A little kindness goes a long way

The amount of kindness bears no proportion to the effect of kindness. Generally, people do not look at what you have had to give up in order to do for them what you have done. They see only the kindness. It is not what you do but how you do it that matters.

The least kind action is greater than the greatest wrong. The smallest kindness can lift a heavy weight. It reaches far and travels swiftly. A kind action lasts a long time. The doing of it is only the beginning. Years of estrangement can hardly take the sweetness out of a kind deed.

The more you try to repay kind deeds, the further off you seem from having repaid them. The obligations of gratitude lengthen and deepen so that your life seems to be delightfully committed to a profusion of kind actions.

You cannot pass a day without meeting with opportunities for kind actions. Kind acts are as easy as they are frequent in our lives.When kindness calls for self denial, sacrifice is rewarding. You always gain more than you lose. You gain outwardly but the inward gain is greater. The wonderful effects of a kind deed certainly make you wonder why you do not do more kind deed as one kind action leads to another. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions. 

Three litttle don'ts (1)Don't speak unkindly of others (2) Don't speak unkindly to anyone (3) Don't act unkindly towards anyone. And three little dos. (1) Do speak kindly to someone at least once a day (2) Do think kindly about someone at least once a day (3) Do act kindly toward someone at least once a day.

I am very grateful to those kind people whom God sends my way during my difficult times and the kindness that they have shown me is forever engraved in my heart. That's the hidden power of kindness... you can never repay it enough.

The meaning of happiness

Am I happy? Is my life a happy one? Am I happy with my family? Am I happy in my job? Am I happy with my church? Am I happy inside my own skin?Are these good questions to ask ourselves? When we face our lives honestly this kind of question about happiness is more likely to bring tears to our eyes than solace to our souls because, no matter how well our lives are going, none of us live perfectly fulfilled lives. There are always unfulfilled dreams, areas of frustration, tensions, deeper hungers that are being stifled. As Karl Rahner so poignantly puts it, we are suffering the torment of the insufficiency of everything attainable as we are learning that here in this life there is no finished symphony.

The question should not be: Am I happy? Rather the questions should be: Is my life meaningful? Is there meaning in my life? Is there meaning in my family? Is there meaning in my job? Is there meaning inside my church? We need to ask the deep questions about our lives in terms of meaning rather than in terms of happiness because, for the most part, we have a false, over-idealized, and unrealistic concept of happiness.

We tend to equate happiness with two things, pleasure and lack of tension. Hence we fantasize that for us to be happy we would need to be in a situation within which we would be free of all the tensions that normally flood into our lives from: pressure, tiredness, physical pain, financial worry, disappointment in our jobs, frustration and every other headache and heartache that can appear. Happiness, as it is superficially conceived of, means perfect health, perfectly fulfilled relationships, a perfect job, no anxiety or tension in life, no disappointments and the time and money to enjoy the good life.

But that isn't what constitutes happiness. Imagine if someone had come up to Jesus as he was dying on the cross and asked him the question: Are you happy up there? His answer would have been unequivocal: "No! And today in particular I am not happy!" However, the perspective is quite different if, while on the cross, Jesus would have been asked this question: "Is there meaning in what you are doing up there?" There can be deep meaning in something even if there isn't happiness in the way we superficially conceive of that.

When we grasp and reflect back on various periods of our lives... from the perspective of where we are today, we see that sometimes certain periods of our lives that were fraught with all kinds of struggles, and within which very little were indeed happy moments. We look back on them now with fondness and warmth. They were meaningful times and our present perspective washes back through time and purges the pain and highlights the joy. Conversely, we can also look back on certain periods of our lives when there may have been pleasure in our lives but that phase of our lives now appears clearly as an unhappy time. We look back at it with a certain heaviness and regret. What seemed like light then seems like a time of darkness now.

