Missing my grandma

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. It seems like only yesteryear when my grandma passed away. She suffered an infarct, then deteriorated and lost her mind. I saw her suffering and much as I loved for her to be around, I preferred to let her go. I did not grieve then, I saw it as a relief for her pain.

Now more than a decade later, I still miss her very much. I miss her more than anything in this world. There were nights when tears rolled down my cheek and I called out softly to her. She was a very special lady. She was my pillar of strength. She was my sunshine and beacon of light. She had a heart full of love... gentle wisdom in her advice she would give, guiding me in the way I should live. She gave me so much love, so openly, so freely and so overwhelmingly.

People said time will ease the pain. I hope so too but it goes so slowly. Who could ever imagine my life has change so much since she left. Many painful things have happened to me and if only grandma is still around, she will definitely make it better for me. There is such an emptiness that I never knew before and a loneliness that does not go away. Now I grieve for my grandma like never before. Who would know I still miss her so so much. Her memory will embrace my heart and keep me company till we meet again one day. I love my grandma.

Serial killers - psychosis that lurk beneath the surface of modern society

What drives a man to kill a person and another and then another until he can no longer stop? It is not easy to understand serial killer as in any other addictive compulsion. Irrational behaviour cannot be defined by rational thought. In order to gain a more thorough understanding of serial murder, cross disciplinary approaches are necessary. In this age of advanced specialisation, new depths of understanding into the disciplines of science, sociology and psychology is a must. There is no single causative factor to which the crime of serial murder can be attributed. Each has its own distinct signature and ritual. Serial killers are inherent sadists who are fascinated with violence and pain.

There are five theories of serial murder, mainly the offence cycle, fantasy addiction model, medical model, narcissistic personality theory and evolutionary model. A common feature of each theory is the indication of low self esteem. The expression of low self esteem can be either overt or covert. It depends on the killer's psychological disposition in upbringing and individual experience. Very often, an investigation into the childhood of practically every serial killer reveals an appalling history of abuse and neglect. As their ill-fated attempts in society fail, they take excessive measures to meet their aims and their warped sense of security becomes a form of addiction. This provides them with a transitory sense of security and complete control over the victim. The covert manifestation of low self esteem are far more difficult to identify as the killers appear overly confident. However, this facade is in response to deep seated feelings of rejection and inadequacy. Rather than acknowledge their poor ego strength, they develop the belief that they are superior to other human beings and feel that the world owes them something.

The offence cycle theory defines a predictable sequence that repeats itself in the thoughts and actions of a serial killer. Murder becomes an addiction and is consider to be the only means of survival. The addiction builds cumulatively and like other debilitating and life threatening disease, is progressive. The serial killer commits his crimes for purely psychological gain and there is always some sexual component to these crimes. Hypersexuality is a mood altering experience in the same way heroin or cocaine addiction is mood altering. The sexual behaviour is a psychotropic agent and is utilised as a coping mechanism.

The fantasy addiction model gives rise to deviant fantasies that drive the act of murder. They fantasies about causing injury and torturing their victims. They feel no guilt but possess strong feelings of severe insecurity and general anger towards all others. They kill for the thrill of it and have no interest in having a dead body in their hands other than to fantasise about power and control over it. Fantasy also blurs the distinction between what is real and what is not. The fantasy itself is the primary cause of the feelings of isolation the serial killer experiences. This isolation leads to self hatred and anger against the world. This in turn serves to provoke violent acts which lead to greater isolation and therefore, greater reliance on fantasy. It is a vicious, self destructive, self perpetuating cycle which thrusts the serial killer further and further outside the realm of what society deems to be normal.

A highly organised killer appear to have no problem with self esteem. Rather than alerting suspicions, he comes across as a trusted person. These killers are so self confident that they exhibit features of narcissistic personality disorder. The diagnosis of a personality disorder can progress to such careless extreme that the person completely isolates himself from meaningful contact with others and evolved to a dangerous level of antisocial behaviour. Beyond the typical manifestations of antisocial behaviour, the serial killer is driven by an excessive need for attention. Id a serial killer is narcissistic by nature,he may believe in a "manifest destiny" to kill. Because he regards himself as being above all, he has the right to decide who may live and who should die. In short, he enjoys playing God.

The medical model is a significant and viable platform from which to approach the study of serial murder as it links the types of violence exhibited to various patterns of abuse. Traditionally, the serial killer is regarded as being either sociopathic or psychotic. During the commission of their crimes, serial killers sever themselves from whatever sense of reality they are clinging to. They are unable to make the distinction between right and wrong because for them there is no such thing as right and wrong. Their only concern is what is going to satisfy their need to kill. Root causes include genetic defects, brain damage and chemical imbalances. The psychophysiological mechanisms that prevent most people from acting on impulses without forethought are absent within the serial killer.

