How to heal a broken heart

A broken heart can cause such an intense reaction that you may feel your life has been completely stripped of meaning. Work, hobbies, and friends may no longer hold any joy. In fact, some of us even experience physical pain with a tight chest, headache or insomnia. “Time heals all wounds” is something we have all heard over the years, but do you really have to wait for time to heal these wounds? A broken heart hurts! Can time really heal a broken heart? Only time can tell and I shall continue waiting…

Irrational thinking that leads to learned helplessness

· There is no way I will ever be able to get myself out of this mess.

· Don't pressure me to change. I become immobilized under pressure.

· I don't know how to do what I need to do for myself because I was never taught this.

· If people hadn't abandoned me, then I would have been able to solve these problems.

· People are basically selfish and they don't care about you.

· The only time people give me attention is when I'm not capable of helping myself.

· No matter what I do, I'll be abandoned anyway so why should I change?

· I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, so why should I try?

· If they really loved and cared about me, they would do it for me.

· I've never been able to do it before so what makes them think I can do it now?

· I'm a weak, frail, human person and people can't expect me to get strong overnight.

In order to reduce your sense of helplessness, one must identify those problems, obstacles, fears, or issues over which you feel helpless and identify what beliefs keep you locked into being helpless for each one. It is necessary to develop a new belief system that encourages you to recognize that being independent, competent, self-confident, and capable of helping, "fixing,'' and changing yourself is healthy, desirable, and necessary for you. Stop hiding behind all your old excuses, beliefs, and cliches about why you can't possibly help yourself. Lastly, embrace the "new you'' who is more self-competent, self-confident, and self-enhancing and recognize all of the healthy, normal, natural, beneficial consequences of living your life.
 

Gratitude

Gratitude means thankfulness, giving thanks to God, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you have been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. Giving thanks makes people happier and more resilient, it strengthens relationships, it improves health, and it reduces stress. "if the only prayer you say in your life is "thank you", that would suffice - Meister Eckhart

Nature or Nurture

One of the most intriguing debates of the twentieth century is that of the origin of behaviourial psychology . The issue that has its roots in biology and psychology is popularly framed as the "nature versus nurture" Consensus on the topic has differs from one to the other as the supposed cause of our actions. These changes are due to the internal dynamic and external influences in the development of a human being. Nature Theory think that people behave as they do because of their genetic disposition.

Physical qualities like eye, hair, or skin color, body structure, diseases and characteristics like interest, personality, temperament and sexual habits are also encoded in the genes. Human behavior is less controlled by the environment of free will then by the genes that they carry. Whatever incidents occur and traits that are practiced generation after generation get imprinted on the genes and are passed on to some extent to the next generation. The Nurture Theory agreed that genetic tendencies do exist, but they ultimately do not matter because the environmental factors and their upbringing conclude people’s behaviour. A gene may increase the inclination towards a particular behaviour but it does not make people do things unless a stimulus environment is provided. People are most likely to behave according to their upbringing and environmental influence.

Issues like criminal behavior, infidelity, sexual preferences have been ascribed by Nature theorists to genetic traits. However, Bandura’s social learning theory has shown that people learn through observing others’ behavior, attitudes, and outcomes of those behaviors. “Most human behavior is learned observationally through modeling: from observing others, one forms an idea of how new behaviors are performed, and on later occasions this coded information serves as a guide for action.” Social learning theory explains the interaction between cognitive, behavioral, and environmental influences. Historical developments have a significant impact on the way the nature-nurture debate developed.

Darwinism is based on genetic determinism and natural selection. Extending Darwin's theory of evolution, the debate swung in favor of "nurture", with American psychologists taking up a rhetoric of environmental influences on behavior, emphasizing the learning process. In turn, the European school of ethology arose in opposition to the environmentalists, focusing on innate behavior or genetic origins. Hence, how far are human behaviors, ideas, and feelings innate and how far are they all learned?

What is the basis of our security?