C.S. Lewis taught that happiness and unhappiness colour backwards: If our lives end up happy, we realize that we have always been happy even through the trying times... just as, if our lives end up unhappy we realize that we have always been unhappy, even during the pleasurable periods of our lives. Where we end up ultimately, in terms of meaning will determine whether our lives have been happy or unhappy. Many people, including Jesus suffered great pain but lived happy lives. Sadly, the reverse is also true. Happiness has a lot more to do with meaning than with pleasure. In his autobiography, Surprised by Joy, C. S. Lewis tells his readers that his journey to Christianity was not an easy one. But one of the things that ultimately brought him around to Christianity was precisely the realization that meaning trumps our normal conception of happiness. He came to understand that the harshness of God is kinder than the softness of man and God's compulsion is our liberation. Money can't buy happiness... it can only buy pleasure, but, as life itself eventually teaches us, pleasure is not necessarily happiness.

Be happy knowing that is what God meant for us to be.

To live is to die, to die is to live

Let us die with Christ, to live with Christ

We see that death is gain, life is loss. Paul says: For me life is Christ, and death a gain. What does “Christ” mean but to die in the body, and receive the breath of life? Let us then die with Christ, to live with Christ. We should have a daily familiarity with death, a daily desire for death. By this kind of detachment our soul must learn to free itself from the desires of the body. It must soar above earthly lusts to a place where they cannot come near, to hold it fast. It must take on the likeness of death, to avoid the punishment of death.

It was by the death of one man that the world was redeemed. Jesus did not need to die if he did not want to, but he did not look on death as something to be despised, something to be avoided. He could have found no better means to save us than by dying. Thus his death is life for all. We are sealed with the sign of his death. When we pray, we preach his death; when we offer sacrifice, we proclaim his death. His death is victory; his death is a sacred sign. Death was not part of nature; it became part of nature. God did not decree death from the beginning; he prescribed it as a remedy. Human life was condemned because of sin to unremitting labour and unbearable sorrow and so began to experience the burden of wretchedness. There had to be a limit to its evils; death had to restore what life had forfeited. Without the assistance of grace, immortality is more of a burden than a blessing.

The soul has to turn away from the aimless paths of this life, from the defilement of an earthly body; it must reach out to those assemblies in heaven to sing the praises of God.  Great and wonderful are your deeds, Lord God Almighty; just and true are your ways, King of the nations. Who will not revere and glorify your nature? You alone are holy; all nations will come and worship before you. The soul must also desire to witness your nuptials, Jesus, and to see your bride escorted from earthly to heavenly realities, as all rejoice and sing: All flesh will come before you. No longer will the bride be held in subjection to this passing world but will be made one with the spirit.

The Beatitudes

Jesus Christ gave us the eight Beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount. He offers us a way of life that promises eternity in the Kingdom of Heaven.

The teachings of Jesus were simple but distinctive and innovative during the time of his life on earth. At the time there were four major groups in the Jewish religion, the Pharisees, Sadducees, Essenes, and the Zealots, all of whom presented a different viewpoint to the Jewish people. The Pharisees demanded strict observance of the Mosaic law expressed in the Torah, but also accepted the oral tradition of Jewish customs and rituals. The Sadducees were mainly from the priestly families and strictly accepted the Law of Moses but rejected oral tradition. The Pharisees, unlike the Sadducees, believed in the resurrection of the dead. The monastic Essenes awaited a Messiah that would establish a Kingdom on earth and free the Israelites from oppression. The Zealots were a militant Jewish group who wanted freedom for their homeland, and were centered in Galilee.

The Ten Commandments, given to Moses on Mount Sinai related a series of "Thou shalt not" phrases, evils one must avoid in daily life on earth. In contrast, the message of Jesus is one of humility, charity, and brotherly love. He teaches transformation of the inner person. Jesus presents the Beatitudes in a positive sense, virtues in life which will ultimately lead to reward. Love becomes the motivation for the Christian. All of the Beatitudes have an eschatological meaning. While the Beatitudes provide a way of life that promises salvation, they also provide peace in the midst of our trials and tribulations on this earth. The Beatitudes is the ideal for every Christian life!

 

Happiness

A good life is a happy life. Happiness is achieved through living an ethical life. Good relations and taking responsibility are happiness by itself. But good people aren’t always happy. Why? Because goodness is an ideal stage; it is something you wish for. Even the best archer doesn’t always hit the bull’s-eye. External conditions make it easier to achieve happiness. For example, an archer is more likely to hit a target if she uses the best-made bow than if she used a poorly made bow. No one, though, has everything that is needed - peaceful times, perfect health, an objective society, loving parents, caring teachers etc.

