Alert and critically ill vs senile but physically healthy

I just found an email in my personal box which I communicated with my best friend on a rather profound topic. She asked if I would prefer to be mentally alert but critically ill or senile but healthy at old age. I preferred to be critically ill and alert and explained the reasons which she found too profound. She asked several people and it was 70% prefer to be healthy but senile to 30% who prefer to be critically ill but alert.

My answer to her was:

Hi Jen,

I will prefer to be critically ill and mentally alert. Many times we never see the reasons for suffering and pain in this life. In St Paul's letter to the Hebrews, it is clear that suffering can perfect us in the image of Christ. Suffering gives us more capacity to comfort others who suffer. Suffering also humbles us and purifies our soul. Suffering also challenges others who are called to be care-givers to grow in love and compassion.  The mystery of suffering is revealed when through suffering; the sufferer, family and care-giver are sanctified and purified. It can also be a mean of penance for our sins and those of the world. Furthermore, one must be mentally alert to be able to make reconciliation with God and man. Only a mentally alert mind can make the heart contrite.  

To lose cognitive functioning i.e. memory loss, along with decline in reasoning ability and judgment deprives one from making amends. One has to die with dignity and peace. Once the mortal body dies, the soul will come into full awareness and I believe it is more painful not being able to tell your loved ones what you would like to say or to make up with your “enemies”. The full context of forgiving and forgiveness will be more apparent afterlife. Although it may appear to be a good thing during life, not being aware of the happenings = no suffering, in actual fact the suffering is more intense after death. The suffering of the soul is much greater than the suffering of the mortal body.  It is not true that lack of awareness is no agony. Mental agony could be even more tormenting than physical pain. Worst is that one cannot get out of it, unlike physical pain which can be transcended thru prayers.   

Bee

If only suicide can solve all our woes!

When we are going through tremendous suffering, weighed down by disappointments, overwhelmed by our sadness, abandoned by our loved ones,  not understood by our friends, we cannot but become disillusioned with life,  especially with our failures in life. When faced with such extreme sorrow,  we wish that we could die.  This is only natural. Even Job who lost all his fortunes, pride, dignity and health besides feeling totally abandoned by  God, misunderstood and condemned by his closest friends wished that God take away his life. But then if God does not want to shorten our life and suffering on this earth, will taking our own life be the answer to all our woes and afflictions? 


Jesus consoles us in Matthew 10:28-29, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet one of them will fall to he ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows". The greatness and misery of man is that he has freedom and the capacity to self-transcendence or self-destruction. Created in the image and likeness of God, man is not simply a material bring like animals. We have a soul which is the immaterial part of the person akin to our mind. Just as human consciousness is not dependent on the body, so too the soul cannot die, it being immaterial. One can only destroy the body but not the immortal soul.

So the irony and the dilemma of a person going through tremendous suffering if he were to take the way of self-annihilation by taking his life hoping to end his suffering, he is like a man coming out of  the frying pan into the fire.  People commit suicide because they want be  freed from their suffering.  Well, by taking one's life, we certainly will  free ourselves from physical suffering but can we free ourselves from  emotional, psychological and spiritual suffering which is that of the heart and mind? In fact, few people commit suicide because of physical suffering but  practically all those who commit suicide is due to immense emotional and  psychological pain.  So if the soul and the mind cannot die or be destroyed  like the body, aren't we simply carrying our emotional, psychological and spiritual suffering to the next life?

But if it is merely carrying this suffering to the next life, it might still be tolerable. However, the fact is that when the soul is separated from the body, the soul freed from the occupations of the mundane needs will feel  even more intensely his or her emotional and psychological pain.  The truth is that if we cannot handle and cope with our sufferings in this life, what reasonable hope could we have that in the next life, we will no longer have to suffer? In truth, we will suffer even more than ever and this time, we can no longer escape as we could on this earth by destroying our body. In the next life, we can no longer have the power to destroy the soul.

Yes, it is true that God is all merciful and will not send us to hell.  At  any rate, God will never send anyone to hell. God being a loving God will forgive us and welcome us to his kingdom. But the real obstacle to heaven is us.  We will not be able to forgive ourselves for what we have done. Of course, some cannot forgive themselves because they cannot forgive those who have hurt them. Whatever the cause of unforgiveness, we would find ourselves suffering a greater torment, more so for those who commit suicide. Believing that they will be freed of suffering, they will come to realize when in the next life, they see things clearly, how their act of suicide have actually caused more people to suffer.