What is the basis of our security? When we start thinking about that question, we may give many answers: success, money, friends, property, popularity, family, connections, insurance, and so on. We may not always think that any of these forms the basis of our security, but our actions or feelings may tell us otherwise. When we start losing our money, our friends, or our popularity, our anxiety often reveals how deeply our sense of security is rooted in these things.

A spiritual life is a life in which our security is based not in any created things, good as they may be, but in God, who is everlasting love. We probably will never be completely free from our attachment to the temporal world, but if we want to live in that world in a truly free way, we'd better not belong to it. "You cannot be the slave both of God and of money" (Luke 16:13).

Anonymity may be the best

Some say that anonymity is the last refuge for cowards. People hiding behind the screen of anonymity or a false identity feel the freedom to launch angry, hurtful tirades. Anonymity allows them to be unkind without having to take responsibility for their words.


According to Ephensians, our words should edify and impart grace. If we are unwilling to use our name, there is reason to believe that my motive is to hurt not to help. Whenever we are tempted to say something in secret perhaps to a family member, friend etc, consider why we don't want our name to be identified with our words. After all, if we don't want to be identified with our words, God probablydoesn;t either. He is gracious and slow to anger and we should be the same.


But of course, it is easier said than done. However, if we are constantly reminded of the unkind actions of people around us and yet we do not wish to hurt others for an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, the only resort we have is quietly correct the wrong doings behind the mask of anonymity. That would have saved many more heartaches. Nonetheless, the best blessing is to have the grace and courage to speak the truth. In reality, speaking the truth tends to hurt people as well. What an ambigious world!

Store up your treasure in Heaven

"We are given in order to share. “Caring for the poor is lending to the Lord, and you will be well repaid.” (Proverbs 19:17) In some mysterious way, the Lord is identifying Himself with the poor. To open one’s eyes and see the Face of the Lord in the disabled, the sick and the less fortunate is the perfection of man on this earth. Jesus makes it the scale for the Final Judgment. The great separation on the Final Day takes place between those who recognized God in the poor and those others who were blind to this truth."

"What we share with the other is not for us to imagine that the other is indebted to us. We cannot have strings attached to our contributions. Our reward is solely from the Lord for dispensing what He handed to us according to His Will. “Lend without expecting to be paid back. Then you will get a great reward, and you will be the true children of God in heaven.” (Luke 6:35-37)"

"When wealth becomes our god, we can turn into inhuman oppressors - blind to the evil we pursue to achieve our materialistic goals."

"Wealth is indeed a blessing of God… What is important is to realize that wealth should not cut us away from God. Rather it must become a ladder to reach God and reflect His Glory. And in this sharing of the wealth with the less fortunate to build the kingdom of God, man becomes perfect and his wealth becomes a blessing." "Jesus said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and everything shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) When accepted from the Hands of God and shared with the fellowmen around, wealth becomes a blessing and life becomes a delight!"

My good friend Luke

My good friend Luke left for further studies last month. However, he never fail to keep in touch. He is a reliable, dependable and trustworthy friend. In bad times or good times, I can always ask for help and count on him. He would help me from the bottom of his heart and with no strings attached. He makes me laugh when I am sad, he makes me happier when I am glad.

It is a mutual, reciprocal relationship between me and many of my good friends but especially so with Luke. I hope it is a friendship that lasts for a lifetime. We can all make friends easily but it is hard to find a truly good friend. Thank you Luke for your friendship, love, care and concern.

The silent generation

Mark McCrindle observes that every generation is distinct in characteristics. The Millienium or Generation Z is defined by three factors: age and life state (ontological factors), times and technology (sociological factors) and events and experiences (historical factors).

Several common traits of Generation Z include:

• Those born between 1992 and 2011


• Two income earning parents and smaller families


• Growing up in a world that is all about connecting through technology


• Friendship are quantifiable by Facebook and they search for answers through Google


• Smarter, tech savier and great multi-taskers


• More self directed and indiviualistic


• Demand that they are taken seriously

This is the generation that is over-stimulated, over-exposed and over-informed by technology. If Gen Z wants to know anything about spirituality, they can do so with a click. Gen Z is also called the new silent generation. Most of their conversations take place through Smses and social network portals. We do not hear their voice yet they are texting to be heard. We can heard their uncensored views an raw emotions on Facebook, Twitter and personal blogs. They can endorse opinions with a simple "Like" button on Facebook and bring either scrutiny or praise at incredible speed.