The evolutionary model is used to identify killer who is both self sufficient and self seeking that the need of a social environment no longer exits. Victims are not considered to be people but object. He kills in order to see the end product of his work and collect the trophies of his labour, thus often keeps parts of victim's bodies for masturbatory purposes and the need for recognition, the desire to create a legacy of fear and most significantly, the overwhelming compulsion for committing crimes that not only defy all of conventional human logic but also shock and intrigue.

The first murder committed by a serial killer is an experience of euphoric physical and psychological arousal. Murder is a psychological high. The extreme of cruelty which the killer imposes upon his victim excites him to a state of sexual arousal. Necrophilia can best be described as sexual arousal stimulated by a dead body. The stimulation can be either in the form

of fantasies or actual physical sexual contact with the corpse.

Forensic science has provided some of the best tools for identifying and convicting serial killers but it cannot predict the determining causes of serial murder. Are serial killers themselves the victims of society? How can one measure true prevention, the type that precedes the commission of the crime? The motivations that drives a person to commit murder are cultivated in the darkest places of the mind but they do not grow without prolonged exposure to abuse and abandonment. Rejection, in its various form has turned people against one another.This circumstance is the darkest truth of all.

What are you giving up for Lent?

Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Season of Lent. It is a season of penance, reflection, and fasting that prepares us for Christ's Resurrection on Easter Sunday. By observing the forty days of Lent, we imitate Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for forty days. The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity.

The three traditional pillars of Lenten observance are prayer, fasting and almsgiving. Lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance, a season for reflection and awareness. The focus of Lent is also a time to prepare new converts for baptism through intensive classes and instruction. It is a time for long-standing Christians to review their lives and renew their commitment to their beliefs. More importantly, Lent is a time for serious, disciplined self-examination.

Some self examination questions upon which Christians might pray and meditate during Lent include:

(1) Am I sharing what I have with others?
(2) AM I gracious and patient with others, especially those who irritate you?
(3) Am I listening more to God and complaining less?
(4) AM I gossiping about others?
(4) Did I give to the poor and needy?
(5) Did I forgive those who have hurt me?
(6) Did I speak up for the maligned and oppressed?

The list can go on and on….

As for me I am giving up, giving in and giving out in my own ways. Smoking, I do not ; so I can’t give up smoking. Watching TV and surfing the net, I am not addicted, so I can’t that give up too. Cookies, ice-cream, chocolate etc I do not indulge, again I can’t give up. But I can give up being jealous or feeling depressed, I can give up a meal or two for the one child who die from starvation every six seconds, I can give up retail therapy. I can give in to a more prayerful life, I can sit silently with the Lord, I can read the Words of God everyday. I can give out to the poor and needy, I can continue to be a useful volunteer, I can give both money and kinds to a good cause.

Lent is really a preparation to celebrate God’s marvelous redemption at Easter, and the resurrected life that we live and hope for. It is essential to remember that nothing we do through self-denial or good works can ever repay the Lord for what He has accomplished for us. Lent is not about our giving up something just to please God; it is about what Jesus gave up to pay the penalty for the sins of the world… His dying on the cross.

The Good Samaritan

In the parable of the Good Samaritan, a Rabbi and a Levite ignore an injured man and passed by, with a Samaritan being the only one to stop and help. In today's modern world, this parable is becoming increasingly relevant. There are many examples of victims of crime being ignored and left helpless. The Good Samaritan is used to describe any person who goes out of his way to help another.

Luke 10:25-37
And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, "What is written in the law? How do you read?" And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." And he said to him, "You have answered right; do this, and you will live." But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was; and when he saw him, he had compassion, and went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; then he set him on his own beast and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, `Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.' Which of these three, do you think, proved neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?" He said, "The one who showed mercy on him." And Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise."

The righteousness of the law is indeed pretty clear about helping those who are in need even if that person is your enemy!

"If you come across your enemy's ox or donkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him. If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be sure you help him with it." (Exodus 23:4-5)

"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him." (Proverbs 24:17-18)

"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." (Proverbs 25:21-22)

If you encounter others in trouble, especially with people you want to avoid or do not like, how will you respond? Jesus contrasted the attitudes of three bystanders to the scene of a bloody victim beaten half-dead. Why did the religious leaders refuse help while an outsider, a Samaritan who was despised by the Jews, came to the rescue? Who showed true compassion and mercy? Jesus makes the supposed villain, the despised Samaritan, the merciful one as an example for the status conscious Jews. Why didn't the priest and Levite stop to help? The priest probably didn't want to risk the possibility of ritual impurity. His piety got in the way of charity. The Levite went close to the victim, but stopped short of actually helping him. Perhaps he fears that bandits might be waiting to ambush him. The Levite put personal safety ahead of saving his neighbour. The Samaritan not only stopped to help, he even went an extra mile to put him up in an inn and nurse him back to health. Are you willing and ready to do good for others, even to those you do not want to associate with? Who do you want to be, the Rabbi, the Levite or the Samaritan?