The first to suffer would be their loved ones, their children especially, siblings, parents, friends, etc. This is inevitable since we are inter-dependent beings. As St Paul says, "For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone." (Rom 10:7).  Our death has an influence over others. Our children will be so distraught at the death of
their parents, more so when it is a suicidal death. So too will their siblings and loved ones and friends. All will feel that in some ways, they are responsible for the death of this person. Some will blame themselves for the rest of their lives for not being able to save the life of his or her loved ones. Often they too cannot forgive themselves and they will live with the guilt until their death. Their wounded-ness and brokenness will cause them to suffer irreparable damage to their lives. Such deep hurts and pain will be passed on consciously or unconsciously to their children. As a result, some who are so broken within will in turn suffer failures in their own lives. Some would even follow the path of self-annihilation set by their loved ones especially if there are their parents. It is within this context that inter-generational sin is plausible because we live in a history of sin. What we see others do, we will unconsciously imbibe their values in us and will follow suit when the situation arises. Beside all these sufferings, many will be involved in the coroner's inquiry and everyone who is involved in this person's life will have to give testimony and evidence at court which only accentuates their pain, misery, shame and failures to prevent their loved ones from taking the path of suicide.

On the part of the person who commits suicide, he will suffer more immensely knowing that he has caused so many problems and miseries behind to his loved ones. Already, he is unable to forgive himself on earth, now that he sees the consequences of his actions and the tolls it exacts on his loved ones remaining on earth, he becomes even more miserable.
He begins to regret that he did not struggle and fight the battle to the last. This leads again
to unforgiveness. He creates his own hell in the next world. He can now only look at his loved ones in great sorrow and helplessness. Isn't such pain in hell or purgatory whichever name you want to call it, even greater and more immense than the sufferings of this earth?
If we cannot take the emotional and psychological pain in this life, how we can ever tolerate the full weight of this emotional, psychological and spiritual death in the next world?

That is why, suicide as an option to conquer suffering in life leads to eternal death. Alas, is there no hope for those of us who have to suffer such intolerable pain, loneliness and
meaninglessness? There is only one way out. It is the way of Christ. We simply have to carry the cross until our last breath and then commend our suffering and life to the Lord.  Of course, it will not be easy at all.  But if we allow nature and grace to accompany us on the way, we will reach the final stage with joy. At least our conscience is clear and we can say with St Paul, "But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my  departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day-and not
only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." (2 Tim 4:5-8).

Like Jesus, we can only unite ourselves with the suffering of God. Jesus endured to the last because He loves his Father. St Paul endured his trials because he loves Jesus. The key to overcome our suffering is our love for God, only then our love for our loved ones. The former might not be strong enough to sustain us in our fight against the tribulations of life
but God is only ultimate strength. Like all great saints and holy men and women before us, in spite of all the persecutions they went through, the ridicule, the physical and mental tortures, the humiliations, the injustices etc, they could do so only because they love God.

Why do we suffer?  In the final analysis, we have no ultimate answer except that God suffers as much or rather more than all our sufferings put together since he not only suffers within himself but carries all our sufferings and infirmities in him. Of course, suffering can help us to perfect ourselves. But when we are going through the pain and suffering, this answer will not suffice us. We can only trust in God and pray that He will give us the grace and strength to endure until the end when we can leave this world peacefully without guilt or regrets.

Meaning of Life

There is no meaning in life because life itself is the meaning. Where there is no meaning, one must put meaning into it. Life cannot give us meaning so we must enter into life to find its meaning. At the end of the day, the only meaning that will be satisfying is when we give our lives to others especially to the poor and needy. We must constantly find new purpose in life otherwise we are not moving with the times. Our life is changing because situation changes and cannot remain the same all the time. Our children are growing up and they are moving on. We too must move on otherwise we are still living in our past. Hence, it is important to seize the opportunity of making the present meaningful to us. The meaning of life must change. When our children were young, our meaning was to raise and nurture them, give them a good education, support their vision and mission but in time to come, they will also no longer need us. Therefore, it is necessary that we continue to find ourselves through the giving of self to others most in need. As long as we keep on giving and loving, we will find meaning, otherwise we will only wither away and languish in loneliness and meaninglessness when our job as a parent is done. Our children are becoming adults and they would have to be treated as such. They will respect us but we can no longer command them as before because they have their own mind and interests. They will become more like our friends. Moreover, we cannot depend too much on them because they need to make a niche for themselves in their own life.  We would have to let them go. But that does not mean we are doomed. Rather, God is releasing us from such responsibilities and freeing us for other plans that He has for us.  

 

May I listen to the drum that is calling me to a new adventure and respond to that drum to find life and meaning. May God will enlighten me as to what is the next level of life that I am called to move towards so that I can live a truly authentic and meaningful life...