What really matters most or rather more in life? Everyone knows that human life is precious. So, is it more valuable than anything else? What matters more… human life or human rights? Is life more valuable than the standard upon which a democracy is founded? Compromising human rights for human life and vice verse… Is protecting democracy more important than protecting human life? Why do some people give up their lives fighting for democracy? Matters of life and death are often the conflicting points of view in dealing with what matters most. Our stances may change significantly when issues such as abortion, capital punishment, euthanasia, animal experiment, human torture becomes our accountability. The atypical thing is that most of these controversies are concerned mainly with the visible consequences. Much of these disputes such as abortion are about whether or not it is consider murder, whether a fetus is a human being, when it is viable, and if the woman should have the choice to end her pregnancy. Those supporting capital punishment argue that society is justified in taking the life of a murderer. Hence if a woman aborts her child, is she not a murderer and the gynecologist not the accomplice? The opponents believe that justice should not involve revenge or capital punishment. Then again, what is justice to the victims?In deciding euthanasia in both its active and passive forms, should extreme measures be taken to keep a vegetating body alive? Should an intensely suffering human being be allowed to end his life if he wishes to do so? Can doctors make such a decision? Can doctors decide that certain human beings are of less value such as the handicap, infirmity, elderly etc and therefore it was not unethical to experiment on and to “kill” them? Incidentally, most serial killers in the world happened to be doctors. Even the Hippocratic Oath, formulated in the Declaration of Geneva in 1948 is no longer part of the teaching and of the graduating ceremony of the Medical Schools in most universities. Philosophy defines ethics as what is good for the individual and society and establishes the nature of duties that people owe themselves and one another. Though law often embodies ethical principals, law and ethics are far from co-extensive. Many acts that would be widely condemned as unethical are not prohibited by law such as lying or betraying. While the Hippocratic code was founded to ensure that medicine would remain true to its purpose of healing and promoting health but not death, nonetheless it has undermined the Universal Declaration of Human Rights of the anti-life laws in many countries. How about the lives of animals? Do we have the right to make animals suffer to prove a hypothesis? Perhaps abortion is not just a matter of killing bodies from the fear of unwanted pregnancies; is it not denying oneself and the unborn self the opportunity of working out ties that have been made in the past? Could we actually be increasing our burdens by assuming that we will never undergo the consequences of previous and present thoughts and actions? Again, what guarantee do we have that ending the life of a criminal's body will end the life of the other aspects of his being? The criminal tendencies of his thought-life may very well continue to influence others who are sensitive to them. In the case of euthanasia, our hearts may go out to the needless pain and suffering of a person who is beyond recovery. The key point is who knows what an entity needs? Suppose we are here to learn and grow, materially and spiritually. By having a person leave his body before his time, we may be taking something he needs away from him. On the other hand, by keeping the body perfunctorily "alive," are we trying to give him something he does not need? If we were to approach all these issues with the law of cause and effect in mind, we might realize that in many cases both abortion and euthanasia are only postponing certain effects and not eliminating the problem. Is this really in the best interests of the people concerned? Nothing can happen to one without affecting all the others. Causes and effects influence us not only on the physical plane, but also on the astral, psyche, mental, intuitional and spiritual levels. The greatest mistake we can make is to think that we can do anything as it only concerns ourselves. In truth, we are connected in so many intricate ways that our actions have a domino effect across the board. By focusing our attention on only material causes and visible effects, we are missing a great deal and may very well make things worse. Most people would agree that physical causes have physical effects, especially since they can see the immediate consequences. Yet by the same reasoning, non-material causes should have effects on non-material levels, even though they are invisible. We have lots more to deal with the outcome of a diversity of the invisible as it affects much more than our visible selves. What matters is not only matter but it shapes our thoughts and acts accordingly. There is a lot of suffering in this world at so many different levels but how can suffering be a catalyst for transforming our lives. Painful experiences can make us question the way we have been living. They are a wake-up call. There is a moment of clarity where you know what is important to you especially when you know your time on earth is limited for the view from the edge of life is a lot clearer than most of us have. They make people think more deeply about things and ask themselves “What is important? What really matters? How do I want to spend my days and What matters?" These questions can change our lives and the lives of people around us. Nobody is ever going to said, "If I die, I'm going to miss my BMW" What really matters is who you have touched on your way through life, who has touched you and cared deeply, and what you are leaving behind as your legacy in the hearts and lives of those around you. There is meaning in everything we do. Most of us live far more meaningful lives than we know. Only a sense of meaning can satisfy whatever emptiness in us. At the end of life, when people look back to see what matter, it will not be what they bought and what they owned. It is about what they reaching out and helping others. It is all about the love they gave and received… one heart at a time. What matters most in life is different for each and every one of us. We all have our own unique and individual priorities, priorities that define us for who we are and what we stand for. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what. Life is not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.
Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me bring your love,
Where there is injury your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt true faith in you.
Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness, only light,
And where there's sadness, ever joy.
O Master grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of your peace,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we are born to eternal life. The Prayer of St Francis is my all time favourite hymn. It was the first hymn and prayer I taught my children. For many years, it was the thanksgiving hymn of my prayers. However, over time with more and more upbeat Christian praise and worship songs, somehow I have not listened or sang it for a while. I always choose this hymn for special occasion and as I sang it yesterday, it brought to mind why I did not choose it as my final hymn in my prepared funeral mass booklet. This is the prayer that brings me much serenity and how can I depart this world without it accompanying me to eternity.
Given today political upheaval and unrest in so many parts of the world, contemplation of the Prayer of St Francis seems to be even more relevant than ever. How can we make ourselves a channel of God’s peace with the tragedy of current world calamities ringing in our ears? Look at suicide bombers in Jakarta, Pakistan, Middle East… victims of genocide and civil wars… where is the peace?
"Where there is hatred, let me bring your love." Is this possible when terrorism is sweeping across nations? Do world leaders, religious leaders, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims have an obligation to change the perception? Can we talk about harmony when one of today's greatest conflicts is between unity and diversity? Can we love without prejudice regardless of race, language or religion? Without love, we are all antagonists in our own way, fragmented by diversity and hatred. Even love within a family is difficult these days, siblings’ rivalry, fights over material stuff, false accusation, hateful words… where is the love? I certainly can't feel the love tonight!
"Where there is injury, your pardon Lord." I can imagine how awfully painful it must be for a mother to see her child injured, maimed, killed, and clinging on to faith, forgive the perpetrator. I can imagine the pain and suffering of parents, children, spouses who see their loved ones destroyed before their very eyes. How do we forgive terrorism, murder and rape? Can we pray for suicide bombers, pedophiles, gangsters? Can we truly forgive the clergy, leaders, teachers, doctors, law enforcers, parents, siblings, even children who hurt us more than help us?
"Where there is doubt, true faith in you." Most of us are like doubting Thomas… even with Jesus by our side, doubt will always be part of us until we have experience the tangible love of God. Only then can our faith and hope prevail. Well, at least I can say in confidence, there is no doubt, God provides and He knows.
"Where there is despair in life, let me bring hope." Intrinsically, we are filled with hope if we have not been totally crushed by others. Can we stay strong when peace and love don’t compromise? Can we give a helping hand when bread and butter is an issue for us? When we can't even take care of ourselves, can we take care of others? Looking for hope in a hopeless world, trying to find love in these hateful times. Yes, we have a reason for living, we have a purpose and we must have hope in the midst of this hopelessness world. Oh, well....
"Where there is darkness, only light." The darkness of ignorance, the darkness of hatred, the darkness of prejudice, the darkness of jealousy. Oh God, why is it so difficult when it only takes a spark to get the fire burning… pass it on, pass it on… so that others may see the light at the end of the tunnel. Goodness will prevail and I pray that I will always be able to bring love, kindness, compassion, joy and laughter to light up the lives of others.
“Where there is sadness, ever joy." Our lives are but grains of sand in the seashore of eternity. I have come across many people whose lives are filled with sadness and pain. Sometimes these sorrowful lives seem interminably long. Perhaps sadness can be overcome by the compassion, patience, fortitude and sacrifices if we genuinely love humanity and know what it means to understand and console. While I may be surrounded daily by people who are filled with enthusiasm and sincerity to love God and His people, I hope they are truly motivated by selfless and not selfish purpose. Perhaps these people may one day be like St Francis, able to eliminate sadness and bring joy.
“O Master grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul”. When we open our arms to welcome the needy, give a hug to heal a pain, lend a listening ear, visit the sick, pray for others, wipe their tears, we are unknowingly doing the work of St Francis. If we recognize the dignity of animals and refuse to wear them around our neck, we are doing the work of St Francis. When we go where God leads, we are following the path of St Francis and now is the time for us to do our part, as St Francis said before he breathe his last.
The really extraordinary conclusion about the exhortations in St. Francis' Prayer is that there is no limit to what we can do physically and intellectually to make this world a better place... for you and me and the entire human race. All of us have the capacity to nurture ourselves in simple and ordinary ways to carry a spirit of love, unity, peace and reconciliation into all our relationships making them extraordinary in a special way. With each person we meet, we should look beyond the surface, beyond the external qualities that seem to divide us so that we can reach to the core of each person and show them God’s unconditional love. The real challenge behind this prayer is that it speaks of humanity’s highest ideals. It seems too complicated and overwhelming for most of us but complexity and difficulty do not excuse use from carrying and giving out our own individual efforts. This is it... when healing takes place. I hope the Prayer of St Francis will always be a part of my life till the day I die.