Alone and Lonely

All human beings are alone. No other person will completely feel like we do, think like we do or act like we do. Each of us is unique and our aloneness is the other side of our uniqueness. The question is whether we let our aloneness become loneliness or whether we allow it to lead us into solitude. Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect others in their uniqueness and create community.

Letting our aloneness grow into solitude and not into loneliness is a lifelong struggle. It requires conscious choices about whom to be with, what to study, how to pray, and when to ask for counsel. Being alone can have its advantages. Only wise choices will help us to find solitude where our hearts can grow in love. A creative person craves time to be alone. Professionals take sabbatical and spend time alone and return to work mentally and spiritually refreshed.

The strongest trees are those that grow alone. The greatest dreams are those conceived alone. God can speak to us only when we are alone. Our purpose and life's meaning will be revealed to us only when we are alone. Yes, solitude is not the hovel of a recluse but the mansion of a master.

I hope I will be able to live in solitude for the rest of this year.

Good works and alms giving

Being idealistic has brought me lots of headache. It makes me see more clearly than many others how almost everybody live for themselves. In the world today, nobody wants to hear about alms giving, good works, trust in God, prayers, fasting etc because all these entails sacrifices and leaving one's comfortable zone. Many question what they get in return of the "goodness" they do. They want recognition and applause. Gone are the days when the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing.

Doing good deeds require us to act to perfection our daily duties and perfection of charity toward others. Alas, it is difficult and painful for many to fulfill. If we consider the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, we know it is not said explicitly that the rich man is wicked and heartless. All we know is that he was rich and Lazarus was poor. Perhaps the rich man had a family, probably he was a good father, husband and son. Maybe he went to the synagogue every week and was an outstanding member of society. What is more, we have no reason to assume that the rich man did not help the poor. He may have donated to a charity organisation, he may have tithed. We really don't know but what we do know is that whatever else the rich man did in his life, he did not help Lazarus when he was in need and that lead to his eternal damnation. This one sin in which he rejected a single poor person cries out to Heaven. When even a single person who begs from us remain poor, the rich will hurl into hell.

Has anything change in 2000 years? Perhaps the rich man ignored Lazarus but at least he allowed him to sit and beg. In our world today, the presence of a beggar would most likely to lead us to call the police and have him taken away. If we see a fundraiser, we will probably walk the other way, reject him and even condemn him for being a nuisance. If the rich man had ignored the cry of Lazarus, we are more worst off than the rich man for we live in a society which systemically suffocates the poor's cry. When will we truly understand what Jesus really meant when he said "Blessed are you poor but woe to you who are rich". Without alms giving, how shall we ever inherit life everlasting? sigh......

The fragility of life

I have been a collaborator with the Marist Brothers in Cambodia for the last two years. I help them to raise funds for their community work and for the poor. But alas, I am no longer young and healthy and raising fund like planting rice is never fun. One of the Marist brothers has taken much effort to write a report on Pailin but somehow his report did not move many hearts. It has been three weeks since I started asking for financial assistance but only two people responded.

Some people commented “Oh, awesome work” and that’s it. I am not the least encouraged, in fact it makes me terribly sad and I want to give up “asking for the widow’s mite”. I want to shout to God to send someone else for I cannot move any hearts. Last Sunday, I watched with awe and a heavy heart the amount of money raised at the President’s Star Charity Night... a whopping S$5.7 million and here I am “begging” for USD7,100 to employ two teachers, buy 10 used computer, build a library for 100+ children in Pailin without any result. What a setback!

Just as I was about to give up, forget about what fund-raising and just mind my own business… I received a mail this morning from a Marist novice desperately asking for help for his aged parents and mentally ill brother as flood has destroyed their entire rice crop. I also read a blog written by Brian… “We were saddened recently when a young man collapsed at our centre here in Pailin, soon after he died in the local hospital. We do not know the cause of his death but it did bring home to all of us the fragility of life. I was struck by the fact that for many of our students at the centre, their life is one of poverty, one which many go about with a quiet dignity. It is the same of them in death. There was no great funeral procession for Vuthy, just a simple time of mourning in his family home a mere hour after his passing. I think that some of the local people were wondering who the white man was who was there viewing the body and saying his silent prayers for the deceased but my presence was respected and Vuthy’s short life was honoured.” People pass away every day, but unless we lose someone that we know personally, our own death may not be something that we think about frequently. So, who is Vuthy???? It’s like every now and again we need reminders of our place on earth and just how fleeting life is.