No one can be happy all the time. But you can approach happiness with a good family, a good friend, a good government, good enough possessions and adequate health. Happiness, while not possible all the time, is possible at least some of the time. More than that, you can look back on your life and say that you were happy. Happiness is the overall assessment of your life, not the episodic moments. It’s Seurat’s pointillist picture from a distance, not the dots up close. True happiness is loving the right things and loving them in the right way. Ethical relationships make it more likely than not that as you look back on your life you will be able to say, “I have lived a good life.”

Still, there is something about happiness that is sovereign of virtue. This is the happiness that is found in the joy of existence, the delight in simply being. This can be experienced either with others or in moments of solitude. Whatever form it takes, I suppose, is a matter of temperament. Individual characters and upbringing will lead people to find happiness in different ways. Some are, by nature, social, others more solitary. I may find happiness in the company of people or you may prefer a walk in the park. You may enjoy the quiet of a good book, or perhaps it is the cordiality of the dinner table you seek. Some love cities, others the countryside.

How you find happiness, it is always accompanied by love, for happiness is ultimately the love of life, the celebration of living. You want to take care of people whom you love, and you are attentive toward it. The person who finds happiness through love is the person who can be trusted to bring happiness to others. There are those who possess everything they claim to have wanted but still aren’t happy. They think they can be happy yet indifferent, happy while independent. The truth is the opposite: happiness requires gratitude and an acknowledgement of interdependence with that which is around you. More wealth doesn’t make you happier; deeper and better relations do.

The places of happiness are infinite, the sources never-ending. You reside those places not because they have been pursued but because you have opened your heart and have allowed them in.

 

Are criminals born or made?

Within an evolutionary psychological perspective, human beings can form aggressive coalitions as a solution to adaptive problems.  It represents a collection of strategies that manifested under high specific contextual conditions. An evolutionary perspective suggests at least six aggressive strategy i.e. coopting the resources of others, defending oneself against attack, inflicting costs on intrasexual rivals, power hierarchies and negotiating status and struggle for survival. Dominance theory proposes that humans have evolved and adopt several information processing strategies that emphasizes on the emotional components of dominance such as rage, envy, depression and social anxiety etc. There is vast evidence that crime runs in families and that early childhood precursors of crime is clear.

In one study of adoptions conducted in Denmark from 1924 to 1947, it found that chronically criminal biological parents were three times as likely to produce a chronically criminal son as were biological parents with no such convictions. Other research indicates high-risk children should be identified and given early help as the abnormal need for stimulation that impels a child toward abnormal behaviour may later express itself in a tendency toward psychopathy and its consequences, such as criminal behavior.

Many studies have shown that individuals who have social interaction difficulties  may manifest futile ways of trying to get close contact by the exercise of power over others. The absence of feelings of empathy for a victim can be a powerful factor of violence. Cognitive distortions refers to patterns of thinking which form negative aspect of their impact e.g. man many entertain rape myth that the women are secretly wanting to have sex forced upon them. Many criminals are also victim of substance use and social learning. Macro-societal supports male aggression, patriarchal, sexist and other ingrained attitudes. Biologically chains evolutionary processes and events at a hormonal or neuro-anatomical level. Socialization and gender role influences the male and female role development and pressures towards difference patterns of social interaction and beliefs regarding gender. Psychological experiences affect children in more harmful ways as they are exposure to observing violence and cruelty. The psychosocial statuses also contribute to the range of factor for violence. Hence, all these variables add on to a person’s psychological disposition which is normally the product of nature, upbringing and individual experience. Society has rejected these individuals and in some cases the individual’s perception of rejection fuelled the reality of it.   

