Missing my grandma

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. It seems like only yesteryear when my grandma passed away. She suffered an infarct, then deteriorated and lost her mind. I saw her suffering and much as I loved for her to be around, I preferred to let her go. I did not grieve then, I saw it as a relief for her pain.

Now more than a decade later, I still miss her very much. I miss her more than anything in this world. There were nights when tears rolled down my cheek and I called out softly to her. She was a very special lady. She was my pillar of strength. She was my sunshine and beacon of light. She had a heart full of love... gentle wisdom in her advice she would give, guiding me in the way I should live. She gave me so much love, so openly, so freely and so overwhelmingly.

People said time will ease the pain. I hope so too but it goes so slowly. Who could ever imagine my life has change so much since she left. Many painful things have happened to me and if only grandma is still around, she will definitely make it better for me. There is such an emptiness that I never knew before and a loneliness that does not go away. Now I grieve for my grandma like never before. Who would know I still miss her so so much. Her memory will embrace my heart and keep me company till we meet again one day. I love my grandma.

Why do people fall in love?

Love is an intense, universal and intriguing emotion that knows no barriers of race, age and culture. It is an expression of profound affection, caring and attachment. Eulogized as life's driving force and cliched as "making the world go round" or "doing strange things to people". It is famously known to blind those it envelops!

When two people fall madly in love, the brain’s pleasure centres are activated causing the release of few chemicals such as dopamine, pheromones and serotonin. These chemicals are directly responsible for excitement, mood swings and generally lost in their own world. Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. It is the most exhilarating of all human emotions and probably nature’s beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproducing.

The dynamics of being in love is our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and effectiveness. One of the ways that we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion.

Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. Only about 40% of people report falling in love quickly or love at first sight. Researches have shown that kindness and intelligence are extremely important in the process of falling in love. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

Love is not beyond the realm of science and the human brain, falling in love is just a matter of chemistry.

Binding love

Many people are seeking help finding for love. Often they have a track record of failed relationships and bad choices that seems inexplicable.

Although whom we fall in love with and why are unfathomable, all too often a pattern emerges. For when we searching for that special something in someone else, we are often looking for something very different: a missing part of ourselves. Of course, finding the missing capacities in someone else can be massively relieving and allow you to glow in pseudo-spiritual state of being madly in love. As time goes by, reality begins to set in. the rest of your beloved’s personality comes to the fore and you find that maybe they are not such a match for your missing bit after all. When the passion dies away, you are left with what you started, still missing that essential element of yourself than should be part of you, not projected out onto someone else.

Many times, part of the mystery of love is that we do find a part of ourselves in the ones we love. However, if we depend on someone else to feel whole and without them, something vital is missing from our very being, then we are indulging in a thrilling, romantic and all consuming fantasy that will remain incomplete. What more, it is always in a grave danger of being shattered.

Faith, hope and love

FAITH is believing in your heart that good can overcome evil, that the sun can shine in a rainstorm and there is rainbow after the rain. Faith is believing in something you can't see or hear, something deep inside that is difficult to fathom. Faith is trusting in God and yourself enough to know that no matter how things turn out, you will make the best of them. Through faith, we grasp God; promises. Faith allows you to know in your heart before you see with your eyes. "For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

HOPE is not closing your eyes to the difficulties, sufferings or failures in life. It is trusting in a future that is filled with God's promises. To look forward to with confidence that God knows what is best for you. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

LOVE is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Faith, hope and love, the greatest of these is love. "Greater love than no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Love & Eschatology

Mitch Albom, author of the Five People You Meet in Heaven wrote about Eschatology in such simple yet profound manner. What would heaven be like if it is a place where some of the people we impact on earth explain our life when we meet them in heaven? Is it likely that we will be proud of what we have accomplished in life or regret for the many things that we have done that have a domino heartbreaking effect on others whom we do not know?

Albom’s book gives an insight to how we may unintentionally affect others’ lives during our lifetime and those encounters will also include accountability for the life we live on earth. We won’t know who will be the first five people we meet in Heaven. Hence, it is imperative that our existence touches lives… love we freely impart, gratitude we always remember and understanding we cheerfully tender. We must always remember that the measure of our love is what we are willing to give it up for… the willingness to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect others than the needs of self. If we cannot sacrifice simple pleasure, don’t EVER or EVEN talk about LOVE for we have fail miserably as Christian for St John said “Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”. John 15:13

Love is so painful

It is easy to talk about love and mostly it is beyond what we expect or desire. Love is awesome yet awful since God's love transcends the human definition of love to a point that is metaphorically hard for us to comprehend. Theologically, there is no need for Jesus to be crucified for our salvation and redemption of our sins. The primary symbol of God’s love is the crucifixion that provides a prominent and visual statement about love. 

Agape love entails lots of pain and suffering. I have encountered many form of love in life - people love me for my generosity, love me for my company etc etc but they are only superficial love. I realised that one never really love another unless their love brings pain and suffering. Jesus died on the cross to show us what unfailing love is all about, not because He has to in order that we may have salvation. His crucifixion is a sign of loving unconditionally and He suffered intense pain to carry that agape love to Calvary. Love goes beyond oneself. It’s the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Today, I finally know why there is no end to my suffering…that’s because I have not reached Calvary yet.

A fool for God

Love is a great thing… it carries every burden unencumbered. It spurs us on to do great things without expecting any momentary gain. Nothing is sweeter than love, nothing stronger, nothing more sublime, nothing more expansive, nothing more joyful, nothing more abundant. Yet, because of love, I suffered and get hurt. While I am not looking for gratitude or earthly rewards, I can’t help feeling the pain when others bite the very hand that feeds them.

How enormous is human frailty in doing things that should not and how can one not embrace love and gratitude in a reciprocal manner? Many said I never learnt my lesson … once bitten twice shy, twice bitten never try. Oh well, but I rather be a fool for God than an advocate for the devil. Can love really change the world? Can love really change everything? Can you feel the love? I hope so.