The fragility of life… is it a wake up call? Who knows what tomorrow will bring? But for today, I know God has touched my heart to do something for Sytha and the children in Pailin. Life is fragile and hence we ought to be grateful. We never know what difficulties we may encounter one day when we have to shout to the Lord to save us just as we do not know how others are suffering now and why we reject to be God’s instrument to their prayers. Perhaps one day, we may have to rely on these very people whom we refuse to help today.

We work hard to achieve success, acquire wealth, fill the aching voids in our heart, and to look good, (read carefully it’s to look good not do good) in society. Often times, we give very little thought to what is beyond this life. We are caught up in ensuring a comfortable life for ourselves here and now. Then one day when it hits us that life is fragile and fleeting, we find that all we have chased after here on earth will not save us when it comes to eternity.

The Widow's mite

Have you ever heard a sermon about the “widow’s mite” and her generosity as a giver or have you ever explored that theme in an exhortation to others about the imperative of “sacrificial” giving?

The story of the widow's gift to the Temple of her last two coins (Mk 12:41-44 & Luke 21:1-4) described a beautiful act in the desert of official devotion and almost universally is seen as some kind of observation on the measuring of gifts, or as an exhortation to “give till it hurts”, or as an example of some virtue to be acquired. Yet, apart from the text, if any one of us were actually to see in real life a poor widow giving the very last of her money to religion, would we not judge the act to be repulsive and to be based on misguided piety because she would be neglecting her own needs? Do we really think that Jesus would have reacted otherwise? Do we really think that he would have enthused over such a donation?

The range of exegetical opinion of the Widow’s mite is amazing. The point of Jesus' commendation is that the true measure of gifts is not how much is given but how much the gift represents and that the true measure of gifts is the self-denial involved and the cost of it for the giver. It is not the amount which one gives that matters but the spirit in which the gift is given specify self-offering, unquestioning surrender, total commitment, loyalty and devotion to God's call, gratitude, generosity, humility and unobtrusiveness, trust in God to provide for one's needs and lastly detachment from possessions.

The moral of the story is that alms and other pious gifts should correspond with one's means. All that Jesus says is: “She gave more . . . for they all contributed out of their abundance but she out of her want has put in everything she had, her whole living.” Presumably Jesus is implying that the widow gave more because her gift was a sacrifice. It is gratuitous to say that it is not the amount but the spirit accompanying the gift which makes the difference. When Jesus tells the story of the widow giving her only two pennies, he never actually praises her. He never actually makes a value judgement over her great sacrifice. Most Christians have always assumed that Jesus is praising this widow for her gift, and that he intends his disciples to take a lesson on Christian giving from her story. He just says, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those contributing to the treasury.” Sure, she gave out of her poverty, they out of their wealth. But Jesus never says “be like her,” he just says don’t be like the scribes. We should remember that men's offerings are not to be reckoned at their outward value but only by the motive of the heart.

Not only today do we find the widow's action painful but are we actually empowered by God to serve the needs of those who most need help? That's the challenge that the story of the widow's mite puts before us. Let us dedicate our offerings to the mission that Christ has set before us which is a people-centered mission. A mission that directs our resources, money as well as time and talents to that which matters the most…people in need!

Why do people fall in love?

Love is an intense, universal and intriguing emotion that knows no barriers of race, age and culture. It is an expression of profound affection, caring and attachment. Eulogized as life's driving force and cliched as "making the world go round" or "doing strange things to people". It is famously known to blind those it envelops!

When two people fall madly in love, the brain’s pleasure centres are activated causing the release of few chemicals such as dopamine, pheromones and serotonin. These chemicals are directly responsible for excitement, mood swings and generally lost in their own world. Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. It is the most exhilarating of all human emotions and probably nature’s beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproducing.

The dynamics of being in love is our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and effectiveness. One of the ways that we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion.

Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. Only about 40% of people report falling in love quickly or love at first sight. Researches have shown that kindness and intelligence are extremely important in the process of falling in love. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

Love is not beyond the realm of science and the human brain, falling in love is just a matter of chemistry.

The danger of anger

Anger is a normal sentiment we feel when something unjust happened and when someone has let us down or hurt us, be it deliberately or not. This anger usually comes as a reaction to injustice and sin. The problem with anger is not anger itself, but anger that remains unresolved leading to bitterness and unforgiveness.

If we are very hurt and angry, our anger can overcome us. Bitterness can take on a power all of its own and leads to hate. This is quite the opposite from the love that we Christians have always seek to recognize within us. We can only give out the stirring love that God provides in our lives.

