrogant but only under the right conditions, or, more specifically, given the chance to express it without fear of retaliation. Everyone's decisions and opinions are based on their background of information, life, experience, knowledge, status, position etc. The limitations have been formed and different opinions are coming up accordingly. Hence, self-confidence and arrogance are supported by one's background and when these people really trust themselves and believe that what they are saying and doing is a great and scarcity power indeed. It is difficult to have self-confidence if people do not have a good understanding about themselves as it needs successful history and logical analysis to support their confidence. Arrogant is confidence + judgment + courage. I believe that arrogance is positive if it can drive you to a right direction. Arrogant people stand up for what they believe in and are not afraid to speak their mind. They tend to be very extroverted and stand out in the world without the need to broadcast the common achievements of life. Real arrogance, when applied properly, gives the impression of perceived sense of superiority, wealth, and achievement without discussing it. It simply exudes.

Although many distinguish arrogance as a camouflage for low self esteem, it is absolutely ridiculous to put the two traits together. Arrogance is too “high and mighty” to be associated with this negative low self image as it exaggerated responses to defeats or disappointments, inability and reluctant to express own ideas and lacks belief in self. How can arrogance and low self esteem integrate when there is much difference between passivity and action, failure and success? Research shows that people with high self confidence and high intelligence suffer loss in self esteem are often confined to one domain such as academic achievement where they feel they have fail to live up to their own academic expectations. These people remain high achiever in their other areas of strength. Psychiatrists often perceive that arrogant people behave the way they do in order to mask their insecurities, self-consciousness and low self-esteem. Their reasons being there is an inherent fear of rejection which forces them to cover up their feelings and adopt oppressive mannerisms so that nobody can afford to ignore them. On the contrary, it is high self esteem that is more correlated to self confidence and arrogance as it defines practice of living consciously, of self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposefulness and of integrity.If in the face of discomfitting fear, a conscience cannot trust itself  and has a guiding principle of preferring blindness to sight, then this person cannot experiences self-respect if his action betrays consciousness, knowledge, conviction and operates without integrity. People can be inspired, stimulated or coached to live more consciously, practice greater self-acceptance, operate more self-responsibly, function more self-assertively, live more purposefully, and bring a higher level of personal integrity but the task of generating and sustaining these practices falls on each of us alone but not everyone can live up to this calling.

The purpose of being arrogant is to "tone down" or silence your critics, dreamers, armchair socialists and diehard cynics. Being arrogant does not necessary mean being rude and forgetting one's basic etiquette around others. Manners serve as the means by which you maintain your aloofness and keep others distant in a socially acceptable way. The right blend of arrogance and humbleness is considered to be irresistible. Many great leaders gain much respect although they are outrageously arrogant. Only one leader has the guts "to get out of his grave to get things going even when he is six feet underground". There’s what arrogance is about, doing things that no one else dare to. Is there anything negative about arrogance then? In a nutshell, not everyone has the high caliber to be arrogant.