I browsed through the point power handout given to the priests at the annual retreat today and I can’t help but to add my two cents worth on ‘Emotions’. Human beings have the basic emotional needs that are expressed as feelings of acceptance, respect and importance but all differs in the strength of need depending very much on our self confidence. Some need to be affirmed frequently, some need more freedom and greater understanding while others may need more security and social connections.
The primary emotions that Fr McQuire has pointed out are: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation. I would not classify fear, sadness, disgust and anger as primary emotion as they are more often, secondary emotion. A primary emotion is what we feel initially and a secondary emotion is what it leads to. Of course, it may be a norm for some people to primarily burst into anger right from the beginning. Thus, for such people then anger is a primary emotion while some of us only feel anger after being provoked, insulted, cheated etc.
When emotional needs are not met, most people, children and adults alike act out their frustration in various ways which are typically seen as misconduct in children and displacement in adults. Therefore it is important to be aware of our emotional needs as a first step to helping and changing ourselves for the better since no aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our existence than emotions. Emotions are what make life worth living or sometimes ending. Hence, some great philosophers such as Aristotle and Plato had concluded several theories of emotion on how it triggers bodily changes and behaviour. Emotions are literally our feelings in the context of cognition but it is the physical sensation that makes them really different. It is therefore of utmost importance to bear in mind that emotions affect and are part of our disposition, judgment and decisions. The seven deadly sins and the seven virtues are all emotions… emotions of wanting (greed, envy, love), emotions of not wanting (fear, shame), emotions of having (happiness, guilt, pride), emotions of not having (sadness, anger).
An acceptable philosophical theory of emotions must account for at least nine characteristics: (1) emotions are typically conscious phenomena (2) emotions involve more pervasive bodily manifestations than our consciousness (3) emotions vary in intensity, valence, type and range of intentional objects, etc (4) emotions are reputed to be antagonists of rationality (5) emotions play a crucial role in the regulation of social life (6) emotions protect us from overly slavish devotion to narrow conceptions of rationality (7) emotions play an indispensable role in our quality of life (8) emotions define our priorities.
Emotions (feelings) alert us when our natural human need is not being met. For example, when we feel lonely, our need for connection with other people is unmet. When we feel afraid, our need for safety is unmet. When we feel rejected, it is our need for acceptance which is unmet. Emotions help us communicate with others. Our facial expressions can convey a wide range of emotions and give out both positive and negative vibes. The better we can identify our emotions, the easier it will be to determine what is needed to be happy. Our emotions are perhaps the greatest potential source of uniting the human species. Clearly, religions, cultural and political beliefs have not united man but have in some ways, tragically and even fatally divided mankind. Emotions, on the other hand, are universal as it creates in us empathy, compassion and forgiveness etc. As the saying goes… beliefs divide us and emotions unite us.
Research in emotion has shown that it has an intense impact on our outlook in life as shown in Gardner’s theory on emotional intelligence which involves the abilities of self awareness, managing emotions, motivation, empathy and social relationships. It’s time we monitor our emotions and use them to guide our thinking and actions in order to act wisely and operate effectively in life. Otherwise, we may all have to sing to the tune of Bee Gees‘ Emotions… “It’s over and done but the heartache lives on inside…… in the word of a broken heart, it’s just emotions.... taking me over, tied up in sorrows, lost in my soul…..” How sad..... heartache, sorrow, lost soul... list just goes on and on.
What will become of mystery if we have all the answers to every question? What will come about spiritual experiences, coincidences and chance encounters? When everything is explained, doesn’t life become somehow mundane, expected and earth-bound? Surely we should leave some room for mystery instead of trying to explain everything from how our minds work to the question of God? Isn’t it the incomprehensible that keeps us curious about life, learning and our surrounding? Kierkegaard was right when he said that “life is not a problem to be solved, rather a mystery to be lived”. Not knowing what tomorrow may bring give a sense of intrinsic mystery to the human mind to seek for answers regarding evolution, heritage, survival and moving us forward to use our intelligence and imagination.
Although we live in a world where there is great emphasis for scientific explanation, theories, answers and logic, mystery persists as a reminder to enjoy an unknowable journey that requires us to walk and see with the eyes of faith. Mystery defies reason and allow for the unexpected, wonders at rainbows and butterflies, casting ourselves into mysterious waters where we know we belong to being part of something greater than ourselves, where trust and intuition of a supreme power keeps our minds open and our lives interesting and reminding us that we are not masters of our destiny.