In general, there are the theories of murder that are interrelated. Killers often portray an overt lack of self esteem. The expression of low self esteem can either be overt or covert.  The overt presentation of low self esteem is the offence cycle, fantasy-addiction model and medical model while the covert presentation covers narcissistic personality theory and evolutionary model.  The offence cycle theory defines a predictable sequence that repeats itself in the thoughts and action of a killer. Murder becomes an addiction. The nine steps that define the offence cycle are (1) anticipated rejection (2) hurt feeling (3) negative self image (4) unhealthy coping (5) deviant fantasies (6) grooming of a victim and (7) commission of offence (8) guilt (9) rationalization. The fantasy addiction model also supports this theory with particular attention given to the deviant fantasies that drive the act of murder. However, the killers with the fantasy addiction would rather not acknowledge their poor ego strength but believe that they are more superior to other human beings. They can be remarkably intelligent and articulate with refined skills of manipulation. Killers of narcissistic personality disorder are so self confident that they can evolve to a dangerous level of antisocial behaviour with an compulsion to kill. The worst of all is the evolutionary model as the killer is both self sufficient and self seeking that the need for a social environment no longer exists. 

Are criminals born or made? The answer is quite clear that both nature and nurture can be strong factors that reflect the rate of crime, type of crime, the seriousness and frequency. Whatever the exact details, crime touches the lives of nearly everyone. Research shows that crime events take the largest share of media spotlight. There are more areas to look into the relationship between psychology and the study of crime, hence the study of individual factors such as cognitive and emotional development should be seen as an element of a broader understanding of crime. 

How to heal a broken heart

A broken heart can cause such an intense reaction that you may feel your life has been completely stripped of meaning. Work, hobbies, and friends may no longer hold any joy. In fact, some of us even experience physical pain with a tight chest, headache or insomnia. “Time heals all wounds” is something we have all heard over the years, but do you really have to wait for time to heal these wounds? A broken heart hurts! Can time really heal a broken heart? Only time can tell and I shall continue waiting…

Irrational thinking that leads to learned helplessness

· There is no way I will ever be able to get myself out of this mess.

· Don't pressure me to change. I become immobilized under pressure.

· I don't know how to do what I need to do for myself because I was never taught this.

· If people hadn't abandoned me, then I would have been able to solve these problems.

· People are basically selfish and they don't care about you.

· The only time people give me attention is when I'm not capable of helping myself.

· No matter what I do, I'll be abandoned anyway so why should I change?

· I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, so why should I try?

· If they really loved and cared about me, they would do it for me.

· I've never been able to do it before so what makes them think I can do it now?

· I'm a weak, frail, human person and people can't expect me to get strong overnight.

In order to reduce your sense of helplessness, one must identify those problems, obstacles, fears, or issues over which you feel helpless and identify what beliefs keep you locked into being helpless for each one. It is necessary to develop a new belief system that encourages you to recognize that being independent, competent, self-confident, and capable of helping, "fixing,'' and changing yourself is healthy, desirable, and necessary for you. Stop hiding behind all your old excuses, beliefs, and cliches about why you can't possibly help yourself. Lastly, embrace the "new you'' who is more self-competent, self-confident, and self-enhancing and recognize all of the healthy, normal, natural, beneficial consequences of living your life.
 

Gratitude

Gratitude means thankfulness, giving thanks to God, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you have been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. Giving thanks makes people happier and more resilient, it strengthens relationships, it improves health, and it reduces stress. "if the only prayer you say in your life is "thank you", that would suffice - Meister Eckhart

Nature or Nurture

One of the most intriguing debates of the twentieth century is that of the origin of behaviourial psychology . The issue that has its roots in biology and psychology is popularly framed as the "nature versus nurture" Consensus on the topic has differs from one to the other as the supposed cause of our actions. These changes are due to the internal dynamic and external influences in the development of a human being. Nature Theory think that people behave as they do because of their genetic disposition.

Physical qualities like eye, hair, or skin color, body structure, diseases and characteristics like interest, personality, temperament and sexual habits are also encoded in the genes. Human behavior is less controlled by the environment of free will then by the genes that they carry. Whatever incidents occur and traits that are practiced generation after generation get imprinted on the genes and are passed on to some extent to the next generation. The Nurture Theory agreed that genetic tendencies do exist, but they ultimately do not matter because the environmental factors and their upbringing conclude people’s behaviour. A gene may increase the inclination towards a particular behaviour but it does not make people do things unless a stimulus environment is provided. People are most likely to behave according to their upbringing and environmental influence.