Gen Z can have 500-2000 friends on Facebook but severely lack the interpersonal skills necessary for close friendships. They are highly individualistic, self-directe and opinionated. Interestly, Gen Z are parented by Gen X who load them with many ex-cirriculums and the introduction of gadgets at a young age conditioned them to be great mutli-taskers capable of coping with a high volume of tasks. Gen Z are revoluntionaries who dream about doing somehing to change their world. However, they do not necessarily know what something is or where to start.

It is not easy to understand this generation and it is very challenging to build bridges to connect with them in the real world.

Missing my grandma

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. It seems like only yesteryear when my grandma passed away. She suffered an infarct, then deteriorated and lost her mind. I saw her suffering and much as I loved for her to be around, I preferred to let her go. I did not grieve then, I saw it as a relief for her pain.

Now more than a decade later, I still miss her very much. I miss her more than anything in this world. There were nights when tears rolled down my cheek and I called out softly to her. She was a very special lady. She was my pillar of strength. She was my sunshine and beacon of light. She had a heart full of love... gentle wisdom in her advice she would give, guiding me in the way I should live. She gave me so much love, so openly, so freely and so overwhelmingly.

People said time will ease the pain. I hope so too but it goes so slowly. Who could ever imagine my life has change so much since she left. Many painful things have happened to me and if only grandma is still around, she will definitely make it better for me. There is such an emptiness that I never knew before and a loneliness that does not go away. Now I grieve for my grandma like never before. Who would know I still miss her so so much. Her memory will embrace my heart and keep me company till we meet again one day. I love my grandma.

Serial killers - psychosis that lurk beneath the surface of modern society

What drives a man to kill a person and another and then another until he can no longer stop? It is not easy to understand serial killer as in any other addictive compulsion. Irrational behaviour cannot be defined by rational thought. In order to gain a more thorough understanding of serial murder, cross disciplinary approaches are necessary. In this age of advanced specialisation, new depths of understanding into the disciplines of science, sociology and psychology is a must. There is no single causative factor to which the crime of serial murder can be attributed. Each has its own distinct signature and ritual. Serial killers are inherent sadists who are fascinated with violence and pain.

There are five theories of serial murder, mainly the offence cycle, fantasy addiction model, medical model, narcissistic personality theory and evolutionary model. A common feature of each theory is the indication of low self esteem. The expression of low self esteem can be either overt or covert. It depends on the killer's psychological disposition in upbringing and individual experience. Very often, an investigation into the childhood of practically every serial killer reveals an appalling history of abuse and neglect. As their ill-fated attempts in society fail, they take excessive measures to meet their aims and their warped sense of security becomes a form of addiction. This provides them with a transitory sense of security and complete control over the victim. The covert manifestation of low self esteem are far more difficult to identify as the killers appear overly confident. However, this facade is in response to deep seated feelings of rejection and inadequacy. Rather than acknowledge their poor ego strength, they develop the belief that they are superior to other human beings and feel that the world owes them something.

The offence cycle theory defines a predictable sequence that repeats itself in the thoughts and actions of a serial killer. Murder becomes an addiction and is consider to be the only means of survival. The addiction builds cumulatively and like other debilitating and life threatening disease, is progressive. The serial killer commits his crimes for purely psychological gain and there is always some sexual component to these crimes. Hypersexuality is a mood altering experience in the same way heroin or cocaine addiction is mood altering. The sexual behaviour is a psychotropic agent and is utilised as a coping mechanism.

The fantasy addiction model gives rise to deviant fantasies that drive the act of murder. They fantasies about causing injury and torturing their victims. They feel no guilt but possess strong feelings of severe insecurity and general anger towards all others. They kill for the thrill of it and have no interest in having a dead body in their hands other than to fantasise about power and control over it. Fantasy also blurs the distinction between what is real and what is not. The fantasy itself is the primary cause of the feelings of isolation the serial killer experiences. This isolation leads to self hatred and anger against the world. This in turn serves to provoke violent acts which lead to greater isolation and therefore, greater reliance on fantasy. It is a vicious, self destructive, self perpetuating cycle which thrusts the serial killer further and further outside the realm of what society deems to be normal.