In Mark 11:25, we read of the importance of forgiveness. Forgiveness is described as being necessarily present before we can know the forgiveness of God for our sins. To forgive is an act of obedience. God requires this of us and surely for a good reason. As God through Christ has forgiven us of so much sin, we need to respect this gift of forgiveness by extending a forgiving attitude towards those that have wronged us. The consequence of us not forgiving others would be an inability for us to know the forgiveness that God has offered us. If we are not merciful as he has been merciful to us, where really is our repentance? How can we claim to have known his grace?

Anger can cause a rift between us and God, and also disfunctionality within us. If we want to be free of the pain and the affects of pain that our hurt emanates from within ourselves, we need to know healing. Without forgiveness, we are not co-operating with God’s will, and therefore are not in a place of grace in order to receive healing for the hurt that we have experienced. Forgiveness is an essential element to the process of inner healing.

Deep bitterness can give rise to many emotional and psychological problems such as depression and paranoia. Matthew 5: 21-26 covers anger, forgiveness and reconciliation. As Jesus clearly teaches, we should always try to make amends with people that we have fallen out of friendship with. It may not always be the case that others are prepared to forgive us when we have wronged them or vice versa, but the act of animating our remorse to them is essential. Through this act we are communicating our own desire for peace with the other person as well as God’s requirement towards everyone of love and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not easy. Depending on the degree of hurt or betrayal that is involved, it will often take time and effort. However, when a hurt person actually comes to the place where personal happiness, emotional freedom and relationship with God depends on that forgiveness, then the grace of God is needed to see them through in order to effectively control the anger and inviting God to deal with it.

In a nut shell, irrespective of race or religion, we can choose forgiveness, get rid of those painful feelings, arrive at peace and hope, and in the process also take this message all around to other people.

Not for sale

"Not for Sale" is written by David Batstone about human trafficking and global slave trade that generates US$31 billion annually and enslaves 27 million people around the globe, half of them children. The book highlights the picture and impact of modern slavery of the most vulnerable across the world.

Children, women and men of all ages are forced to toil in the rug loom sheds of Nepal and Pakistan, child soldiers fight wars in Africa, child sexual exploitation are blooming in Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, India, Peru and many other countries, labourers are coerced to work without pay in Bolivia, India, Pakistan etc, child labour is a common sight in Indonesia, Brazil, Kenya etc, and sex syndicates are not to be undermined in many parts of Europe.

No nation wants to be known as a haven for slavery and trafficking but nonetheless over 150 countries around the world are documented as a source for the slave trade. A thriving black market in human beings has emerged in our modern world. It is a criminal enterprise involving scoundrels and international syndicates. Corruption among law enforcers and government officials play a key role in its success. The process of enslavement involves traffickers targeting children from communities lacking in social power and at times with the consent of the victims' parents, the extraction by traffickers by removing victims from their home communities to destination where they are unlikely to get support from law enforcement bodies or general citizenry, slaveholders seeking control over every aspect of the victim's life so that escape becomes unthinkable, the use of violence as a mean to reinforce control and ensure compliance and lastly physical and emotion exploitation of the victims.

We may passed by a construction site but never think twice whether the workers are in enslavement, toiling long hours with little or no pay. Children in sex slavery are openly offered as human services in broad daylight, at times in public view and most of us just stand by doing nothing, except to feel sympathy for them. Slavery is in reality, it is not invisible. They are in public view but how many of us will raise an alarm or an eyebrow?

Slaves in Pakistan may have made the shoes you are wearing, the carpet you on standing on. Slaves in the Caribbean may have put the sugar on your table and toys in the hands of your children. In India, they may have sewn the shirt on your back and polished the ring on your finger. The rice we eat may well be harvested by young children in Thailand.

Widespread poverty and social inequality ensure a pool of slaves as deep as the ocean. Parents in desperate straits may sell their children, young women in vulnerable communities are likely to take a risk on a job offer in an another country. The poor are apt to accept a loan that later manipulate and rob their freedom. Slavery flourishes in the world because it is tolerated by law enforcement.

I believe conviction of criminals is one of the most effective tools to deter trafficking and abusing people. If only the laws are enforced, the slave trade will end tomorrow. But unfortunately, slave owners, pimps and traffickers know they can rely on a broken public justice system to escape prosecution. The legalisation of the sex trade in many countries make the prosecution of traffickers, pimps and brothel owners almost impossible.

The book of Ecclesiastes expressed the desperation of the powerless. "I saw all the oppressions that are practiced under the sun. Look, the tears of the oppressed with no one to comfort them. On the side of their oppressors there was power". (Eccles 4:1)

I applause the courage and commitments of many abolitionists who are making a difference despite incredible odds. I hope and pray that the day may come when these movements will wipe away the tears of the oppressed and deliver justice to the oppressors.

What is more important?