Issues like criminal behavior, infidelity, sexual preferences have been ascribed by Nature theorists to genetic traits. However, Bandura’s social learning theory has shown that people learn through observing others’ behavior, attitudes, and outcomes of those behaviors. “Most human behavior is learned observationally through modeling: from observing others, one forms an idea of how new behaviors are performed, and on later occasions this coded information serves as a guide for action.” Social learning theory explains the interaction between cognitive, behavioral, and environmental influences. Historical developments have a significant impact on the way the nature-nurture debate developed.

Darwinism is based on genetic determinism and natural selection. Extending Darwin's theory of evolution, the debate swung in favor of "nurture", with American psychologists taking up a rhetoric of environmental influences on behavior, emphasizing the learning process. In turn, the European school of ethology arose in opposition to the environmentalists, focusing on innate behavior or genetic origins. Hence, how far are human behaviors, ideas, and feelings innate and how far are they all learned?

What is the basis of our security?

What is the basis of our security? When we start thinking about that question, we may give many answers: success, money, friends, property, popularity, family, connections, insurance, and so on. We may not always think that any of these forms the basis of our security, but our actions or feelings may tell us otherwise. When we start losing our money, our friends, or our popularity, our anxiety often reveals how deeply our sense of security is rooted in these things.

A spiritual life is a life in which our security is based not in any created things, good as they may be, but in God, who is everlasting love. We probably will never be completely free from our attachment to the temporal world, but if we want to live in that world in a truly free way, we'd better not belong to it. "You cannot be the slave both of God and of money" (Luke 16:13).

Anonymity may be the best

Some say that anonymity is the last refuge for cowards. People hiding behind the screen of anonymity or a false identity feel the freedom to launch angry, hurtful tirades. Anonymity allows them to be unkind without having to take responsibility for their words.


According to Ephensians, our words should edify and impart grace. If we are unwilling to use our name, there is reason to believe that my motive is to hurt not to help. Whenever we are tempted to say something in secret perhaps to a family member, friend etc, consider why we don't want our name to be identified with our words. After all, if we don't want to be identified with our words, God probablydoesn;t either. He is gracious and slow to anger and we should be the same.


But of course, it is easier said than done. However, if we are constantly reminded of the unkind actions of people around us and yet we do not wish to hurt others for an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, the only resort we have is quietly correct the wrong doings behind the mask of anonymity. That would have saved many more heartaches. Nonetheless, the best blessing is to have the grace and courage to speak the truth. In reality, speaking the truth tends to hurt people as well. What an ambigious world!

Store up your treasure in Heaven

"We are given in order to share. “Caring for the poor is lending to the Lord, and you will be well repaid.” (Proverbs 19:17) In some mysterious way, the Lord is identifying Himself with the poor. To open one’s eyes and see the Face of the Lord in the disabled, the sick and the less fortunate is the perfection of man on this earth. Jesus makes it the scale for the Final Judgment. The great separation on the Final Day takes place between those who recognized God in the poor and those others who were blind to this truth."

"What we share with the other is not for us to imagine that the other is indebted to us. We cannot have strings attached to our contributions. Our reward is solely from the Lord for dispensing what He handed to us according to His Will. “Lend without expecting to be paid back. Then you will get a great reward, and you will be the true children of God in heaven.” (Luke 6:35-37)"

"When wealth becomes our god, we can turn into inhuman oppressors - blind to the evil we pursue to achieve our materialistic goals."

"Wealth is indeed a blessing of God… What is important is to realize that wealth should not cut us away from God. Rather it must become a ladder to reach God and reflect His Glory. And in this sharing of the wealth with the less fortunate to build the kingdom of God, man becomes perfect and his wealth becomes a blessing." "Jesus said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and everything shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) When accepted from the Hands of God and shared with the fellowmen around, wealth becomes a blessing and life becomes a delight!"

My good friend Luke

My good friend Luke left for further studies last month. However, he never fail to keep in touch. He is a reliable, dependable and trustworthy friend. In bad times or good times, I can always ask for help and count on him. He would help me from the bottom of his heart and with no strings attached. He makes me laugh when I am sad, he makes me happier when I am glad.