A highly organised killer appear to have no problem with self esteem. Rather than alerting suspicions, he comes across as a trusted person. These killers are so self confident that they exhibit features of narcissistic personality disorder. The diagnosis of a personality disorder can progress to such careless extreme that the person completely isolates himself from meaningful contact with others and evolved to a dangerous level of antisocial behaviour. Beyond the typical manifestations of antisocial behaviour, the serial killer is driven by an excessive need for attention. Id a serial killer is narcissistic by nature,he may believe in a "manifest destiny" to kill. Because he regards himself as being above all, he has the right to decide who may live and who should die. In short, he enjoys playing God.

The medical model is a significant and viable platform from which to approach the study of serial murder as it links the types of violence exhibited to various patterns of abuse. Traditionally, the serial killer is regarded as being either sociopathic or psychotic. During the commission of their crimes, serial killers sever themselves from whatever sense of reality they are clinging to. They are unable to make the distinction between right and wrong because for them there is no such thing as right and wrong. Their only concern is what is going to satisfy their need to kill. Root causes include genetic defects, brain damage and chemical imbalances. The psychophysiological mechanisms that prevent most people from acting on impulses without forethought are absent within the serial killer.

The evolutionary model is used to identify killer who is both self sufficient and self seeking that the need of a social environment no longer exits. Victims are not considered to be people but object. He kills in order to see the end product of his work and collect the trophies of his labour, thus often keeps parts of victim's bodies for masturbatory purposes and the need for recognition, the desire to create a legacy of fear and most significantly, the overwhelming compulsion for committing crimes that not only defy all of conventional human logic but also shock and intrigue.

The first murder committed by a serial killer is an experience of euphoric physical and psychological arousal. Murder is a psychological high. The extreme of cruelty which the killer imposes upon his victim excites him to a state of sexual arousal. Necrophilia can best be described as sexual arousal stimulated by a dead body. The stimulation can be either in the form

of fantasies or actual physical sexual contact with the corpse.

Forensic science has provided some of the best tools for identifying and convicting serial killers but it cannot predict the determining causes of serial murder. Are serial killers themselves the victims of society? How can one measure true prevention, the type that precedes the commission of the crime? The motivations that drives a person to commit murder are cultivated in the darkest places of the mind but they do not grow without prolonged exposure to abuse and abandonment. Rejection, in its various form has turned people against one another.This circumstance is the darkest truth of all.

What are you giving up for Lent?

Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Season of Lent. It is a season of penance, reflection, and fasting that prepares us for Christ's Resurrection on Easter Sunday. By observing the forty days of Lent, we imitate Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for forty days. The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity.

The three traditional pillars of Lenten observance are prayer, fasting and almsgiving. Lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance, a season for reflection and awareness. The focus of Lent is also a time to prepare new converts for baptism through intensive classes and instruction. It is a time for long-standing Christians to review their lives and renew their commitment to their beliefs. More importantly, Lent is a time for serious, disciplined self-examination.

Some self examination questions upon which Christians might pray and meditate during Lent include:

(1) Am I sharing what I have with others?
(2) AM I gracious and patient with others, especially those who irritate you?
(3) Am I listening more to God and complaining less?
(4) AM I gossiping about others?
(4) Did I give to the poor and needy?
(5) Did I forgive those who have hurt me?
(6) Did I speak up for the maligned and oppressed?

The list can go on and on….

As for me I am giving up, giving in and giving out in my own ways. Smoking, I do not ; so I can’t give up smoking. Watching TV and surfing the net, I am not addicted, so I can’t that give up too. Cookies, ice-cream, chocolate etc I do not indulge, again I can’t give up. But I can give up being jealous or feeling depressed, I can give up a meal or two for the one child who die from starvation every six seconds, I can give up retail therapy. I can give in to a more prayerful life, I can sit silently with the Lord, I can read the Words of God everyday. I can give out to the poor and needy, I can continue to be a useful volunteer, I can give both money and kinds to a good cause.