It was like in the TV show Lonely Planet – The Road Less Travelled, on the day I went from Phnom Penh to Kampong Cham. The taxi was such an old “bomb”, I would never have imagined myself sitting in it. There was hardly any space in the front for me to stretch my legs. Two long horizon cracks across the windscreen and two spider web cracks on the driver and passenger side were constantly attracting my attention. I wondered if the heavy rain would shatter it and what would happen to me if the glass goes flying everywhere! The journey was long and bumpy and I dozed off and on during the 3 hours journey. As we drove passed the village, I saw naked children playing in the rain. They looked happy and I wondered if they knew what the outside world is.

Kampong Cham is a very poor village. I am very inspired by the NGOs who are there to help the poor and needy. The Marist runs a school consisting of two bamboo walls and flooring the size of a quarter basketball court. The white board is A4 size. Public school is free but to learn English, they have to pay US25 cents and not many parents can afford to send them. Even if education is free, it is not the priority; the children are required to help out in the padi field so that there are bread and butter on the table for the day.

We are aware that education is the way out of poverty and the key to success. Without an education you have nothing in this world but when survival surpasses it, what can one do except to let the opportunity goes. Even if all the NGOs in the world are willing to teach for free, who is going to harvest the crop? Who is going to put the next meal on the table?

I could only agreed with what Scott Peck had said… “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

The unread letter

Over the weekend in Phnom Penh, I received a letter from the mother of one of the Marist postulant. It was written in Khmer. I would have gotten it translated but I chose not to. I want the letter to be a reminder for me to remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and that when times are bad and nearly impossible to keep our hope alive, one small random act of kindness can restore faith in God and mankind. I do not want to know the content to magnify what I have done.

I have done nothing significant for Sytha’s family. I only gave them some money to tie over the drought in their village last year. It did not burn a hole in my pocket or cause a dent in my wallet… just a small gesture to give them hope during their worst moments. But the money not only bring them relief, it also improved their living conditions. They repaired their roof and kitchen and also built an extension and created a bigger place to store the rice crop. Never did I expect that little kindness can do so much for the family. But her letter makes me feel even more blessed for it reinforces what I believe in… to give without expectation. I want to see the letter as a beautiful form of eschatology wherein we do not know each other and yet our lives have been touched by one another.

Her show of gratitude outweighs what I have done for them. Her letter is a reminder of bringing hope and changing lives that all of us are able to do if only we want to. The prevailing way to receive is to give from our heart. Give everything we can give. If we have money, give money. If not, give a hand to someone in need, give a smile, give some time to a community project, give a good example, give gratitude, give the best of ourselves in everything we do.Give of what we have without expecting to receive anything in return. Do what we can do to make life a little more joyful. There are many things we receive daily that were given by others out of the kindness of their hearts. We are all guilty of not noticing these free gifts that are a blessing in our daily lives.Sit for a moment and think of what we can do to touch the lives of other. One simple act of kindness will not deplete us in massive ways but it will display the love, joy, kindness and compassion that live within us.

I will treasure her letter for it shows that God never forsakes us, He provides, He cares and most importantly we are all instrument of His love, mercy and compassion.

Finding inner peace

Inner peace is the most valuable thing that we can cultivate. Nobody can give us inner peace, as it is our own thoughts that can rob us of it.. To experience inner peace we don’t have to retreat to a cave; we can experience inner peace exactly where we are. If we really value inner peace, we will work hard to make it a reality.

We have to choose carefully how and where we spend our time. Take the opportunity to be still or at least do something positive as the mind feels insecure unless it has something to occupy it. When we really can attain a clear mind, we discover it creates a genuine sense of happiness and inner peace. It is our thoughts that determine our state of mind. If we constantly cherish negative and destructive thoughts, inner peace will always remain a far cry. At all costs, we need to avoid pursuing trains of negative thoughts and this of course requires practice. It is not possible to attain mastery of our thoughts over night. But, at the same time we always have to remember that we are able to decide which thoughts to follow and which to reject. Never feel you are a helpless victim to your thoughts.

Modern life, places great demands on our time. We can feel that we never have enough time to fulfill all our tasks. However, we should seek to minimize these outer demands and take time to simplify life. There are many things that we can do without, quite often we add unnecessary responsibilities to our schedule. Do the most significant tasks, one at a time, and enjoy doing them. To experience inner peace, it is vital to avoid cluttering our life with unnecessary activities and worries. If we are dependant on the flattery and praises, we can never have inner peace. Criticism and flattery are two sides of the same coin. They are both the judgements of others. However, we should not allow ourselves to be affected by either. If we do, we are only feeding our ego. We should learn to have confidence in ourselves. We should value our real self and have belief in the good qualities that are part of everyone.

Inner peace does not mean that we have to live a life of a hermit. Inner peace can be felt amidst dynamic activity. But, this action should be done with selfless motives. When we serve others we forget our sense of self, and it is when we forget our limited self that we can have inner peace. If we want inner peace, we should feel that our inner peace depends on the well being of others. If we are indifferent to the feelings of others, then it is impossible to have inner peace for ourselves. What goes round comes back around, thus it is important to we offer a peaceful attitude to others.