It is a mutual, reciprocal relationship between me and many of my good friends but especially so with Luke. I hope it is a friendship that lasts for a lifetime. We can all make friends easily but it is hard to find a truly good friend. Thank you Luke for your friendship, love, care and concern.

The silent generation

Mark McCrindle observes that every generation is distinct in characteristics. The Millienium or Generation Z is defined by three factors: age and life state (ontological factors), times and technology (sociological factors) and events and experiences (historical factors).

Several common traits of Generation Z include:

• Those born between 1992 and 2011


• Two income earning parents and smaller families


• Growing up in a world that is all about connecting through technology


• Friendship are quantifiable by Facebook and they search for answers through Google


• Smarter, tech savier and great multi-taskers


• More self directed and indiviualistic


• Demand that they are taken seriously

This is the generation that is over-stimulated, over-exposed and over-informed by technology. If Gen Z wants to know anything about spirituality, they can do so with a click. Gen Z is also called the new silent generation. Most of their conversations take place through Smses and social network portals. We do not hear their voice yet they are texting to be heard. We can heard their uncensored views an raw emotions on Facebook, Twitter and personal blogs. They can endorse opinions with a simple "Like" button on Facebook and bring either scrutiny or praise at incredible speed.

Gen Z can have 500-2000 friends on Facebook but severely lack the interpersonal skills necessary for close friendships. They are highly individualistic, self-directe and opinionated. Interestly, Gen Z are parented by Gen X who load them with many ex-cirriculums and the introduction of gadgets at a young age conditioned them to be great mutli-taskers capable of coping with a high volume of tasks. Gen Z are revoluntionaries who dream about doing somehing to change their world. However, they do not necessarily know what something is or where to start.

It is not easy to understand this generation and it is very challenging to build bridges to connect with them in the real world.

Missing my grandma

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. It seems like only yesteryear when my grandma passed away. She suffered an infarct, then deteriorated and lost her mind. I saw her suffering and much as I loved for her to be around, I preferred to let her go. I did not grieve then, I saw it as a relief for her pain.

Now more than a decade later, I still miss her very much. I miss her more than anything in this world. There were nights when tears rolled down my cheek and I called out softly to her. She was a very special lady. She was my pillar of strength. She was my sunshine and beacon of light. She had a heart full of love... gentle wisdom in her advice she would give, guiding me in the way I should live. She gave me so much love, so openly, so freely and so overwhelmingly.

People said time will ease the pain. I hope so too but it goes so slowly. Who could ever imagine my life has change so much since she left. Many painful things have happened to me and if only grandma is still around, she will definitely make it better for me. There is such an emptiness that I never knew before and a loneliness that does not go away. Now I grieve for my grandma like never before. Who would know I still miss her so so much. Her memory will embrace my heart and keep me company till we meet again one day. I love my grandma.

Serial killers - psychosis that lurk beneath the surface of modern society

What drives a man to kill a person and another and then another until he can no longer stop? It is not easy to understand serial killer as in any other addictive compulsion. Irrational behaviour cannot be defined by rational thought. In order to gain a more thorough understanding of serial murder, cross disciplinary approaches are necessary. In this age of advanced specialisation, new depths of understanding into the disciplines of science, sociology and psychology is a must. There is no single causative factor to which the crime of serial murder can be attributed. Each has its own distinct signature and ritual. Serial killers are inherent sadists who are fascinated with violence and pain.

There are five theories of serial murder, mainly the offence cycle, fantasy addiction model, medical model, narcissistic personality theory and evolutionary model. A common feature of each theory is the indication of low self esteem. The expression of low self esteem can be either overt or covert. It depends on the killer's psychological disposition in upbringing and individual experience. Very often, an investigation into the childhood of practically every serial killer reveals an appalling history of abuse and neglect. As their ill-fated attempts in society fail, they take excessive measures to meet their aims and their warped sense of security becomes a form of addiction. This provides them with a transitory sense of security and complete control over the victim. The covert manifestation of low self esteem are far more difficult to identify as the killers appear overly confident. However, this facade is in response to deep seated feelings of rejection and inadequacy. Rather than acknowledge their poor ego strength, they develop the belief that they are superior to other human beings and feel that the world owes them something.