Lent is really a preparation to celebrate God’s marvelous redemption at Easter, and the resurrected life that we live and hope for. It is essential to remember that nothing we do through self-denial or good works can ever repay the Lord for what He has accomplished for us. Lent is not about our giving up something just to please God; it is about what Jesus gave up to pay the penalty for the sins of the world… His dying on the cross.

The Good Samaritan

In the parable of the Good Samaritan, a Rabbi and a Levite ignore an injured man and passed by, with a Samaritan being the only one to stop and help. In today's modern world, this parable is becoming increasingly relevant. There are many examples of victims of crime being ignored and left helpless. The Good Samaritan is used to describe any person who goes out of his way to help another.

Luke 10:25-37
And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, "What is written in the law? How do you read?" And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." And he said to him, "You have answered right; do this, and you will live." But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was; and when he saw him, he had compassion, and went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; then he set him on his own beast and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, `Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.' Which of these three, do you think, proved neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?" He said, "The one who showed mercy on him." And Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise."

The righteousness of the law is indeed pretty clear about helping those who are in need even if that person is your enemy!

"If you come across your enemy's ox or donkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him. If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be sure you help him with it." (Exodus 23:4-5)

"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him." (Proverbs 24:17-18)

"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." (Proverbs 25:21-22)

If you encounter others in trouble, especially with people you want to avoid or do not like, how will you respond? Jesus contrasted the attitudes of three bystanders to the scene of a bloody victim beaten half-dead. Why did the religious leaders refuse help while an outsider, a Samaritan who was despised by the Jews, came to the rescue? Who showed true compassion and mercy? Jesus makes the supposed villain, the despised Samaritan, the merciful one as an example for the status conscious Jews. Why didn't the priest and Levite stop to help? The priest probably didn't want to risk the possibility of ritual impurity. His piety got in the way of charity. The Levite went close to the victim, but stopped short of actually helping him. Perhaps he fears that bandits might be waiting to ambush him. The Levite put personal safety ahead of saving his neighbour. The Samaritan not only stopped to help, he even went an extra mile to put him up in an inn and nurse him back to health. Are you willing and ready to do good for others, even to those you do not want to associate with? Who do you want to be, the Rabbi, the Levite or the Samaritan?

Alone and Lonely

All human beings are alone. No other person will completely feel like we do, think like we do or act like we do. Each of us is unique and our aloneness is the other side of our uniqueness. The question is whether we let our aloneness become loneliness or whether we allow it to lead us into solitude. Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect others in their uniqueness and create community.

Letting our aloneness grow into solitude and not into loneliness is a lifelong struggle. It requires conscious choices about whom to be with, what to study, how to pray, and when to ask for counsel. Being alone can have its advantages. Only wise choices will help us to find solitude where our hearts can grow in love. A creative person craves time to be alone. Professionals take sabbatical and spend time alone and return to work mentally and spiritually refreshed.

The strongest trees are those that grow alone. The greatest dreams are those conceived alone. God can speak to us only when we are alone. Our purpose and life's meaning will be revealed to us only when we are alone. Yes, solitude is not the hovel of a recluse but the mansion of a master.

I hope I will be able to live in solitude for the rest of this year.

Good works and alms giving

Being idealistic has brought me lots of headache. It makes me see more clearly than many others how almost everybody live for themselves. In the world today, nobody wants to hear about alms giving, good works, trust in God, prayers, fasting etc because all these entails sacrifices and leaving one's comfortable zone. Many question what they get in return of the "goodness" they do. They want recognition and applause. Gone are the days when the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing.