Lastly, if you have inner peace, nobody can force you to be a slave to the outer reality

Friends are forever

You know some people who have "never met a stranger" and these are people who make friends wherever they go. I reckon I am one of those people who can talk to people easily and I am approachable when I choose to be. Making real friends? Those youthful days of meeting someone and being BFFs within hours are behind me. These days I am slow and guarded to discern between friends and acquaintances.

Making new friends is not easy at mid life. New friends are unlikely to come knocking at your door; you must get out and interact with people but you may even feel sluggish going out for a meal, drink or party, not to mention meeting strangers. However, I am fortunate to be able to make new friends who are witty and nice and able to give me the emotional support that I sometimes need.

Like first dates, the early stages of new friendship can be awkward and uncomfortable. This is not a reflection on you, the other person or the potential for friendship. It is just the way it is. One way to mitigate this is to do things together other than just meeting for a meal. Go to a movie, an art festival, just anything except just sitting and gazing into each others' eyes. Talk about society and we won't be tempted to over share personal stuff and perhaps overwhelm the other person. Relationship takes time to cultivate and it may takes years... but with a different degrees of intimacy and trust, real friendship can take place within a short frame of time.

Some of my most gratifying new friendships are people I knew long ago but with whom I lost touch. Thanks to Facebook that connect me with some long lost friends. Our shared memories are very fulfilling. In some cases, these were not actually friends in the past, but they are friends of a life time. These are not just about friendship but relationship as well.

Real friends are difficult to come by. If you meet someone with friend potential, make an effort to spend time with that person. Friendship is collective. If the friendship is meant to be, that gratifying connection will happen eventually. Some friendships just don't click. That is not a reflection on anyone. We need the connection to make it work. Nobody is a failure when friendships fail to take. Cut your losses, skip the self-flagellation, and move on to the next interesting person.

Friends are friends forever, acquaintances are not.

Beauty versus Brain

All in the name of beauty. But, what is beauty? What defines it? Is there a universal beauty? Can it be obtained? Beauty is famously in the eye of the beholder; but it’s also in the beholder’s brain, and may work differently in the brains of men and women. Who gets the most out of life: fame, fortune, and genuine relationships: those who are physically attractive or those who are less attractive but wise? Dr. Nancy Etcoff, a brain researcher and cognitive psychologist says, "Beauty is an asset in the struggle for survival and good looks are a great advantage in many areas of life."

According to BBC, our perception of beauty begins in the womb. Studies show that babies have a tendency to look the longest at faces with smooth skin, round eyes, plump lips, and symmetry. In fact, BBC reports that our DNA is written to produce symmetry, yet factors such as environment produces asymmetry. Universally, these characteristics represent youth and fertility. Our faces are "advertising hoarding which provides a potential mate with information about health, fertility and appropriateness as a partner". Men look for young and healthy faces, translating to mates that are youthful with big eyes and plump lips. Whereas, females look for mates with the most testosterone, indicating fertility and strength. Bony protrusions such as the nose, cheek bones, brows and jaw indicate a potential for healthier children.

Ironically, for a man, the more physically unconventional looking you are, the sexier your brain is perceived to be, which is great for men but not for women. It allows men to get fat, bald head as long as they pop enough ginkgo biloba not to get dementia. Women however, have to spend time plucking, picking and moisturising, otherwise she's off to the junkyard which is blow to gender equality.

So, then where does that leave us? Well, I am not really too sure, but those of you who are in search of this universal beauty, I would like to end with a reminder that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that the ones we love and admire become more beautiful with time.

Attitude of gratitude

William James, one of the founders of modern psychology, said this, "The greatest discovery of this generation is that a human being can alter their life by altering their attitude." What most people fail to realize is that our attitude not only impacts our happiness and success, it also can impact the happiness and success of all the people around us, family and friends. Attitudes are truly contagious, and from time to time we need to ask ourselves..."is mine worth catching?"

True gratefulness comes from a conscious decision to recognize our blessings together with a thankful heart. A thankful person can hold their gratitude, count and take joy in their blessings and also influence others with words and deeds by displaying their pleasure and appreciation. Life is full of opportunities for giving thanks. If you live a positive, grateful, successful life, you will attract other positive, grateful, and successful people.

Researches have shown that gratitude is beneficial to your health. In one study, a participant group recorded a diary of daily events, another group wrote down unpleasant experiences, and the third group wrote down a daily record listing things for which they were grateful. The gratitude group was more likely to help others, exercise and complete personal goals, while reporting more determination, optimism, alertness, energy, and enthusiasm. It is interesting to note that this study also found people who take time to deliberately record their gratitude were more likely to feel loved, and found more kindness reciprocated to them as they sent out an increase of kindness from their attitude. Also, grateful people were grateful regardless of whether special events happened in their day or not. In other words, they did not just have moments of gratefulness but grateful attitudes.