The offence cycle theory defines a predictable sequence that repeats itself in the thoughts and actions of a serial killer. Murder becomes an addiction and is consider to be the only means of survival. The addiction builds cumulatively and like other debilitating and life threatening disease, is progressive. The serial killer commits his crimes for purely psychological gain and there is always some sexual component to these crimes. Hypersexuality is a mood altering experience in the same way heroin or cocaine addiction is mood altering. The sexual behaviour is a psychotropic agent and is utilised as a coping mechanism.

The fantasy addiction model gives rise to deviant fantasies that drive the act of murder. They fantasies about causing injury and torturing their victims. They feel no guilt but possess strong feelings of severe insecurity and general anger towards all others. They kill for the thrill of it and have no interest in having a dead body in their hands other than to fantasise about power and control over it. Fantasy also blurs the distinction between what is real and what is not. The fantasy itself is the primary cause of the feelings of isolation the serial killer experiences. This isolation leads to self hatred and anger against the world. This in turn serves to provoke violent acts which lead to greater isolation and therefore, greater reliance on fantasy. It is a vicious, self destructive, self perpetuating cycle which thrusts the serial killer further and further outside the realm of what society deems to be normal.

A highly organised killer appear to have no problem with self esteem. Rather than alerting suspicions, he comes across as a trusted person. These killers are so self confident that they exhibit features of narcissistic personality disorder. The diagnosis of a personality disorder can progress to such careless extreme that the person completely isolates himself from meaningful contact with others and evolved to a dangerous level of antisocial behaviour. Beyond the typical manifestations of antisocial behaviour, the serial killer is driven by an excessive need for attention. Id a serial killer is narcissistic by nature,he may believe in a "manifest destiny" to kill. Because he regards himself as being above all, he has the right to decide who may live and who should die. In short, he enjoys playing God.

The medical model is a significant and viable platform from which to approach the study of serial murder as it links the types of violence exhibited to various patterns of abuse. Traditionally, the serial killer is regarded as being either sociopathic or psychotic. During the commission of their crimes, serial killers sever themselves from whatever sense of reality they are clinging to. They are unable to make the distinction between right and wrong because for them there is no such thing as right and wrong. Their only concern is what is going to satisfy their need to kill. Root causes include genetic defects, brain damage and chemical imbalances. The psychophysiological mechanisms that prevent most people from acting on impulses without forethought are absent within the serial killer.

The evolutionary model is used to identify killer who is both self sufficient and self seeking that the need of a social environment no longer exits. Victims are not considered to be people but object. He kills in order to see the end product of his work and collect the trophies of his labour, thus often keeps parts of victim's bodies for masturbatory purposes and the need for recognition, the desire to create a legacy of fear and most significantly, the overwhelming compulsion for committing crimes that not only defy all of conventional human logic but also shock and intrigue.

The first murder committed by a serial killer is an experience of euphoric physical and psychological arousal. Murder is a psychological high. The extreme of cruelty which the killer imposes upon his victim excites him to a state of sexual arousal. Necrophilia can best be described as sexual arousal stimulated by a dead body. The stimulation can be either in the form

of fantasies or actual physical sexual contact with the corpse.

Forensic science has provided some of the best tools for identifying and convicting serial killers but it cannot predict the determining causes of serial murder. Are serial killers themselves the victims of society? How can one measure true prevention, the type that precedes the commission of the crime? The motivations that drives a person to commit murder are cultivated in the darkest places of the mind but they do not grow without prolonged exposure to abuse and abandonment. Rejection, in its various form has turned people against one another.This circumstance is the darkest truth of all.

What are you giving up for Lent?

Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Season of Lent. It is a season of penance, reflection, and fasting that prepares us for Christ's Resurrection on Easter Sunday. By observing the forty days of Lent, we imitate Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for forty days. The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity.

The three traditional pillars of Lenten observance are prayer, fasting and almsgiving. Lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance, a season for reflection and awareness. The focus of Lent is also a time to prepare new converts for baptism through intensive classes and instruction. It is a time for long-standing Christians to review their lives and renew their commitment to their beliefs. More importantly, Lent is a time for serious, disciplined self-examination.