Doing good deeds require us to act to perfection our daily duties and perfection of charity toward others. Alas, it is difficult and painful for many to fulfill. If we consider the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, we know it is not said explicitly that the rich man is wicked and heartless. All we know is that he was rich and Lazarus was poor. Perhaps the rich man had a family, probably he was a good father, husband and son. Maybe he went to the synagogue every week and was an outstanding member of society. What is more, we have no reason to assume that the rich man did not help the poor. He may have donated to a charity organisation, he may have tithed. We really don't know but what we do know is that whatever else the rich man did in his life, he did not help Lazarus when he was in need and that lead to his eternal damnation. This one sin in which he rejected a single poor person cries out to Heaven. When even a single person who begs from us remain poor, the rich will hurl into hell.

Has anything change in 2000 years? Perhaps the rich man ignored Lazarus but at least he allowed him to sit and beg. In our world today, the presence of a beggar would most likely to lead us to call the police and have him taken away. If we see a fundraiser, we will probably walk the other way, reject him and even condemn him for being a nuisance. If the rich man had ignored the cry of Lazarus, we are more worst off than the rich man for we live in a society which systemically suffocates the poor's cry. When will we truly understand what Jesus really meant when he said "Blessed are you poor but woe to you who are rich". Without alms giving, how shall we ever inherit life everlasting? sigh......

The fragility of life

I have been a collaborator with the Marist Brothers in Cambodia for the last two years. I help them to raise funds for their community work and for the poor. But alas, I am no longer young and healthy and raising fund like planting rice is never fun. One of the Marist brothers has taken much effort to write a report on Pailin but somehow his report did not move many hearts. It has been three weeks since I started asking for financial assistance but only two people responded.

Some people commented “Oh, awesome work” and that’s it. I am not the least encouraged, in fact it makes me terribly sad and I want to give up “asking for the widow’s mite”. I want to shout to God to send someone else for I cannot move any hearts. Last Sunday, I watched with awe and a heavy heart the amount of money raised at the President’s Star Charity Night... a whopping S$5.7 million and here I am “begging” for USD7,100 to employ two teachers, buy 10 used computer, build a library for 100+ children in Pailin without any result. What a setback!

Just as I was about to give up, forget about what fund-raising and just mind my own business… I received a mail this morning from a Marist novice desperately asking for help for his aged parents and mentally ill brother as flood has destroyed their entire rice crop. I also read a blog written by Brian… “We were saddened recently when a young man collapsed at our centre here in Pailin, soon after he died in the local hospital. We do not know the cause of his death but it did bring home to all of us the fragility of life. I was struck by the fact that for many of our students at the centre, their life is one of poverty, one which many go about with a quiet dignity. It is the same of them in death. There was no great funeral procession for Vuthy, just a simple time of mourning in his family home a mere hour after his passing. I think that some of the local people were wondering who the white man was who was there viewing the body and saying his silent prayers for the deceased but my presence was respected and Vuthy’s short life was honoured.” People pass away every day, but unless we lose someone that we know personally, our own death may not be something that we think about frequently. So, who is Vuthy???? It’s like every now and again we need reminders of our place on earth and just how fleeting life is.

The fragility of life… is it a wake up call? Who knows what tomorrow will bring? But for today, I know God has touched my heart to do something for Sytha and the children in Pailin. Life is fragile and hence we ought to be grateful. We never know what difficulties we may encounter one day when we have to shout to the Lord to save us just as we do not know how others are suffering now and why we reject to be God’s instrument to their prayers. Perhaps one day, we may have to rely on these very people whom we refuse to help today.

We work hard to achieve success, acquire wealth, fill the aching voids in our heart, and to look good, (read carefully it’s to look good not do good) in society. Often times, we give very little thought to what is beyond this life. We are caught up in ensuring a comfortable life for ourselves here and now. Then one day when it hits us that life is fragile and fleeting, we find that all we have chased after here on earth will not save us when it comes to eternity.

The Widow's mite

Have you ever heard a sermon about the “widow’s mite” and her generosity as a giver or have you ever explored that theme in an exhortation to others about the imperative of “sacrificial” giving?