Even when our deepest emotion can be reduced to an empirical account of neuroscience, we will still live in mystery, fantastic rather than forensic. It dispels the arrogance that we know where we are heading and what lays ahead so that we will be more willing to walk in the dark knowing that somewhere out there, God is watching us and holding our hands. What a wonderful sight it be may…
Very often, we hear parents say that our children are very unlike our generation. So, how different are they from our cohort? Our current historical cycle began just after World War II where the era of the Baby Boomers started from 1946 to 1964, then Generation X (1965 - 1987) and finally the Millennials (1988 to 2005).
There is a different psychology to each generation as our perspective is never the same as that of our parents or our children. A revolutionary theory suggests that the period of our birth shapes our sense of identity, world view, personal background and circumstances. We tend to have opposing views from the shadow generation that is one removed from us. Each generation‘s values are shaped by the parenting styles which are much influenced by their time. Generational theory reveals that society repeatedly oscillates between over and under protection of our children. This can be seen after WWII, as society was rebuilding itself, its instinct was to nurture the children but as time passed, the agenda changed. From the late 60s to the mid-80s, society focused on adults and contemporary politics such as civil rights, feminism and nuclear proliferation. As these issues moved on, the shift returned to the needs of the child. Since the 90s, the Millennials started to worry most about children health, safety, comfort and protection. Presently, they wrestle for gay rights, racial discriminations and rights, rights and more "God-given" rights...
The Baby Boomers grew up as post-crisis children who are not afraid of hardship. They were very independent as their parents had to work hard to rebuild their lives after WWII. They are also the most creative of all generation with original, idealistic and value-driven voices. Generation X grew up pretty much unprotected and many were marginalized and alienated as young adults. They are politically apathetic, resilient, resourceful and tolerant of uncertainty. The Millennials grew up loved, protected and regarded as special.
Generation X and the Millennials are a whole lot more worldly than the Baby Boomers but that does not make them any smarter or better to handle challenges. Boomers were taught to work our way up to the top. There were lots of opportunities then but everything had a price i.e. to work hard as there is no such thing as a free lunch. We did not dare talk much about hardships and sacrifice as we were growing up in the 60s. Our parents had the exclusive rights as they had lived through the Great Depression where their independence and freedom had been threatened by a war that required significant sacrifices from everyone. But they did not think of themselves as victims but rather strived to provide a better life for their children.
Apparently, it is not so with Generation X and the Millennials as they were taught that it is part of their parents and government’s responsibility to provide a free lunch. They wanted a BMW by the time they were in their mid 20s. They expect the government to provide for their needs. Today, they are beginning to demand “round the clock day care service”. In another decade, they probably consider it as a right to drop off their kids at day care for kids-free weekend! Today, it is a sacrifice when the cable TV, internet or mobile network go off… while the Baby Boomers considered it very fortunate to own a black and white TV set or a telephone line during their time.
Society has become too diverse and complicated without a national goal and role models; hence it is harder for a generation of young people to have any direction. As kids we all made up nicknames for the most strict and demanding teachers but the Baby Boomers would never think of talking back to our teachers and in fact deep inside us, we respected them for what they had taught is even if we did not agree with their methods. We were taught filial piety and to respect our elders. Of course, they also lived up to their part of the bargain too. Today, many children show no respect to their teachers or elders and speaking their mind is considered a virtue… a courage to hold opposing views. Many parents have to become friends with our kids in order to be able to speak and think in their jargon. We are afraid that disciplining them will close off communication. But by allowing our children to become our friends, we lose the stature that is essential in any structured society. We fail to impart moral values, virtues and survival intuitions. We fail miserably and the day will come when these young peoples cannot differentiate what is wrong and what is right, what is good and what is bad. Yes, society changes with every era, but is it for the better? I wonder… I am glad that I am part of the Baby Boomers and I kept my bargain as a role model parent to my children... I survived and yes, we Baby Boomers are the champions!
I am mourning the death of a friendship. J is still alive but our friendship died. We met when we were 15 years old... grow up and older together. It's hard to believe that an email could kill a friendship but it did. I really did not meant for it to end this way and my email was to foster better understanding but her sms was filled with anger and hurting words. I though we could agree to disagree but it was easier to hate than love. If Michael Jackson's death could be so personal to many of us, surely the death of our friendship is even more tragic. Many can identity the lost of MJ because he was part of our growing years and his death signify the ending of a certain part of our youth. What more with J, we had fun, we had sun, we had season in the sun... many precious memories of our youth and friendship. Sigh... once, there were four, now only three left....
