An identity greater than the past

How can we escape a painful past? Will an undesirable past always be part of who we are or can we leave it completely behind? The question of identity can be addressed on many levels, including the biological, philosophical, behavioral and psychological. From the psychological perspective, we know it is not possible to erase our past, because at any moment we are the sum total of all that we have experienced and all that we have been. We experience the present with all the knowledge, skills, values, beliefs and emotions we have acquired throughout our lives. Every moment adds to the wealth of lifetime experience that constitutes the past. If identity were a simple direct progression, a person could beat a painful past by living well. However, by reminiscing, an individual brings the past back into the present and can revive its impact.

 

Insight into one’s self evolves throughout a person’s life and people differ in the extent to which they reflect upon who they understand themselves to be. The search for who we are can intensify during times of change. Research suggests that individuals who are more actively exploring their identity are more sensitive to change incurred by the passage of time. Comparing who we are now with who we once were helps us maintain a feeling of continuity in the face of constant change within and outside ourselves. But adversity in the past or the loss of joy that can’t be recaptured are not in themselves inevitable causes of poor psychological health. Attempts to deny, erase or escape the past fail to recognize that all experience contributes to who we become. How we process the good and the bad is important in maintaining well-being. Surviving misfortune, learning from mistakes, and incorporating the good that we once had are all opportunities for growing beyond our past while maintaining the thread that constitutes the unique individual we are. We are no longer who we were, but those experiences are still part of who we are. Better than escaping our past, we can become richer because of it.

 

Memories of our past can arouse a mix of emotions. Reminiscing is often accompanied by bittersweet nostalgic feelings of the joy of reliving the past despite the pain of loss. People who more readily feel nostalgic for their past have a greater appreciation for how past experiences become interwoven into their evolving sense of self. Such reflection enables a person to find meaning even in unwanted aspects of the past and facilitates reframing difficult experiences to discover something worthwhile in a process of positive reappraisal. Thoughtful comparison of past and present strengthens a person’s control over his or her own identity, not allowing events or others to define it. While not letting our identity be defined by others, acknowledging how others have helped shape who we are is one way of integrating aspects of the past without letting them overtake the present. Insights into the impact other people have had on us reminds us of the role we have played and continue to play in the lives of others.