The story of the widow's gift to the Temple of her last two coins (Mk 12:41-44 & Luke 21:1-4) described a beautiful act in the desert of official devotion and almost universally is seen as some kind of observation on the measuring of gifts, or as an exhortation to “give till it hurts”, or as an example of some virtue to be acquired. Yet, apart from the text, if any one of us were actually to see in real life a poor widow giving the very last of her money to religion, would we not judge the act to be repulsive and to be based on misguided piety because she would be neglecting her own needs? Do we really think that Jesus would have reacted otherwise? Do we really think that he would have enthused over such a donation?

The range of exegetical opinion of the Widow’s mite is amazing. The point of Jesus' commendation is that the true measure of gifts is not how much is given but how much the gift represents and that the true measure of gifts is the self-denial involved and the cost of it for the giver. It is not the amount which one gives that matters but the spirit in which the gift is given specify self-offering, unquestioning surrender, total commitment, loyalty and devotion to God's call, gratitude, generosity, humility and unobtrusiveness, trust in God to provide for one's needs and lastly detachment from possessions.

The moral of the story is that alms and other pious gifts should correspond with one's means. All that Jesus says is: “She gave more . . . for they all contributed out of their abundance but she out of her want has put in everything she had, her whole living.” Presumably Jesus is implying that the widow gave more because her gift was a sacrifice. It is gratuitous to say that it is not the amount but the spirit accompanying the gift which makes the difference. When Jesus tells the story of the widow giving her only two pennies, he never actually praises her. He never actually makes a value judgement over her great sacrifice. Most Christians have always assumed that Jesus is praising this widow for her gift, and that he intends his disciples to take a lesson on Christian giving from her story. He just says, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those contributing to the treasury.” Sure, she gave out of her poverty, they out of their wealth. But Jesus never says “be like her,” he just says don’t be like the scribes. We should remember that men's offerings are not to be reckoned at their outward value but only by the motive of the heart.

Not only today do we find the widow's action painful but are we actually empowered by God to serve the needs of those who most need help? That's the challenge that the story of the widow's mite puts before us. Let us dedicate our offerings to the mission that Christ has set before us which is a people-centered mission. A mission that directs our resources, money as well as time and talents to that which matters the most…people in need!

Why do people fall in love?

Love is an intense, universal and intriguing emotion that knows no barriers of race, age and culture. It is an expression of profound affection, caring and attachment. Eulogized as life's driving force and cliched as "making the world go round" or "doing strange things to people". It is famously known to blind those it envelops!

When two people fall madly in love, the brain’s pleasure centres are activated causing the release of few chemicals such as dopamine, pheromones and serotonin. These chemicals are directly responsible for excitement, mood swings and generally lost in their own world. Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. It is the most exhilarating of all human emotions and probably nature’s beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproducing.

The dynamics of being in love is our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and effectiveness. One of the ways that we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion.

Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. Only about 40% of people report falling in love quickly or love at first sight. Researches have shown that kindness and intelligence are extremely important in the process of falling in love. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

Love is not beyond the realm of science and the human brain, falling in love is just a matter of chemistry.

The danger of anger

Anger is a normal sentiment we feel when something unjust happened and when someone has let us down or hurt us, be it deliberately or not. This anger usually comes as a reaction to injustice and sin. The problem with anger is not anger itself, but anger that remains unresolved leading to bitterness and unforgiveness.

If we are very hurt and angry, our anger can overcome us. Bitterness can take on a power all of its own and leads to hate. This is quite the opposite from the love that we Christians have always seek to recognize within us. We can only give out the stirring love that God provides in our lives.

In Mark 11:25, we read of the importance of forgiveness. Forgiveness is described as being necessarily present before we can know the forgiveness of God for our sins. To forgive is an act of obedience. God requires this of us and surely for a good reason. As God through Christ has forgiven us of so much sin, we need to respect this gift of forgiveness by extending a forgiving attitude towards those that have wronged us. The consequence of us not forgiving others would be an inability for us to know the forgiveness that God has offered us. If we are not merciful as he has been merciful to us, where really is our repentance? How can we claim to have known his grace?

Anger can cause a rift between us and God, and also disfunctionality within us. If we want to be free of the pain and the affects of pain that our hurt emanates from within ourselves, we need to know healing. Without forgiveness, we are not co-operating with God’s will, and therefore are not in a place of grace in order to receive healing for the hurt that we have experienced. Forgiveness is an essential element to the process of inner healing.