I want to thank God for how my life has changed, and for showing me how to live happily, successful and free. “True thanksgiving means that we need to thank God for what He has done for us, and not to tell Him what we have done for Him.”

Late bloomer

Not everyone is quick off the mark and succeed early in life. Some of us are like slow-boiling pots needing more time to gather wisdom and make sense of the world around us. A late bloomer is a person whose talents or capabilities are slower to develop and this term is used metaphorically to describe a child or adolescent who develops more slowly than others in their age group but eventually catches up and in some cases overtakes their peers in their academic achievement.

When a late bloomer finally gets it, there is a driving force because they have spent a long time digesting ideas, information and knowledge just to come up with some amazing solutions to the world's problems. Their ability are often conceptualize as static property that is hard-wired into the brain by genes that are prepackaged and ready to activate. When tapped, it bursts forth. However, this conception is far too simplistic.

Ability can take time to develop and the genes can take years to unfold. Genes are partly responsible for brain organization and the brain is not completely organized until well into adulthood. Like water to a flower, the environment plays a critical role in the activation of genes. In reality, talent emerges over the course of a lifetime of reciprocal interactions between the developing brain and a stimulating environment.

There are many theories of the way in which children develop as suggested by Erickson, Kohlberg, Piaget, Vygotsy and many others. Although they disagree about how stages of development should be defined and the primary influences on development, they agree that a child's development can be measured as a predictable series of advances in physical, intellectual and social skills which almost always occur in the same sequence, although the rate may vary from one child to another.

Late bloomers should always trust in their abilities to conquer the difficulties in ways that others can only dream of. Instant achievement is not always a fairytale come true. It may take a long time to get there but bets are, the late bloomers will know what they are doing far more than those who got there earlier. People will then have great confidence in the late bloomers’ experiences and knowledge for they have thought so deeply about everything and reached their own conclusions rather than parroting someone else's.

I am very proud my son is a late bloomer. Better be late than never.

Can we save the world?

The world’s population is rapidly increasing at the rate of about 80,000,000 per year and the current world population stands at 6.8 billion. In the developing world, more than 1.2 billion people currently live below the international poverty line, earning less than US$1 per day. The United Nations Development Program estimates that the basic health and nutrition needs of the world’s poorest people could be met for an additional $13 billion a year. Yet money spent on the Iraq and Afghanistan wars alone is over $970 billion!

More than an acre-and-a-half of rainforest is lost every second daily and at this rate of destruction, half our remaining rainforests will be gone by the year 2025, and by 2060 there will be no rainforests remaining. We are losing 137 plants, animal and insect species every single day due to deforestation. That equates to 50,000 species a year. Arctic ice is rapidly disappearing, and the region may have its first completely ice-free summer by 2040 or earlier. Polar bears and indigenous cultures are already suffering from sea-ice loss.

Looking at the world today, are we going to make it at all? We, human beings are destroying the very planet it lives on. Look at the world in its ravaged form… global warming, holes in the ozone layer, destruction of forests, industrial pollution, slavery, human trafficking, chemical poisoning… and the poor getting poorer despite intervention from NGOs.

Can you imagine this planet 50 years into the future from now if the human race was wiped out today? For one there will be no pollution, no greenhouse effect, no bulldozers and no nuclear bomb testing, no rapid destruction of rainforests, no billions of animals being killed every single day for food and fun. How will earth look like 50 years from now if all humans ceased to exist today? Now imagine how the planet will look like 50 years from now as we continue ravaging our mother earth, violating it and killing everything that comes on our way. Can you imagine? Can you see the difference? Are we going to survive at all?

Effective empowerment is vital

Empowerment is an extremely effective tool and vital element for developing people and the organization. It is to recognize that nobody knows a job better than the person doing it and that most people want to be involved and take pride in their work.

Empowering people encourages them to be more involved in their decisions and activities that affect their jobs. It gives them the opportunity to unleash their creativity and empower them to put their talents into practice.

The concept of empowerment involves employees playing a more active role in their work and taking responsibility for improvement. It is necessary to transform the way people work in any organization as external environment changes, and hence more intense competition abounds to a greater or lesser extent are being influenced and affected by competitive environment.

Make a conscientious effort to listen to what other people are saying. Empowered people are aware of the significance of listening and questioning. If you make a point to ask what people think and actively listen to what they say, you will help them to feel that they can contribute something of value to their work. Lead by example to prove yourself to be reliable. If you want them to be open, you will have to be honest and sincere with yourself first.