How can we escape a painful past? Will an undesirable past always be
part of who we are or can we leave it completely behind? The question of identity can be addressed on many levels,
including the biological, philosophical, behavioral and psychological. From the
psychological perspective, we know it is not possible to erase our past,
because at any moment we are the sum total of all that we have experienced and
all that we have been. We experience the present with all the knowledge,
skills, values, beliefs and emotions we have acquired throughout our lives. Every
moment adds to the wealth of lifetime experience that constitutes the past. If
identity were a simple direct progression, a person could beat a painful past
by living well. However, by reminiscing, an individual brings the past back
into the present and can revive its impact.
Insight into one’s self evolves throughout a person’s life and people
differ in the extent to which they reflect upon who they understand themselves
to be. The search for who we are can intensify during times of change. Research
suggests that individuals who are more actively exploring their identity are
more sensitive to change incurred by the passage of time. Comparing who we are
now with who we once were helps us maintain a feeling of continuity in the face
of constant change within and outside ourselves. But adversity in the past or
the loss of joy that can’t be recaptured are not in themselves inevitable
causes of poor psychological health. Attempts to deny, erase or escape the past
fail to recognize that all experience contributes to who we become. How we
process the good and the bad is important in maintaining well-being. Surviving
misfortune, learning from mistakes, and incorporating the good that we once had
are all opportunities for growing beyond our past while maintaining the thread
that constitutes the unique individual we are. We are no longer who we were,
but those experiences are still part of who we are. Better than escaping our
past, we can become richer because of it.
Memories of our past can arouse a mix of emotions. Reminiscing is often
accompanied by bittersweet nostalgic feelings of the joy of reliving the past
despite the pain of loss. People who more readily feel nostalgic for their past
have a greater appreciation for how past experiences become interwoven into
their evolving sense of self. Such reflection enables a person to find meaning
even in unwanted aspects of the past and facilitates reframing difficult
experiences to discover something worthwhile in a process of positive
reappraisal. Thoughtful comparison of past and present strengthens a person’s
control over his or her own identity, not allowing events or others to define
it. While not letting our identity be defined by others, acknowledging how
others have helped shape who we are is one way of integrating aspects of the
past without letting them overtake the present. Insights into the impact other
people have had on us reminds us of the role we have played and continue to
play in the lives of others.