Some self examination questions upon which Christians might pray and meditate during Lent include:

(1) Am I sharing what I have with others?
(2) AM I gracious and patient with others, especially those who irritate you?
(3) Am I listening more to God and complaining less?
(4) AM I gossiping about others?
(4) Did I give to the poor and needy?
(5) Did I forgive those who have hurt me?
(6) Did I speak up for the maligned and oppressed?

The list can go on and on….

As for me I am giving up, giving in and giving out in my own ways. Smoking, I do not ; so I can’t give up smoking. Watching TV and surfing the net, I am not addicted, so I can’t that give up too. Cookies, ice-cream, chocolate etc I do not indulge, again I can’t give up. But I can give up being jealous or feeling depressed, I can give up a meal or two for the one child who die from starvation every six seconds, I can give up retail therapy. I can give in to a more prayerful life, I can sit silently with the Lord, I can read the Words of God everyday. I can give out to the poor and needy, I can continue to be a useful volunteer, I can give both money and kinds to a good cause.

Lent is really a preparation to celebrate God’s marvelous redemption at Easter, and the resurrected life that we live and hope for. It is essential to remember that nothing we do through self-denial or good works can ever repay the Lord for what He has accomplished for us. Lent is not about our giving up something just to please God; it is about what Jesus gave up to pay the penalty for the sins of the world… His dying on the cross.

The Good Samaritan

In the parable of the Good Samaritan, a Rabbi and a Levite ignore an injured man and passed by, with a Samaritan being the only one to stop and help. In today's modern world, this parable is becoming increasingly relevant. There are many examples of victims of crime being ignored and left helpless. The Good Samaritan is used to describe any person who goes out of his way to help another.

Luke 10:25-37
And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, "What is written in the law? How do you read?" And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." And he said to him, "You have answered right; do this, and you will live." But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was; and when he saw him, he had compassion, and went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; then he set him on his own beast and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, `Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.' Which of these three, do you think, proved neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?" He said, "The one who showed mercy on him." And Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise."

The righteousness of the law is indeed pretty clear about helping those who are in need even if that person is your enemy!

"If you come across your enemy's ox or donkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him. If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be sure you help him with it." (Exodus 23:4-5)

"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him." (Proverbs 24:17-18)

"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." (Proverbs 25:21-22)

If you encounter others in trouble, especially with people you want to avoid or do not like, how will you respond? Jesus contrasted the attitudes of three bystanders to the scene of a bloody victim beaten half-dead. Why did the religious leaders refuse help while an outsider, a Samaritan who was despised by the Jews, came to the rescue? Who showed true compassion and mercy? Jesus makes the supposed villain, the despised Samaritan, the merciful one as an example for the status conscious Jews. Why didn't the priest and Levite stop to help? The priest probably didn't want to risk the possibility of ritual impurity. His piety got in the way of charity. The Levite went close to the victim, but stopped short of actually helping him. Perhaps he fears that bandits might be waiting to ambush him. The Levite put personal safety ahead of saving his neighbour. The Samaritan not only stopped to help, he even went an extra mile to put him up in an inn and nurse him back to health. Are you willing and ready to do good for others, even to those you do not want to associate with? Who do you want to be, the Rabbi, the Levite or the Samaritan?

Alone and Lonely

All human beings are alone. No other person will completely feel like we do, think like we do or act like we do. Each of us is unique and our aloneness is the other side of our uniqueness. The question is whether we let our aloneness become loneliness or whether we allow it to lead us into solitude. Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect others in their uniqueness and create community.

Letting our aloneness grow into solitude and not into loneliness is a lifelong struggle. It requires conscious choices about whom to be with, what to study, how to pray, and when to ask for counsel. Being alone can have its advantages. Only wise choices will help us to find solitude where our hearts can grow in love. A creative person craves time to be alone. Professionals take sabbatical and spend time alone and return to work mentally and spiritually refreshed.

The strongest trees are those that grow alone. The greatest dreams are those conceived alone. God can speak to us only when we are alone. Our purpose and life's meaning will be revealed to us only when we are alone. Yes, solitude is not the hovel of a recluse but the mansion of a master.

I hope I will be able to live in solitude for the rest of this year.