Deep bitterness can give rise to many emotional and psychological problems such as depression and paranoia. Matthew 5: 21-26 covers anger, forgiveness and reconciliation. As Jesus clearly teaches, we should always try to make amends with people that we have fallen out of friendship with. It may not always be the case that others are prepared to forgive us when we have wronged them or vice versa, but the act of animating our remorse to them is essential. Through this act we are communicating our own desire for peace with the other person as well as God’s requirement towards everyone of love and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not easy. Depending on the degree of hurt or betrayal that is involved, it will often take time and effort. However, when a hurt person actually comes to the place where personal happiness, emotional freedom and relationship with God depends on that forgiveness, then the grace of God is needed to see them through in order to effectively control the anger and inviting God to deal with it.

In a nut shell, irrespective of race or religion, we can choose forgiveness, get rid of those painful feelings, arrive at peace and hope, and in the process also take this message all around to other people.

Not for sale

"Not for Sale" is written by David Batstone about human trafficking and global slave trade that generates US$31 billion annually and enslaves 27 million people around the globe, half of them children. The book highlights the picture and impact of modern slavery of the most vulnerable across the world.

Children, women and men of all ages are forced to toil in the rug loom sheds of Nepal and Pakistan, child soldiers fight wars in Africa, child sexual exploitation are blooming in Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, India, Peru and many other countries, labourers are coerced to work without pay in Bolivia, India, Pakistan etc, child labour is a common sight in Indonesia, Brazil, Kenya etc, and sex syndicates are not to be undermined in many parts of Europe.

No nation wants to be known as a haven for slavery and trafficking but nonetheless over 150 countries around the world are documented as a source for the slave trade. A thriving black market in human beings has emerged in our modern world. It is a criminal enterprise involving scoundrels and international syndicates. Corruption among law enforcers and government officials play a key role in its success. The process of enslavement involves traffickers targeting children from communities lacking in social power and at times with the consent of the victims' parents, the extraction by traffickers by removing victims from their home communities to destination where they are unlikely to get support from law enforcement bodies or general citizenry, slaveholders seeking control over every aspect of the victim's life so that escape becomes unthinkable, the use of violence as a mean to reinforce control and ensure compliance and lastly physical and emotion exploitation of the victims.

We may passed by a construction site but never think twice whether the workers are in enslavement, toiling long hours with little or no pay. Children in sex slavery are openly offered as human services in broad daylight, at times in public view and most of us just stand by doing nothing, except to feel sympathy for them. Slavery is in reality, it is not invisible. They are in public view but how many of us will raise an alarm or an eyebrow?

Slaves in Pakistan may have made the shoes you are wearing, the carpet you on standing on. Slaves in the Caribbean may have put the sugar on your table and toys in the hands of your children. In India, they may have sewn the shirt on your back and polished the ring on your finger. The rice we eat may well be harvested by young children in Thailand.

Widespread poverty and social inequality ensure a pool of slaves as deep as the ocean. Parents in desperate straits may sell their children, young women in vulnerable communities are likely to take a risk on a job offer in an another country. The poor are apt to accept a loan that later manipulate and rob their freedom. Slavery flourishes in the world because it is tolerated by law enforcement.

I believe conviction of criminals is one of the most effective tools to deter trafficking and abusing people. If only the laws are enforced, the slave trade will end tomorrow. But unfortunately, slave owners, pimps and traffickers know they can rely on a broken public justice system to escape prosecution. The legalisation of the sex trade in many countries make the prosecution of traffickers, pimps and brothel owners almost impossible.

The book of Ecclesiastes expressed the desperation of the powerless. "I saw all the oppressions that are practiced under the sun. Look, the tears of the oppressed with no one to comfort them. On the side of their oppressors there was power". (Eccles 4:1)

I applause the courage and commitments of many abolitionists who are making a difference despite incredible odds. I hope and pray that the day may come when these movements will wipe away the tears of the oppressed and deliver justice to the oppressors.